Are you chalk and cheese from your child?

[icelollies]

DS (age 4) is such an extrovert - talks to everyone, sees another child in the playground and will just go over and ask to play together, asks all his friends to come over for play dates, will yell hello to a friend at a distance at the top of his voice, and talks so loudly to anyone who listens.

He also chats to ‘known’ strangers - for example when we were looking for the eggs in the shop, he just asked the assistant (while I prefer to search the aisles) and he will chat away with the waitress at a cafe, while I think she must be busy so prefer not to bother her too much.

I know I am quiet, a bit introverted, and prefer to chat with my own friends (although I do try to be friendly with the new staff that started in our office, or new parents at school). I like play dates, but find it a bit difficult having parents I don’t really know in my home for the first time! So yes lockdown was easier for me than my son, and now things are opening again he invites all and sundry over!

I find him quite hard to parent sometimes, I feel like telling him not to just waltz over to children we don’t know at the park, (partly because it leads me to awkward conversations with the other child’s parents), and that perhaps not everyone wants to chat with him.

But i worry that I am imposing my issues on him, that I stifle him , and maybe I should just try to let him be who he is. He is polite (says please and thank you) and most adults seem to find him endearing (or at least seem happy to chat away with him).

So if you are the opposite personality of your child - how do you manage it? How do you manage an extrovert if you are an introvert?

I’m the opposite- I am the outgoing parent with an introverted child. It drives me crazy! Was a big shock- I always thought children would kind of follow parents in terms of chattiness etc... but no!

Same here, I’m an introvert and my five year old an extrovert!!

I used to say not to talk to people or would distract her from going to play with a child who we didn’t know but like you felt I was imposing my problems into her as it’s all so unnatural to me!

Now I let her do it, if anything she could teach me a lesson or two!! She is an effortless people person!

The whole family is introverted so I have no idea where she gets her sense of adventure from! 😂

She is kind of amazing though, watching her is fascinating. she just gels in with other kids and happy to talk to adults, no freezing, no shyness, she’s like this amazing person who has a handle on social emotions- I have none!! I either start talking really fast and absolute rubbish or just freeze up and say nothing and come across as dim! 😂

I am your 4 year old. We can’t help our chit-chatting ways, just leave us be. My DS is 12, has never been one for conversation, it’s hard sometimes. Often I am a bit “What’s wrong with you?!”

Please don't stop your child from being themselves Xx

I have two sons, either one is a more extreme version of me..

I'm fairly introverted. I can socialise, but very happy within my own company.

DS1 (17)- quiet, but very sociable. Has my sense of humour (which isn't always a good thing)

DS2 (12) - very introverted, painfully shy, takes a lot of effort for him to socialise - even with his friends that he's known for several years.

Yes, most definitely. It's only the one DC though...myself and the other 3 DC are complete extroverts (probably too much tbh), but one DC is a really deep thinker, overthinks massively and is a real introvert. I'm not sure how when the entire family are a bit loopy . Seriously though, I do think we could learn a lot from her overthinking...perhaps we should learn to be more serious and sweat the small stuff a bit more

I’m an introvert with an extrovert. I find myself taking note sometimes if how she strikes up a conversation or what exactly she does to make friends on a playground.

She has such a need for attention and to talk that I feel utterly drained if she’s not getting her needs met elsewhere. Lockdown was very hard.

Thank you for the comments, i think what i find difficult is that he is still learning social etiquette and that he doesn’t always have a very good handle on other peoples feelings / emotions, and I am trying to teach him, but obviously through the lens of an introvert!

So for example, I have a good friend who is also a bit quiet, and he thinks she doesn’t like him because she wont yell hello back across the park to him - she does a subtle wave instead! He doesn’t quite understand why, and takes it personally. She will come over and chat with us though.

There are a few instances like this - he doesn’t always understand why some children want to play on their own, or why some children will play but not talk.

he is still learning and I can see a busy and loud future ahead for us!

Don’t worry about that, it’s you over thinking it, he will learn it as time goes on, people tend to fair better who haven’t learnt social ques compared to the ones who make up too many in their head, so his already better off no matter how much it makes you cringe! 😂

You sound like me and my DS1 (5), I don't want to stifle him but at the same time I want to teach him sometimes grown ups are busy/other children are shy.

I'd say it gets better with age - he'd understand your friend example now if I said "X is a bit shy, she doesn't want to shout in a park".

Having an extroverted child has a lot of benefits though - he was not in the least bothered when he was the only yr R child at holiday club last half term, and he's going to a non-school based holiday club later in summer, again he's not at all nervous.

@GiveMeaUserName123

haha, yes lots of cringing, he doesn’t have much of a filter on ‘oversharing’. I suggested he asks me before he invites friends over to our house - but he does so loudly and in front of them. Eg yesterday at the park DS in front of friend and their parent yells ‘Mummy can we invite friend over to play, or is our house still too messy today?’ Me: ‘uuumm…’

Yes, I'm another introvert with a massively extrovert 6 year old daughter. Your post rings huge bells! I also find her constant need for attention exhausting. It doesn't help that she's an only child; lockdowns were hard. I'd assumed I'd end up with a quiet bookworm like I was, but she couldn't be more different. She's much more like my sister and my husband's brother than me or my husband. I cringe at the approaching strangers in parks, but let her carry on - it keeps her happy and people don't seem to mind.

[quote icelollies]@GiveMeaUserName123

haha, yes lots of cringing, he doesn’t have much of a filter on ‘oversharing’. I suggested he asks me before he invites friends over to our house - but he does so loudly and in front of them. Eg yesterday at the park DS in front of friend and their parent yells ‘Mummy can we invite friend over to play, or is our house still too messy today?’ Me: ‘uuumm…’[/quote]
😂🤣😂👏👏 ahhh kids!!

I have the opposite situation, I am more of an extrovert (not a huge one but I like a chat) but my children are more introverted. My eldest one especially so, incredibly content doing her own thing, happy to only have a few friends and see them only occasionally although more social via online channels. I know she is fine and content, but I can't help worrying and sometimes do that awful thing where I 'encourage' her to make more friends and go out more. I know I need to stop that.

My daughter is me. Or me if my parents had allowed me to be myself.

My son is totally unlike me in every single way I can think of. He's a bouncy rubber ball of cheerful manic energy and happiness. No interest in reading or even learning letters at 6 when I started reading Narnis at the same age, very little introspection, but so much cheerfulness and energy!