Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

TTC journey with a Sperm donor and ideas/opinions

16 replies

ButterflyBailey · 27/07/2021 18:13

Hello, I plan to do research for a few months at LEAST before going and making a decision on how to go about TTC. I would like to use a donor. I feel I need to be sure in my decision so want to be referred to a fertility clinic. Is it too early since I haven’t made up my mind? I think it is the best place to help me decide right now. Does anyone have experiences that they think would help me make this decision?

OP posts:
Clawdy · 27/07/2021 18:33

My niece used a sperm donor for her pregnancy, she was late thirties. First round didn't work, but second did, and she is now a single mum with a much loved little boy, and very happy. She had quite a lot of family support, which helped.

Rainy365 · 27/07/2021 18:46

I don’t think it’s too early to contact clinics. It was 5 years ago so pre-covid but I attended some open days at clinics to help decide on a number of things so it’s worth having a look at what they might be offering at the moment. I’d try and ’visit’/enquire with at least two clinics so you can compare. Also fertility tests are generally valid for about six months too and that might help with your decision making process depending on the results.

There is a wonderful community of solo mums by choice on Facebook and Instagram if you want to hear more first hand experiences. Also ‘stork and I’ does coaching for solo mum thinkers and has a lot of Instagram content.

I think it’s also really important to consider the views of donor conceived children before choosing the type of donor you use. There are wide ranging experiences (some are not very positive and don’t agree with donor conception at all) but it might help you decide on the ‘type’ of donor to use (eg known donor, id release etc).

Good luck on your journey whatever you decide.

LividLaVidaLoca · 27/07/2021 19:22

The Donor Conception Network used to run weekend workshops for “thinkers and triers” pre-Covid.

It very much helped me when I was in the same position and I met plenty of women who mostly all have miracle babies now.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Original poster
ButterflyBailey · 27/07/2021 20:39

I have been looking at Donor Conception Network. I have found it very interesting x

OP posts:
Original poster
ButterflyBailey · 28/07/2021 07:36

@Rainy365 @Clawdy I will have the support of my partner so I won't be completely solo. The only thing he does say is that it's up to me completely. I find this difficult as I want him to have an input and voice his views and concerns. Thank you for your support x

OP posts:
Original poster
ButterflyBailey · 28/07/2021 10:25

@LividLaVidaLoca @Rainy365
How did you talk to family or friends about donor conception? Was it a difficult conversation?

OP posts:
LividLaVidaLoca · 28/07/2021 11:51

@ButterflyBailey I had been single a long time by then and I knew they’d be happy I was trying to have a baby, after we’d spent so long pretending I had time.

I just blurted it out one day!

Rainy365 · 28/07/2021 13:30

@ButterflyBailey I had ‘joked’ for years that if I got to 35 and still single I would use a sperm bank and everyone knew how important having children was for me, a real non-negotiable in life. So when I started having serious chats I was a little nervous but people were really supportive. I took my time though and started with those I thought would understand the most first.

Original poster
ButterflyBailey · 28/07/2021 15:40

@Rainy365 It's non-negotiable for me too. I think I try to tell my Mum when it's a good time. I tell her everything. I think she will be happy that I'm researching what I can first. I hope she will be happy anyway. I'm too nervous to say anything yet though. @LividLaVidaLoca I don't think I could come out with it like you. That's very brave x

OP posts:
LividLaVidaLoca · 28/07/2021 15:43

I don’t think it was a tremendous shock to anyone. My mum was just happy I found a path. I’d avoiding mentioning kids for so long because it was tearing me up. It was a relief to get it out.

Original poster
ButterflyBailey · 28/07/2021 16:26

I said to my Mum just now. She was very positive actually, and said I can talk to her anytime.

OP posts:
LividLaVidaLoca · 28/07/2021 18:50

This is great news!

Original poster
ButterflyBailey · 29/07/2021 08:23

@LividLaVidaLoca Regarding you having a path. I have felt lost for a long time. My Mum and I agree that looking into it and having a good understanding is a good idea and the sooner the better really.

OP posts:
LividLaVidaLoca · 29/07/2021 08:29

The more research the better. There’s a whole community of women who are doing the same and it’s empowering.

There’s a private FB group called Fertility Buddies that supports solo mums, including the thinkers and triers. (I think you might need an existing member to vouch for you to join, though they might want you to have met irl to avoid randoms joining the group).

PM me if you ever think that might be useful to you.

Original poster
ButterflyBailey · 29/07/2021 09:10

How do I PM you? Sorry I’m new to this

OP posts:
Original poster
ButterflyBailey · 29/07/2021 09:20

I just sent you a PM

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page