If you were on the fence about a second child …..

[Sloth169]

What did you go on to do? And are you happy with the decision you made?

I am really torn as to whether we should go on to try for a second, partner feels same as me!

There seem to be equally compelling reasons on both sides of the argument

Im worried I may regret it more if we don’t than if we do.
I always wanted 2 & when I think of the future I envisage 2 kids but on the other hand I had a very difficult pregnancy, likely to be so again, followed by PND

Unfortunately age isn't on mine/DHs side, so feel we need to decide definitively now rather than wait and see how we feel down the line

I hope you don't mind if I speak honestly....we decided because we considered how it would be when we get old or die and DD wouldn't have a sibling (immediate family member) to share the burden and upset.

The thought of her being the only one...obviously she'd have the odd cousin or whatever but that would be it...Grandparents wouldn't be around and there's no guarantee people find a partner and settle down is there?

So we had DD2 and never regretted it for a moment. When we're out for the day or just at home, she's always got a friend. They have ups and downs but love one another. They're 16 and 13 now and good mates.

I’d decided I was one and done. But Mother Nature decided otherwise and I got pregnant while on a pill that had worked perfectly for me for years! My first reaction to the positive test was one of pure joy, which was a real surprise (I too had a difficult pregnancy and post natal mental health problems).

I don’t regret having DS2 for a second - my heart is so full, seeing my boys together and how they adore each other is the best thing, and I hope they are friends as they grow older. The baby is enthralled with his older brother, and my first born adores his baby brother - I’m not normally one to gush, but it really is magic. (Although DS2 did confirm that I am not cut out for newborns and really hate that stage!)

Fwiw I sure as shit won’t be having a third, and haven’t had sex with DH at all and refusing to do so until he has a vasectomy and the tests after come back clear…

How old is your child? I had my second when my son was 20 months old, thought it would be a breeze as I coped so well when my son was born and loved every minute of it.

I’ve been on the verge of a breakdown many times and only 3 months in. Its hard hard work and I’ve had the odd occasion where I’ve regretted it. My motto at the moment is 1 is fun, 2 is work. But, I’m glad I’ve done it, it’s hard because of the small age gap and I know that in a year or 2 it will be great and will be the best thing I ever did for ds1.

There will always be pros and cons in whichever decision you make. If your child is young and you want the hard bits out the way in one swoop then go for it. Just be prepared for the work and emotions. If your child is older go for it. It will be easier. You could regret not doing it more than you’d regret doing it.

Nothing steered me into having another btw, I hadn’t thought about it yet, pregnant by accident!

😂🤣 same! 3 months into my second and still waiting on hubby booking the appointment!

I always wanted two children as well but really really struggled after my first. I had a traumatic birth with her and then ptsd and PND so I was very wary to have another one.
However I took the plunge and decided to go for it and it was honestly the best decision I've ever made. She is 3 months old now and I can't imagine my life without her. I feel like she's completed our family and we all love her so much. Don't get me wrong it's still hard work and I'm still on my antidepressants but i feel so much better than I did after having my first.

Definitely give your child a sibling as it's such a special relationship.

Errr…can’t say that about my sibling at all. Nothing special. Never got on. That’s why I only had one.
Think practically as well, consider what impact it would have on your family. I find many people have 2-3 then struggle mentally and financially.

@Mbl1234

Errr…can’t say that about my sibling at all. Nothing special. Never got on. That’s why I only had one. Think practically as well, consider what impact it would have on your family. I find many people have 2-3 then struggle mentally and financially.

Well to be fair I think you're the exception and not the rule. Whilst not everyone gets on with their siblings, many do...and it's someone else to share the load with.

But...there are obvious benefits to being a sole child too. More money for one.

I have more than one child myself but am a very happy adult only child and don’t feel like I’m missing out on having a sibling. My husband also has one sibling who he isn’t particularly close to, it’s not that they don’t get along, they just have little in common or to talk about. I don’t think they were particularly at an advantage having one another when one parent died and then another had cancer - they turned to their ‘own’ circle for support.

I was initially on the fence as I found the newborn says tough and had a difficult first pregnancy but I’d always envisioned two children, I wanted my DD to grow up with a sibling and I felt I’d regret it.
My second DC is now 18 months and he is brilliant; pregnancy when you have a young child is hard and the newborn days were hard with the tiredness but for me going from 0 to 1 was like having my world turned upside down whereas 1 to 2 wasn’t so much of an adjustment.
The hardest part for me was going back to the beginning just as older DC are getting more independent.

We just decided we’d all have a better life if we stuck with one. This was after I miscarried planned DC2, so was carefully thought out.

Our 7yo is happy being an only child.

My 4 siblings were no use when DM died last year. I get on ok with them but none of us are close. So I don’t hold with the “give them a sibling” argument.

I’m one of 5 siblings. That was too many of us when we were growing up, more than my mother could cope with and financially things were tough. Now as an adult I really love having lots of siblings. I can’t imagine a life without them. There’s always someone there who cares and understands. I actually feel bad for my dds that I’m not going to give them that.

I chose to stick at 2 for a lot of reasons. Mainly time and finances. I know that for us it was the sensible choice, but I still feel bad they won’t have more siblings as adults.

I have a couple of friends with only children. They’re fine, they’re not unhappy or anything. Though they would have liked a sibling and did ask for one when they were young. They’re both only children by circumstance rather than design. Being onlys means that they do get more money spent on them, they can do more clubs and have more things. So there is an argument for sticking at one, but it depends what works better for your family and how you see your future. On balance you’re probably more likely to regret not having a child than having one, but no one has a crystal ball and you can never know for sure.

I was happy after 1. I didn't feel an urge to have a second. I wasn't against a second, I just wasn't for it either. We had a second because 1) we wanted DD to have a sibling 2) having 2 had been the original plan 3) DH was keen. DD2 turned out to be an easier pregnancy, easier birth, easier baby and is generally an amazing little person.

I have several friends who stopped after 1 and are very happy.

@Sloth169 what did you decide?? Having the same debate now