Men really don’t respond well to this, do they?

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Maybe it’s basic psychology but men seem to treat me better and be more attentive when I’m less accommodating and give an impression of caring less.

This has happened with every man, no matter how nice or decent they are, once I become more engaged or enthused it gets to a point where their effort dwindles a bit. Not necessarily in a severe or abusive way, but just a gentle retreat of effort on their part.

Am I doing something wrong by being organised with plans and things to do, suggesting potential hotels for nights away, offering to cook regularly? For context we have been together well over a year and he’s great, but I’ve noticed becomes lazy about things between us if I am more engaged in planing or organising or just expressing effort.

Normal psychology of supply and demand at play or do you have a DP who isn’t like this?

I think this is normal - not just in a romantic partner, but in a friendship as well. If one person is very good at organising things the other one tends to leave it up to them. He probably assumes you enjoy it?

I find that if I take things on then my DH lets me if that’s what you mean? We’ve been married a few years so it’s perhaps different in the actual things but I do find that if I start to do a job that he normally does he is quite happy to then leave it up to me without thinking that he could make more effort.
In terms of organising things my DH was/is always good with that as he likes to be going out and doing things and having nice meals so he’s motivated with it but I’ve had relationships with people who are more to with the flow or last minute so they don’t really do that

I don't think this is about men so much as lots of people (including me) let those who want to organise everything get on with it.

IME either they genuinely like it or they want to be a martyr about how they have to do everything.

It’s not just the organising, it’s the effort on his part. No initiating plans or checking what time we are seeing each other etc. He’s a great man but I feel like his effort has dwindled as mine has increased!

Maybe just stop trying yourself and see if he does something different?

If he didn't organise something would you step in? Try not doing that and see what happens.

Well, partly it's because he's 'caught' you and a lot of men feel they can relax after that.

IME men are more likely to see a relationship as a 'done deal' and in terms of ownership, rather than there being any continuous need to impress, any ongoing negotiation or assessment of its value the participants. It's good, it's theirs, until the moment it isn't, then it's immediately in the past and they're off.

Many will start to show their true colours, in terms of how they think households work and whose responsibility all the organising is, when they start to relax.

There is also the factor of letting people who like organising stuff do that. But that overlaps a lot with the above, because it is also about saying that, as you're the one who cares about these things, you should do the work. Whereas previously, when trying to impress, he bothered to find out what you liked and made an effort to please you.

Sorry, 'of its value to the participants'.

It's like they've ticked the 'get a girlfriend' box, rather than thinking about 'conducting a relationship.'

My ex was like this - he even admitted he was "lazy" about arranging or suggesting things - was happy to do things that I had sorted out but after the first month or two, nothing proactive about the guy.

Ok, this is simple - he doesn't do things your way.

His way isn't right, neither is yours. If you start acting like him mother in organizing everything he will find this a massive turn off not to mention the fact that he/they already have a mum and don't need/want a surrogate. You've already stated that when you take a step back things improve, so take a step back, you'll be happy, he will be happy. Job done.

I’ve found that at work my male friend is very attentive a week before aunt flow, and when I’m on.. but when I finish he goes the opposite way of being very distant for a week and then it starts all over again! We’ve worked together for 4 years and it’s quite funny now I’ve noticed this pattern

I find the same. My DH is moaning on that we should go somewhere (we are both teachers so off for the next few weeks).
I’m fed up with organising everything so I’m not going to. I’ll see how long it takes until he actually does something.