How do I snap out of this funk?

[InAFunk]

I’m in a funk. It’s now 16 going on 17 months of working full time from home, in my toddlers bedroom (box room) with no end in sight. The office is only open to a minority of staff who need access for personal reasons (ie shared houses). There is no running water or access to the kitchen, so it doesn’t sound great (there is a separate toilet outside the office which does have running water). Those who have gone in have been asked not to speak to each other - to use Teams to talk. It doesn’t sound very appealing!

Have name changed because I’m feeling bad about moaning... it’s not the done thing at work or home. You’ve got to stay resilient! It will pass! This isn’t forever! ... all commonly said to me throughout the pandemic. I just keep quiet about how I’m feeling.

It’s just starting to feel so relentless and I can feel myself going downhill. I don’t think I’m depressed, but I am losing all motivation. I have to force myself to focus and I’m not sleeping well... laying in bed til 2 or 3 each because I’m not tired AT ALL. It’s like I’m wired!

Not really sure what to do, besides go into the office. Will could help?

I have a lovely DH who works in a studio in our garden (he’s been doing this for 15 years). He has home working sorted. We have 2 lovely young children. I’m either working or looking after them. All my holiday has been used for homeschooling or booked for childcare. I have a break at the end of August for 10 days. That’ll be my longest break since Christmas 2019. I’ve tended to have 1 or 2 days off at a time due to Covid.

Just getting out of bed, getting ready/ the kids ready to walk a few meters to my sons bedroom, it feels like Groundhog Day. It’s really getting to me. Work is pressured and I’m fairly senior. I feel confident in my abilities at work.

I do try to go for a long walk in the evening but often my child plays up going to bed and it’s gone 9, which is too late to walk. I do feel better after a walk with a Spotify playlist. That seems to help.

I expect others have felt this way and may have suggestions? I fantasise about building a loft conversion but would this actually make a difference?

I tried phoning our employee assistance programme a few months ago but the conversation went strangely. It sort of ended abruptly and I felt more alone. I have raised my feelings with line manager last year, but they haven’t checked up on me since, obviously they don’t want to get into it.

I just feel discombobulated and would love to hear about ideas/ tips that have worked to keep you going through the pandemic.

I really feel for you, similar but different here. I find 'toxic positivity' really quite enraging now. We are not all in it together, it's different for everyone. I used to find yoga helpful then couldn't do it anymore. Same with running. I dont know what the answer is and I'm too knackered to try anyway! My new tactic is to let myself wallow and be cynical and bitter.

Thanks for sharing your experience @MoiraNotRuby I do appreciate those who try to keep positive, but it’s not helpful when you feel that you can’t share when you’re struggling as we’re all supposed to be resilient. Any sign anyone is struggling and it’s silence or ‘see your GP’. We have time to talk and all the other initiatives running at work... but when you do actually try to talk, it’s like tumbleweed.

I know what you mean about losing interest in things you used to enjoy. I previously enjoyed socialising and travelling. Now we can do it again, I’m not really interested. It’s like part of me is withering away.

I don’t know what the answer is but the toxic positivity you describe is definitely not helpful. I know I’m not the only one, because in our department ‘town halls’ where we anonymously write on screen how we are feeling, half write ‘tired’ ‘feeling down’ ‘stressed out’ or similar. But when the dept manager feeds back they always focus on the positive comments

Yes its a bit lip service to mental health. In fairness I went through a period last year of going through a difficult time at work and opening up about it...it made it worse as I was focusing more on the bad stuff! I went on low dose antidepressants, which I'm coming off now. I also had some counselling which helped. Other things that helped were setting up a group chat with some friends, speaking more to family, journalling a bit. I go for lots of walks around different routes and have been doing some strength training.

I had a week off earlier in the year but it wasn't long enough to properly relax so your plan of 10 days off sounds just right.

I think the main things in terms of working environment are setup, noise, comfort and a view, probably in that order!

I'd definitely consider a loft conversion, op. Space just for yourself. Your H has his garden studio.

I'm also working in DC room while dh has an office, sit/stand desk, Alexa playing music on his command, tv etc 🙄

I dropped to part time and it feels so much more manageable. I don't resent the set up because dh does 6 am calls and 7 pm calls working in a global team.

We've also just bought a garden office for him so our DC can have their own rooms now they're ready for it.

In your situation though, could you do 1 or 2 days a week in the garden office to break up for you? If you're both FT that's really shit of him to get it no-questions.

I do try to go for a long walk in the evening but often my child plays up going to bed and it’s gone 9, which is too late to walk. I do feel better after a walk with a Spotify playlist. That seems to help.

If your DH is at home, let him deal with your child while you get out for a walk, I think working from him really needs you both to be working as a team, so he gets the kids to nursery while you get organised for work, he takes some time off for childcare and you use a couple of days holiday for time to yourself. It can become a complete grind when you find yourself in a cycle of work, housework and childcare without the change in scenery that going to the office gives you.

I was in a complete funk about 9 months ago and needed to make some changes, I get to the gym first thing before the kids are up and by the time I’m home DH has got them dressed and is doing breakfast. It helps me not feel like it’s all on my shoulders, if you know what I mean, and the gym gives me headspace.

Thanks everyone- some real food for thought... especially about getting the office space right, change of scenery and time off for myself.

@MistySkiesAfterRain yes I know what you mean, I think it’s the situation which is causing me to feel this way, not mental health. Clearly I need to make some changes and prioritise myself a bit more.

If anyone has other ideas please keep them coming.

Unfortunately it’s not really feasible to use my DH’s studio due to the nature of his work. It’s also really messy and not particularly clean (again work related ) so not appealing.

First of all, get out on those Spotify walks every day. Half an hour just for you, minimum.

There is a lot of talk about the state of "languishing" a lot of us are feeling and I certainly relate (do some Googling and you'll find a few articles).

Although I've had MH problems in the past, I don't usually struggle with depressive symptoms/lack of motivation, and I just feel floored at the moment. All I do at the moment is watch TV and comfort eat! I miss spontaneity, travel, novelty and being able to truly relax anywhere but home. It all feels stifling and never-ending.

I don't think WFH full-time would bother me so much IF I could go out and do the things I want to do elsewhere. It's the fact my whole life is here in this tiny home is what gets me down. Ive started a new rule this week; I can only use tiredness/can't be bothered as an excuse for one thing per day! I've accepted I'll always feel tired and run-down and ten years older than I actually am, so I can't let it dictate my behaviour. I wonder if something like this could work OP?

But what you said about annual leave concerned me. No wonder you're struggling if you've not had a proper break for you. Is your DH also using all his leave for childcare too? Is he contributing equally to the running of the house etc? Could you afford more childcare or make more use of local support? I think when your leave resets you really need to prioritise, if at all possible, some extended leave for you. You could be burning out: loss of motivation and purpose is a big sign of burnout.

A couple of years ago, I was going through a personal crisis, doing therapy twice a week, and needed to be off work as I just couldn't do it. Rather than be signed off for two weeks (which wouldn't have helped as my problem was going to take much longer to heal from), I reduced my days to just three days a week for about 3 months. The sick note can do that and then you still get sick pay so your company aren't losing out per se. I don't know your work culture, but this could give you a bit of space to start prioritising yourself, get some time for you, and building some momentum in some hobbies etc?

I'm sorry you're feeling so rubbish. I do have a lot of friends who are just embracing "normal life" but it doesn't feel normal to me so I totally relate - you are definitely not alone.

The extension might help, but I feel like the space could be a bit of a red herring....