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Original poster

This isn't UK Parents

22 replies

SunshineCake · 31/07/2021 14:56

I've read a post where someone has said they have no advice but they don't want to read and run. No one can see how many people have read a post and not replied. On UK Parents it would show the amount of views and the amount of posts.

When it is on a bereavement thread or one where the OP has gone through a terrible time it seems so churlish and very self serving. If you don't know what to say but want to give sympathy or support then say I'm sorry, post flowers, offer practical help but don't say don't want to read and run on a serious thread.

OP posts:

TheSpottedZebra · 31/07/2021 15:02

I disagree completely! Well, I agree that this isnot UK Parents, whatever that is.

In the cases you state, the responding poster is really only politely bumping the thread, as well as showing them a bit of inexpert support, so that someone who IS more expert will hopefully see and reply.

DowntonCrabby · 31/07/2021 15:03

I disagree too, 100%.

Mammyloveswine · 31/07/2021 15:06

What a bizarre post

Isababybel · 31/07/2021 15:09

MyDcAreMarvel · 31/07/2021 15:10

It means I do care but I can’t help, but want you to know I care.
That’s a nice thing to do.

Original poster

SunshineCake · 31/07/2021 15:24

I can see your point. It was the don't want to read and run that grated.

OP posts:

user1477249785 · 31/07/2021 15:30

It's just people trying to make someone in a difficult situation feel heard. It's a nice thing to do.

moonbedazzled · 31/07/2021 15:32

Im with you op, I HATE the phrase, didn't want to read and run. Just say that you're sorry and are bumping the thread.

user16395699 · 31/07/2021 15:34

@MyDcAreMarvel

It means I do care but I can’t help, but want you to know I care. That’s a nice thing to do.

Agree.

Herecomesthesun70 · 31/07/2021 15:35

I think it comes from when people say if you don't like it scroll on. People don't want to scroll on as if it's meaningless but just want to put a little support out there.
🤷🏼‍♀️

FlibbertyGiblets · 31/07/2021 15:37

Oh NOES sorry we are doing it wrong, tut tut DISCUSTING. Are you fumming, OP?

HidingBehindYetAnotherName · 31/07/2021 15:44

It’s a kind thought.
If it grates, that’s just you, OP.

ThisBear · 31/07/2021 15:45

I don't know the other site you mention but I think the phrase is particularly useful on MN, because there's a reputation for e.g. dramatic AIBU threads getting all the replies and everyday problems getting overlooked. It means someone read the post, realised they can't offer practical help but doesn't want to leave you thinking nobody gives a toss and ditched your thread because it's not a hot AIBU.

Nicecupofteaandacake · 31/07/2021 15:46

VladmirsPoutine · 31/07/2021 15:51

The bigger issue is really an end-user policing how other users engage with the site.

Angelofchaos · 31/07/2021 16:03

Why would you interpret this as a negative thing?

Seems you don't like the phrase so decided people who use it can't be trying to do a good thing.

Its not really up to you, to tell people how they should express their thoughts.

atlastifoundit · 31/07/2021 16:04

When someone is having a terrible time and has started a thread asking for advice and support, it's not going to do them all that much good if they see that lots of people have read the thread but no-one has bothered to respond.

Betsythecheshirecat · 31/07/2021 16:07

I think it shows the op that people are about. Sometimes people don't have the expertise in the particular area but can empathise with what the op is feeling. It's kind of like letting them know that there are people thinking about them.

I get that if the whole thread filled up with these messages it'd be frustrating, but these messages keep the topic at the top of the thread list so it's more likely someone with the expertise will respond.

BackforGood · 31/07/2021 16:14

@TheSpottedZebra

I disagree completely! Well, I agree that this isnot UK Parents, whatever that is.

This ^

and

It means I do care but I can’t help, but want you to know I care.
That’s a nice thing to do.

This

What an odd post.

BackforGood · 31/07/2021 16:15

I go on to 'Unanswered Threads' most days, and will quite often bump a post for someone asking for help or support, when I don't feel I have the knowledge to be able to answer them myself

covilha · 31/07/2021 16:36

Oh gosh OP, do you think there may be other hills to die on? X

BiBabbles · 31/07/2021 17:35

I don't see how I'm sorry or the others are better for serious threads, except the practical advice if it is asked for. How is an emoji better for serious threads? I also don't think not having the 'view' count matters in this.

Everyone is going to be individual on this, but when I went through several bereavements close together, I preferred people who would send me however brief messages on how they didn't know what to say but wanted me to know they were thinking of me and my family over those who said nothing or went for the platitude 'I'm sorry for your loss' or similar.

I would far rather have someone say they didn't want to read and run with something brief if I posted about it online than have another person say "I'm sorry..." for a death or medical issue or something else serious in my life. better than I can, and like she says, I know it's well intended, I used to say it myself, but you get it enough and it becomes it becomes another social nicety that one loses the will for. I used to want to shout "why are you apologizing, did you cause it?" which was part of my irrational grief, and I know sorry also means to be sad at someone else's distress, but I already had enough other people's sad that I was helping with, I had nothing left for those who were sad just because they heard we were sad and wanted that acknowledged. Like yes, that's normal empathy, but I didn't have the bandwidth to be part of that emotional processing for a while and hated going through the I'm sorry motions from people who had no connection to it other than one of us saying something about it and many who just seemed to want to tick off that they'd said somethng.

'I don't want to read and run' might feel that way to other people, it's depends on our experiences - I imagine you get that enough and it would be equally draining and irritating, but to me I don't see how it's that much more self serving than I'm sorry or emojis or advice if it's not asked for.

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