Step parenting

[SMS123]

Hi

I'm struggling with being a SM, My SC are 19 and 16, more or less they are independent but I'm pulling my hair out as I just don't like them. I know its wrong and I shouldn't feel this way but I just don't know what to do.
When they come round, they take over the house. One will sit on a two setter settee and take up all the room and the other one will make sure she is all over her dad and there will be nowhere for me to sit. I end up either sitting at the table watching them, going to bed early saying I'm feeling unwell or pretending to do something/anything than watching them. None of them help out with chores and my husband does everything for them, even down to making them drinks of juice!
They also use my make up and creams without asking and are very sneaky with how they do it......by moving my creams and placing them back very quietly and at some points taking them into their bedroom so I can't use them. I just don't know how to say all this to my husband as I have just upset him because, I told him, I didn't want to go on holiday with them.
We have a festival to go to in the next few weeks, it's my birthday and I don't want them with us as the focus will be all about his children! He won't really speak to me and he will do everything they want to do and the SC will sit together talking about me to each other.
I wish I didn't feel this way but I really don't know what to do? Whenever they come around I'm forever counting the minutes down to them leaving. I want my husband to spend as much time as possible with his children but I don't want too. My children have left home and enjoy seeing them when they visit and I know my husband feels the same, but why do I not like his kids??????

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SMS123
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Step parenting
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Hi

I'm struggling with being a SM, My SC are 19 and 16, more or less they are independent but I'm pulling my hair out as I just don't like them. I know its wrong and I shouldn't feel this way but I just don't know what to do.
When they come round, they take over the house. One will sit on a two setter settee and take up all the room and the other one will make sure she is all over her dad and there will be nowhere for me to sit. I end up either sitting at the table watching them, going to bed early saying I'm feeling unwell or pretending to do something/anything than watching them. None of them help out with chores and my husband does everything for them, even down to making them drinks of juice!

They also use my make up and creams without asking and are very sneaky with how they do it......by moving my creams and placing them back very quietly and at some points taking them into their bedroom so I can't use them. I just don't know how to say all this to my husband as I have just upset him because, I told him, I didn't want to go on holiday with them.

We have a festival to go to in the next few weeks, it's my birthday and I don't want them with us as the focus will be all about his children! He won't really speak to me and he will do everything they want to do and the SC will sit together talking about me to each other.
I wish I didn't feel this way but I really don't know what to do? Whenever they come around I'm forever counting the minutes down to them leaving. I want my husband to spend as much time as possible with his children but I don't want too. My children have left home and enjoy seeing them when they visit and I know my husband feels the same, but why do I not like his kids??????

As some will say, you have a DH problem here. A parent’s job is to guide DC in acceptable behaviour and hogging the whole sofa is rude and unacceptable, blatantly talking about people, and helping themselves to your personal toiletries/make up is too. I have step-parents and would have never dared to behave like this because both of my parents made sure I demonstrated manners at all times. You need to have a conversation with your DH, hide your make up/creams when they come over, and ensure he is onboard with telling them to make space on the sofa etc.

Not sure about the holiday - are they actually booked to go with you? How long have you been together because it sounds like you are a spare part, and at their age they don’t need to be the sole focus of a holiday. You would all be together on holiday so everyone should feel included.

If he wants to make them juice etc then that’s up to him, just as long as he doesn’t expect you to do so too. I agree though that it’s childish, unless you are making your own drinks at the same time then it’s polite to ask if anyone else would like them.

I know someone will come along all outraged that you don’t like your step-DC, but honestly no one should be forced to like others. However, everyone is old enough in this situation to be showing each other the most basic courtesy, manners, and respect. Ultimately, it sounds like your DH is enabling their behaviour. Unless of course you will drip feed that you’ve been an unwelcoming cow at some point since you met their DF..

Your DH needs to giving them a rocket for being rude in your home. They might be picking up that you don’t like them though but you are all adults/young adults and should be behaving like one.

Your DH needs to step up.

The next time one takes over the 2 seater I'd just tell them to budge up and plonk myself down. As for your creams they shouldn't be going in your bedroom without asking.