Grandchildren and grandparents.

[Soberanne]

Just a question really after reading a few varied threads on here. Whose responsibility is it to maintain the relationship between grandchildren and grandparents. I know every family is different but just in general

Is it
The parents
The grandparent
The Dil or Sil

There really isn’t a right or wrong answer. On here people will say it’s for the child of the grandparent to arrange things.
I still keep in touch with ex mil, more so now than when I was with her lazy arse son. But it’s important to me for my children to feel part of a family.

The grandparent and their own DS or DD.
In my case,I help facilitate the relationship between my parents and my dc.
My dp facilitates the relationship between our dc and his parents.

I should also add, that I held her at arms length sometimes, and would moan about her not keeping in touch, moan that she never visited. Looking back I probably didn’t make her that welcome, dh would become a different person when she was there and it irritated me. Really it wasn’t her it was him.

When my niece was young, it was arranged between MIL and DNs mother. Now shes a teenager, DN and MIL make the arrangements with her mother copied in to avoid conflictng plans and so her mother knows where she will be.
Her father, BIL, basically has no involvement. (Partly because he lives abroad, partly because DN worked out for herself that she wasn't high on his priority list. He has grown up a bit now, but its too late. His loss, she's brill)

Parents and grandparents, later on the children themselves but not when they are small.

It usually comes about naturally, I can't say I ever made any special arrangements with my in laws or my mum. We just saw them, they saw us, they were also extremely helpful. Later on we helped them. That's how it goes.

If they live a long way away it is obviously more difficult and arrangements do have to be made, with input from both sides.

Like another poster said, it usually just comes about naturally. I look after my grandchild, so we are usually in touch quite often. Sometimes I text my family or they text me. If I want to take my grandchild on a specific outing, I will text the parents. When grandchild was younger I would be texting questions usually. At times we visit or meet for coffee etc outside of childcare. It all varies really. I do make sure that I have my own interests as things will change as grandchildren get older. I try to keep a balance between keeping in touch with my family, but not being a pest as they have their own family life and they both have very demanding jobs.

Hi i am only asking as my childrens grandparents on my partners side make no effort but then neither does my partner. They will phone each other but MIL rarely even asks to speak to the children and my partner doesnt offer. We live about 50 miles away so not particulary easy to see them But not impossible and when the children were babies i visited them regularly and theY came to us once Or teice a year. But as the children got older started school is dwindled away. My children are old enough so its up to them but

My partners family seem to thunk its my fault there was no contact. There hasnt been any fall outs and we keep in touch via social media etc but whenever it comes up the finger waves at me.

So thanks for all your replies.

Can i just say theres no great upset or family fall outs or arguments its just they way it is but i was just wondering if i should have done more. I did raise my children while working full time and for a few years studying as well but maybe thats all just excuses

No op you cant have done more and its not really your place unless inlaws are toxic refer any issues back to their own son,

My XH was crap at family connections and his parents were up themselves and never made any effort so there was pretty much no relationship there.

You can't create something out of nothing.

My now DH is a better father to my older DCs than their blood father is or ever was and my new inlaws are better grandparents to them than their real ones.

It's everyone, but I would say it's mostly between the grandparent and the parent who is their child.

I'm a grandmother and I'd say that when the children are young , ie under about 13, it's mainly between the grandparents and the parents . But having said that, from my experience it's mainly between the grandparents and their own adult child .

I've tried to maintain closeness with both my children's kids, but it's a lot easier with my daughter, since she is also interested in keeping up the contact, and so it flows naturally. My son is a good dad but he isn't much of a communicator, so for me to see the kids there is a barrier . His partner isn't much into keeping up relationships either, so consequently DH and I don't see those kids much .

My daughter lives 1,000km away, but her kids rang us tonight to Facetime and tell us how exciting the Olympics are. That call was facilitated by my daughter . Whereas my son's kids have their own phones but they'd never think to ring us because it just isn't encouraged. You can't make something happen between the two generations without help from the parents.

It is difficult if the relationship between parent and grandparent is strained. I feel it is helpful if in the latter situation grandparents get in touch visit their grandchildren until grandchildren are old enough to have direct contact.

to*

It’s between the grand parents and the parent who is their child.

I do communicate more with MIL as she does our childcare and I generally drop him off and pick him up.

Mind you, my DF seems to think it’s entirely up to me and he doesn’t need to do anything