New driver - Please help me!

[LadyOfTheFlowers]

I passed my test at the beginning of July at age 38.
I get lost in shopping centres on foot just for some idea of what I'm like.

I've just dropped DS off at his father's house which is a 10 minute drive. When it comes to returning home, I cannot for the life of me think how to reverse the journey and go back the same way.
I ended up on a detour round the town and the return took me about 25 minutes.

I have lived here all my life and I know where places are but I can't seem to get to them.
I then got really upset and frustrated with myself which just made it worse.

I may also be premenstrual

I feel like I'm losing my mind. Why can't I navigate a simple 10 minute journey?

My car also seems to hate me and I can't drive the bloody thing properly. I stall it all over the place which also makes me stressed.

Please tell me it gets easier, or is it just me? I feel maybe I've missed the boat and I'm too old to be a new driver, like my brain just can't cope with it all.

Just use Google maps and a phone holder when you go anywhere then you can focus on the driving not on where to go. Works for me as I have no sense of direction.

I presume the stalling is due to anxiety and should reduce or go as you get your confidence up and particularly if your anxiety is about getting lost.

I passed about 18 months ago when I was 38 I still stall at times. I do think just recently driving has got easier for me though although I will still avoid some things (turning right over both lanes sometimes for example)

I passed my test when I was much older than you and I remember this problem in the early days of driving. It was like I had to use every bit of my focus and concentration on driving safely and competently, to the point where I had no brainpower left to navigate where I was going. I’m sure it’s more common than you think.
My solution was to use the satnav for every single journey - even scooting around town along streets I knew perfectly well. It took the pressure off and I didn’t feel like I was having to think about two things at once and could just focus on driving. It really worked.

But yes it does get better. It’s just practice. The cliché about how you really start learning after you pass your test is completely true.

My car also seems to hate me and I can't drive the bloody thing properly. I stall it all over the place which also makes me stressed.

Your clutch might be too high. Get another driver to take it for a spin and tell you if there's something wrong.

Sounds mad, but drive more! Drive every single day, even if it's just around the block

Consider getting an automatic car for your next car

Use Waze or Google directions on a phone in a hands free holder, make satnav a priority for your next car

But mostly, just drive!

Buy an automatic next time. Then you won't need to worry about stalling.
It gets better, at the moment you aren't driving the car on autopilot. When you gain more experience you don't have to think about the car controls so much. You do most of it without thinking leaving you free to concentrate on where you are going. Right now you have to do both.
It's true what they say-first you learn to pass your test, then you learn to drive.
Try going out when there's no rush and get more driving experience.
Congratulations on passing your test.

Trust me it will get easier
Roadworks, diversions, one way systems , all sent to try us
Experience will bring confidence
They always say you don’t start learning til you pass your test

Satnav for every single journey. Gradually your confidence will build until you can drive around your local area and regular routes without satnav.

So, I would get a decent sat nav and do your route on it even for short town journeys. Also, plan your journey beforehand - use Google maps or similar to route the journey there and back. Print out both and look them over, especially before the return trip. Try to visualise the major turns on the route and make sure you can remember that particular junction/traffic lights/roundabout etc.

When I first started driving in my 30s after being a pedestrian and public transport user it took me a while to be able to plan a driving route through town. I knew the walking routes and the buses I might need, but had never paid attention to driving routes.

And congratulations on passing your test OP

I passed my test at 20 but didn't drive until I was 37 (long story) and I was much the same, I still am.

I don't know if it's an age thing but even places I could walk to without a thought I get stressed about driving to and forget how to get there! My car has a sat nav which is a godsend, but you can use your phone just the same, it's really worth doing. I also use google maps on satellite view if it's a more complicated drive and check the route that way before I leave the house. Its handy because you can often see the road markings etc so you know which lane to be in in advance.

My one bit of advice is that you can always stop. Just pull over (somewhere safe obviously) if you're getting flustered and have a think.

It does get easier but it's like anything, it takes a bit of time.

Google maps. I have no sense of direction either so I prop my phone on a sticky pad on my dashboard.

Get an experienced driver to drive your car if you keep stalling it. See if they stall. Could be your clutch is on its way out.

Use Waze on your phone and get plenty of driving practice in. You'll get there OP, it takes a little longer to get into the swing of things later in life but it'll come as long as you keep your hand in.

I promise it gets easier. Please don't be disheartened!

Driving a new car is like going out wearing somebody else's shoes. They do the same job but you have to wear them in. You will get used to the clutch the more you drive.

With regards to direction, as soon as you've mastered the clutch and driving the car is second nature, then you can concentrate on which way to go!

Congratulations and don't be so hard on yourself!

Thank you everyone - I knew you would set me right.
DP just stood there looking at me like I had two heads when I tried to explain and burst into frustrated tears. (He can't drive)

I think I will get a sat nav as I'm pretty sure using my iPhone is burning through my data - I only have 30GB pcm - so I have been trying to go without.

Ex H is a mechanic so he has fully tested the car out and says it's fine. He did warn me the clutch is a bit odd but on research it seems typical for the make and model.
I was convinced there was something wrong with 5th gear to start with but he assured me there wasn't and sure enough I get on with it just fine now.

Will a sat nav work straight from the box or do you need to do anything to them first that you need a computer for or anything?

I would expect that most decent sat navs would have maps preloaded. They will then usually offer map updates periodically which you would need to connect to a computer for, if you wanted to get the update.

You can set up your maps app so that it only downloads when it's on wifi, then it uses the pre-downloaded maps when you're out and about on data.

30GB is huge though!

I think I will get a sat nav as I'm pretty sure using my iPhone is burning through my data - I only have 30GB pcm - so I have been trying to go without.

You don't need to use data with Google maps. Granted you don't get the traffic updates, but that's fine.

30GB is huge though

Yeah, I manage fine on 2! Maybe OP doesn't have WiFi.

I'd want to know what xh meant by the clutch being 'odd'.

He had no issue with it at all, it just seems to me the 'bite area' if that makes sense (?) is quite small.

In the car I learnt and passed my test in, there was a much bigger area of clutch that was bite point - don't really know how to explain it.

He said it wasn't bad or anything, just a bit different

U don't need a satnav, honestly, use the phone. Even new cars now don't often have satnav anymore as people link phones to them.

I use my phone (Google maps) and most of the time only rely on voice as I don't want to be looking at the screen when driving.

Try different routes to see which one is easiest for u (ie avoid turning right on busy T-junctions) or just to learn the area.

The way back from Z to A is not always the same as A to Z sometimes it's worth a detour if u can bypass busy/tricky junctions.

Also, check the routes on the phone before getting in the car (both ways) to see if what phone satnav comes back with.

It gets easier

Google maps, use the person view to look at junctions before the journey. Drive around with no time or place constraints to learn common local routes, school run, doctors, post office, grocery shop, car park entrances etc.
Sat nav or google maps in the car is great but always run over a new route first. Remember if you go the wrong way, you can stop and turn.
A short clutch, let out too quick is causing the stalling. Slow everything down on the clutch side and over revving a little if a busy junction will help stop the stalling. Top tip find a quiet road with a hill and practice your hill starts over and over, you will learn your bite point well.
Remember you are still learning for the next year + and you can do this.