Selective mutism

[thaegumathteth]

I'm meeting with a family friend this week who's daughter is 9, we've met a few times before but she's been very quiet. I'll have my kids who are slightly older and she'll have her 10 year old sister too.

I just wondered if anyone had any experience to advise me? I don't want to not talk to her and leave her out but not so I want to put any pressure on her to talk?

DN had selected mutism. We just stuck to saying hello and making a comment such as her hair clip is pretty or her top is nice then just carried on around her. For lunch it would be ‘here’s your sandwich Rachel…This one is your drink’, and other matter of fact things, as trying to chat and include her made her really uncomfortable. She even had signs to hold up in school if she needed help or the toilet or whatever but she didn’t even use those because it might result in some sort of conversation.
Happily age 12 ish she just snapped out of it. It was very upsetting all round though for the several years she suffered. It’s probably just best to be guided by her DM really as she will know best what level of interaction her DD can deal with.
So nice you are thinking of her, so many people are far too intent of making the poor child interact with them!

I find people with it incredibly uncomfortable to be around - the ones I know loom, significantly. Sometimes I switch into sign language instinctively to get onto their wavelength, which isn't their wavelength. Not relaxing.

I cracked our mutual unease by benevolent and indirect inclusion - ie dish everyone out food but don't talk to them directly unless in a group.

just say hi and dont try and make her talk.

Ask simple questions that she can give yes no answers to or reply to with a gesture eg would you prefer ketchup or brown sauce with your sausages. She might manage the one word answers if she's just quiet or with ds1, I would hold up 1 finger for ketchup or two for brown sauce (which he considers an abomination but this is just an example) and he would respond accordingly by holding fingers up. We've got through several sight tests, this way!

Please try to treat her as you would any other child. Make chit chat but move swiftly on if she doesn’t respond verbally so she doesn’t feel under pressure to speak. Definitely ask closed questions so she can nod or point.

Great thanks all. Obviously I'll treat her as much as I can like any other child but my own kids and their friends have all been pretty chatty so I don't want to make a mistake any make her on edge.