Tell me your experiences of full time university, two kids and a husband who does very little round the house!

[ButNotTonight20]

Not sure where to post this but need some advice as feeling overwhelmed.

I'm due to go back to university full time in September to study for a degree that will lead to a job that will double if not triple my current salary potentially after a few years.

I'm close to backing out though as I'm so overwhelmed with the logistics of making it work around two children, a dog and a husband who is out the house 7am - 630pm.

Up until now I've been working three days a week around school hours and managing everything round the house myself e.g. cooking cleaning, laundry ( including ironing for DH shirts).

It has been entirely up to me to sort out everything the kids need for school/nursery and get them there and back as well as getting myself to work on time. We have no family around to help and husband works long hours in a stressful job.

Obviously the division of labour has to change and my husband has said he will support me, but I know there will be great upheaval and major arguments to make the changes.

I don't even know what I want out of this post other than to vent and to please tell me your experiences!

If he is not going to do half the chores he needs to pay for someone to do (at least) half the chores.

Don't back out of this degree if it is the best thing for your future!

What is the degree? If it is something essay based you might find you have more free time/flexibility than something medical/lab based.

I have worked and studied around DC but DH has always been supportive and done his fair share after work (eg, washing up, his own ironing etc).

Do not back out because your husband won’t help. Back out of the marriage instead. This is your future.

If he is not going to do half the chores he needs to pay for someone to do (at least) half the chores.

This. He’s an adult living in the house and he’s a parent. If his work responsibilities mean he can’t do his half of household work and parenting then he needs to budget for a cleaner and childcare and that comes ahead of disposable income/fun money.

I agree that it depends on the degree here. If it’s 9-5 lab based that’s very different to essay based, complete whenever you can.

Don’t back out of university. He won’t do his fair share no matter what he says because he’s never done it and that is who he is. A man who expects his wife to do it all. He needs to pay for a cleaner and childcare. If he doesn’t then he risks your relationship breaking down because you absolutely will argue all the time about it.

Well, chuck ironing his shirts for starters. If he wants nice shirts for work, he can iron them himself, buy non iron, or get them sent out.

Don't back out. His working hours really aren't that extreme. I've done them for years with DC. There's plenty he can get done in the evenings for the house.

I managed full time uni with two primary aged children. I had a childminder so I knew school runs etc were covered. If you’re not working as well then you should be fine. BUT you may want to rethink the family dynamic anyway I certainly wouldn’t be backing out of if uni to facilitate a lazy bastard DH.
When I had assignments due or was on placement then housework took a back

So you manage to work 3 full days and still run a household with a young family.He leaves at 7am and returns at 6:30pm?;so he work 8am-5:30pm?

He's using "work" as an excuse to be a lazy shit and thinks his only job is to "work";he works 2 extra days than you;that's not an excuse to dump everything else on you.

I'm going to hazard a guess he moved straight out of his parents house and in with you and your MIL did everything for him at home.

If he’s not going to help facilitate your life, then you stop facilitating his. Don’t give up your future for this lazy prick!

Stop ironing his shirts, doing his laundry, cooking his meals or any other general picking up or admin related to him/his affairs.

The fact that he doesn’t parent his own children is frankly risible.

I’m a single parent and prior to Covid worked 5 days in an office roughly the same hours as him. I still managed to run my house and parent my child.