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Can sleep affect you long term? Tips on improving energy

18 replies

Drainedagain2 · 29/07/2021 13:04

I have three dcs and two didn't sleep for properly for years, one had severe reflux that went on for years (we tried everything and consistently but nothing worked), he woke every other hour screaming for years, no exaggeration..the other child was goodish but went through long periods of waking due to teeth etc etc and another dc who slept reasonably well but like a lot of breastfed kids took longer to sleep through. Anyway I literally had years of appalling to no sleep. My dcs have all thankfully been sleeping through for a year and a half. I thought I'd feel way better but I'm still exhausted a lot.
I've had bloods done and I had v low iron which has now been increased and everything seems OK. I get around 6/7 hours of sleep a night, I eat a very healthy diet, I try and exercise regularly as that definitely helps but tbh im still tired. Is it just normal with kids or after years and years of sleep deprivation?
I will add my dcs are v v v energetic and it's not code for badly behaved, they are constantly on the move and v v into sports. Although they are now older so 10, 7 and 4 I almost find they are a lot more energetic than when they are younger. They do watch the odd bit of TV but aren't hugely interested and we don't have video games. We have to bring them out a lot as otherwise they just climb the walls, they will play but we find they can syart getting tricky if they haven't burnt off energy. I think because they were such awful sleepers we got into a habit of bringing them cycling, swimming etc etc and now it's a vicious cycle. I know we are v lucky they are healthy etc, it's just seems so full on all the time.
We also both work from home but I'm freelance so work more during school hours, we live in an area of very over subscribed and v expensive childcare so I work around the kids, this in fact is what saved our jobs when the schools were closed. My dh is extremely hands on and has been a sahd but now works ft, we also have a smaller business that we work on , it's doing relatively well and helps top up our income. The reality is we are doing a lot with very , very little childcare. Our dcs have been to camps this summer but 4 year old is still at home. I am in Ireland and the lockdown here has been very long and strict, when our schools closed there was no online learning, we were given book numbers and exercises to teach ourselves, it was very much parents covering the curriculum. Me and my dh just find ourselves getting very burnt out , we have looked into babysitters and got one sometimes but for 3 kids it can be 15 euros per hour and that's an expensive walk or lunch etc and also it's simply very difficult to find someone (our old babysitter has gone away to uni) My dh and I are a great team and regularly free each other up but tbh I find I have little energy to do much. Obvs like anyone with 3 dcs will know there's a huge amount of housework and washing and cooking and I can't live in a messy or dirty house so we always make sure it's clean and tidy every evening.
If anyone has any good tips on how do boost energy or something that has worked for them. I'm acutely aware it's not going to get easier as i can well imagine schools not reopening here unless kids are vaccinated, they keep saying on our news "schools should be reopening ", this isnt a good sign..
Or can it take years for the body to recover from having long term sleep deprivation?

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Drainedagain2 · 29/07/2021 13:05

Title should say lack of

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Deloresabernathy · 29/07/2021 13:09

Are you still taking your iron supplements? What are your actual levels?

What do you do for yourself to relax and unwind? Stress can make you exhausted

Drainedagain2 · 29/07/2021 13:17

My ferritin level was extremely low but at last check is well within normal range but I don't necessarily take iron supplements everyday. Even when it went right back up I didn't get this huge boost of energy I thought I would.
I try and go to bed early as pre kids I always needed loads I'd sleep so I think 6/7 hours probably isn't enough...

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Pissinthepottyplease · 29/07/2021 13:40

You need to be getting more sleep now. You’re not getting enough.

NavigatingAdolescence · 29/07/2021 13:41

Absolutely. Breathing is the most important thing we do, and there are ways to do it right (nose) and ways to do it wrong (mouth).

Highly recommend James Nestor’s book “Breath”.

NavigatingAdolescence · 29/07/2021 13:41

We get our best energy from breathing properly.

Callybrid · 29/07/2021 13:46

Your life sounds absolutely exhausting to me; from my POV it’s no surprise you’re tired. 6-7 hrs sleep wouldn’t be enough for me, and the homeschooling, busy schedule, housework, kids, own business… - it’s a lot!

I have 10,9 and 5 year old DCs so similar ages to yours, and had a similar period of many years with disturbed sleep. I had a couple of years after dc3 where my tiredness felt really damaging - like it was unsafe to drive and I was physically suffering with hair falling out, aches and pains etc. (although bloods at the time showed nothing) - but nowadays I’d say I’m broadly ‘OK’ with intermittent exhausted periods (and I work a very PT job from home so no stress there). I’ve come to the conclusion that for me it mostly comes down to sleep, and also that my emotional/connection needs play a part too.

I often wake and can’t sleep again in the night and this definitely affects me, as does a few nights of less than 7 hrs. Feeling low or not having seen/spoken to any friends can also feed into a general lethargy/malaise that then makes all my daily tasks more difficult/relationships more difficult and starts a vicious cycle of feeling swamped/seeking comfort in phone scrolling (like now - ha!), staying up late as nothings finished and then getting even more tired and being distracted and down even more…

So boring as it is my advice would be just to keep on with all that basic looking after yourself stuff - more sleep, good food, enough water, exercise/movement - and also to make sure you have enough in your life that gives you energy in terms of people and things that interest/delight you.

And then to see if there’s anything you can drop or outsource that will free you up at all and keep seeking out any childcare that can help you out… as the kids get older maybe there’ll be more informal childcare in the form of hanging out at friends house etc?

Also recommend 20min micro naps when mid-afternoon slump hits!

MistySkiesAfterRain · 29/07/2021 13:48

I read somewhere that you do need tp try and catch up on sleep deficit but not sure how long for as presumably you could have a huge deficit!

I don't think 6-7 hours is enough...apparently you sleep in 1.5 hour cycles so I'd aim for 7.5 hours and you need to factor in time for dropping off, which could be 45mins to an hour - thats how long you need to be in bed for. And 1 or 2 nights a week try and get 9 hours. Try and build up to 9 hours a night. You'll feel much better.

Also the most quality sleep according to the body clock is 10pm-2am, its why lots of people find themselves waking around 2 and can't get back to sleep, so try and be asleep between these 4 hours.

Oily fish and vitamin D are also good for the brain/energy.

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 29/07/2021 14:02

I agree that most people need more like 7-8 hours sleep, and that means time actually asleep, not time between going upstairs and the alarm going off Grin

You're probably still sleep deprived, especially as you acknowledge you aren't one of those people who needs less sleep than most.

I also had years of consistently broken nights with my youngest (following more ordinary slight sleep deprivation with my older twowho were 3 and 5 and very early risers who'd obviously stopped napping when non sleeping dc3 was born), and it did take a while to get back to my pre sleep deprivation state, partly because I'd got into the habit of relying on sugar to compensate for the fairly extreme sleep deficit and in all honesty I was in a fairly bad state for a while. I also took on a lot of extra things once he was sleeping (shift work, then after 18 months studying as well) so (like you by the sounds of it) I forgot to really take time to catch a breath.

I felt a lot better within six months of starting to get a full night's sleep, but not entirely "back to normal" for five years - until about a year ago, when my youngest was 9 tbh.

Drainedagain2 · 29/07/2021 14:07

Really excellent advice. Your absolutely right @Callybrid and your post really resonates with me. At the moment we are sort of in a cycle of having to work a lot as we have some repayments to make but we are getting there with them. I just thought I'd feel so much better with consistent sleep but I do know I need more. Its getting trickier as my 10 year old is up later and often has clubs, they are passionate about sports so I want to support that. No matter what time they go to bed they are all up before 7am and and full of energy straight away. I know I need to focus on more sleep. I was just wondering if it was a hangover from having years of not being able to sleep.

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Drainedagain2 · 29/07/2021 14:13

Thats actually really reassuring @UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme , my youngest is still in preschool which finishes at 12am with no option to add on hours at all... so I'm really hoping it gets so much easier when they are in school. What you said about taking a breather makes so much sense also to me, I never gave myself a break after the years of no sleep, I took on extra work.
I really think sleep is the key thing, I also drink way too much coffee which I know is awful for vitamin absorption etc ...

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yeOldeTrout · 29/07/2021 14:43

I don't think I've averaged > 6 hrs/night sleep in last 18 years. I have lots of energy. I would love to sleep 9-10hrs/ day, but my body doesn't let me.

Do you feel like you have no opportunity to sleep more? Would you sleep longer if you didn't have stuff to do or someone waking you up? Does the coffee habit prevent you sleeping?

How many hours/week of paid work are you doing and when did that start?

For how long have your iron levels been good?

NavigatingAdolescence · 29/07/2021 15:01

@MistySkiesAfterRain

I read somewhere that you do need tp try and catch up on sleep deficit but not sure how long for as presumably you could have a huge deficit!

I don't think 6-7 hours is enough...apparently you sleep in 1.5 hour cycles so I'd aim for 7.5 hours and you need to factor in time for dropping off, which could be 45mins to an hour - thats how long you need to be in bed for. And 1 or 2 nights a week try and get 9 hours. Try and build up to 9 hours a night. You'll feel much better.

Also the most quality sleep according to the body clock is 10pm-2am, its why lots of people find themselves waking around 2 and can't get back to sleep, so try and be asleep between these 4 hours.

Oily fish and vitamin D are also good for the brain/energy.

I disagree with a lot of this. If you’re well hydrated, nourished and oxygenated 6-7 hours of sleep might be plenty. It depends.

Not all body clocks optimise sleep between 10pm and 2am. It will vary between people.

If you’re eating well, you shouldn’t need supplements. If you’re eating processed junk (as most of the Western world is) then you’ll feel like crap. (I’ve radically changed my whole physiology in the last 3 months with Wildfit. I would not have believed how much more energy I could have or how good I could feel in my body before it.)

NavigatingAdolescence · 29/07/2021 15:03

@Drainedagain2

Thats actually really reassuring *@UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme* , my youngest is still in preschool which finishes at 12am with no option to add on hours at all... so I'm really hoping it gets so much easier when they are in school. What you said about taking a breather makes so much sense also to me, I never gave myself a break after the years of no sleep, I took on extra work. I really think sleep is the key thing, I also drink way too much coffee which I know is awful for vitamin absorption etc ...
What’s the rest of your diet like? In April I was an absolute caffeine fiend. Haven’t had any for 10 weeks and feel amazing. Ditto dairy, alcohol and carbs. I do deep breathing exercises to oxygenate my brain and am sleeping less, but better, than ever before.

I never would have said caffeine affected me but it absolutely did. I can see that now.

You have to

DeliciousSoup · 29/07/2021 15:07

@NavigatingAdolescence

Absolutely. Breathing is the most important thing we do, and there are ways to do it right (nose) and ways to do it wrong (mouth).

Highly recommend James Nestor’s book “Breath”.

Also, can I recommend Wim Hoff's method? I have found cold showers and the breathing exercises incredibly helpful for increasing energy and improving my sleep.
NavigatingAdolescence · 29/07/2021 15:07

Love Wim too. Especially when you get to the tingly point!

Drainedagain2 · 29/07/2021 15:16

I definitely think I personally need more than 6/7 hours and this thread has really highlighted that it's just not enough for me. The odd time I've had 9 hours I feel amazing tbh. I eat a good diet, load of fresh fruit and veg, protein etc. I'm pretty fit and we really aren't into processed, crappy food. I did have to take iron as my ferritin was at 3.
I think sleep is key for me and definitely cutting down or out coffee which is my vice! I think dcs are wonderful but it can be hard with no family support tbh.

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Drainedagain2 · 29/07/2021 15:17

Very interesting re caffeine

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