Oh help, my mum has just told me she’s having ‘horrible thoughts’ (TW: suicide)

[Wheredoievenstart]

TW: suicide

DM came through to my room tonight and said she’s been having horrible thoughts - can’t seem to explain what she means exactly . I’m guessing suicidal . I said thoughts of harming or hurting yourself and she said yes .

What do I do? She has a very, very long and complicated history of mental health issues - complex to the point she’s driven two GPs out of their jobs ... (I strongly suspect anyway).

She’s attempted suicide multiple times when she was much younger, she did it again when I was 8 or 9 I think, and again when I was 27 .

She’s just said to me tonight she’s had horrible thoughts of suicide - fuck . Doesn’t know when - says not at present - but how do I know? She now says she wishes she hadn’t told me... And how do I know she won’t have them again and try again? I have a GP appt with her in 12 hours time thankfully but am totally bewildered by this tonight - she’s been having an almighty breakdown of late (ie I’m having to shower her and prompt eating and drinking), but she’s never expressed that she’s suicidal - and I don’t know what to do or who to speak to . NHS direct?

Giving you a bump, I’m sorry not really sure who you would speak to. Perhaps 111? Samaritans?
I’m sorry you are in this position and hope everything will be ok.

999 if you think she is imminently in danger, NHS direct if you’re not sure. Hope she and you are OK

How has she been since she told you @Wheredoievenstart? She's made such a massive step in letting you know. And you are incredible for looking for support in how to help her.

I agree with PP that 999 can help, and Crisis too.

Sending you a hand hold x

Samaritans are a good shout, even for you. This is a very difficult thing to deal with.

I have no real advice, I'm just sorry you're both having such a tough time and I hope your mum gets the help she needs.

Is she diagnosed with any conditions and does she have any on-going community support?

Has she mentioned any specific circumstances/events/memories/thoughts that are causing these feelings this time around?

So sorry OP

She’s calmed a bit, I rang 111 who talked her down a bit I think - said to me if she doesn’t have access to methods she should be OK overnight . I’m struggling a lot, I’m desperately hanging a great deal on the GP helping tomorrow morning . Hopefully .

She has lots of diagnosis - they think BPD, but also functional neurology, autism, other stuff too .

She says she regrets telling me but I’d rather now, I’m just not always sure I’m the best person to be helping . Hopefully GP takes some action tomorrow, I’ve written them a letter outlining all my concerns about mum which should help, mum doesn’t always talk much so hopefully if they have all this stuff written down first that’ll help open up some conversation .

She’s been very ill for ages, I’m so desperately missing the person she was before, it’s like a strange sort of grieving . Not pleasant at all .

Something to do with the sexual abuse news report tonight I think . She was abused in childhood and in early adulthood too unfortunately and maybe hearing that on the TV has brought back bad memories. I wish I could make that better for her .

What a difficult situation for you both. Do you think you might be able have a conversation with your mum about her thoughts? Are they just thoughts or are there any plans or intentions? Talking about these things doesn’t make it any more likely your mum will act on them but if she has intrusive thoughts about an overdose for example, and you know she has access to medication you can take steps to keep her safe until her appointment. If she doesn’t feel able to keep herself safe at all you can call nhs 111 as you have done or call 999 or take your mum to A&E, they have mental health crisis team who will be able to assess her if there is any immediate risk. You’ve done the right thing making a note of all the things you’re mum is currently struggling to engage with, it should help your GP get your mum the most appropriate support but don’t be afraid to push, services are stretched, if they think you can both cope you may not be prioritised.

How are you both today @Wheredoievenstart ?