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Original poster

teenager opting out of family days out ....

22 replies

threeblowdries · 26/07/2021 21:47

at what age is it ok ?

15 almost 16 year old DS no longer interested in pet farms, zoos etc.
but we have a 6year old & 10 year old that still love them.
I feel bad leaving older DS at home all the time but obviously I am not going to be dragging him to pet farms.
is it the norm for 15 year olds to opt out of all family days without question ?
He might come to the beach at a push !

we live in the countryside so if he stays home he is fairly stranded for the day.

OP posts:

Sparklingbrook · 26/07/2021 21:50

Yes that’s about right. I wouldn’t worry as long as he’s happy.

AlexaShutUp · 26/07/2021 21:51

I guess it depends on the family and on the teenager. Our 16yo is an only child, so we can plan days out as a family that she will enjoy and we still spend loads of time together. I think it's inevitably harder when you have such big age gaps as they won't like the same things. Are you able to do things with just your ds sometimes?

DinosaurDiana · 26/07/2021 21:52

Yep. Mine stopped at that age.

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StillMedusa · 26/07/2021 21:53

Pretty normal. Mine would have hated to be dragged out (moaning all the while) to a farm park (tho they might have done the zoo I think) at that age.
They are in teen hibernation and emerge as slightly less grumpy butterflies at about 17-18

Now in their 20s mine ask to come out with me!!!!

MarleneDietrichsSmile · 26/07/2021 21:55

Yes, normal, he can have a friend over, go into town?

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 26/07/2021 21:55

I’d definitely give them the choice at that age. With age gaps you’re not going to please everybody all the time. I’d also make an effort to do some one to one stuff with your eldest. My teens like it when I take them out for coffee and cake just the two of us.

AnnaSW1 · 26/07/2021 21:56

I think that's totally normal at that age

30degreesandmeltinghere · 26/07/2021 21:57

Dd is nearly 16 ..
Just had a lovely day out at York Maze... She had a great time. Away camping next week end and she isn't coming... Negotiating is the way forward.!! Ds's birthday soon and she is coming... No opt out option!!
Somewhere we regularly go she can miss but she has younger siblings also and it is still nice to all go!

Original poster

threeblowdries · 26/07/2021 21:58

he is definitely happy out having the house to himself for the day .
we do try to do things with him on his own and if we go overnight he comes with us.

he has started heading off with his friends - swimming / beach etc..... and is enjoying that freedom as well. so there is no fear of him.

It just feels weird us all waving him off (although he's normally in bed and probably doesn't even rise until we are well into our day)

thanks for the replies ... bottom line is that he is definitely happy I need to adjust !

OP posts:

robotcollision · 26/07/2021 21:59

That's understandable, but why not do some family activities that might appeal to a 15 year old (as well as younger DC) like light installations, rib boat rides etc.

Sparklingbrook · 26/07/2021 22:01

I think the time comes when they just don't want to hang out with their parents and younger siblings any more.

As a PP said, when they get to their early twenties they sort of come back to you and don't mind being seen with you.

Ragwort · 26/07/2021 22:02

Totally normal, I opted out of 'family days out' with my younger siblings from about 12 .... 50 years later now and it hasn't affected my relationship with them , we all get on quite well!

OakleyStreetisnotinChelsea · 26/07/2021 22:05

Normal. Just make sure the teen has options too. I do different things with different kids. It is really nice when they are old enough to be left at home instead of complaining at being taken on a trip they don't want! I'll leave the teen and sometimes pre teen at home do do things with the small one but other times leave the small one with dh and do things with the teen. Eg we love sea swimming but the small one hates it.

BackforGood · 26/07/2021 22:11

I'm much more surprised that he has still come with you until he is nearly 16, than he is now opting out.
That seems unusually late.

FawnFrenchieMum · 26/07/2021 22:13

Totally normal, my DS 14 often stays home. We have some days that are non negotiable but generally why force him to come somewhere he’s not going to enjoy and pay for the pleasure.

Original poster

threeblowdries · 26/07/2021 22:19

We do days geared towards him & sometimes he will accompany me on a long cycle or hike. He loves fishing with his dad so he's not missing out. We all went kayaking a few wks ago ... he wasn't keen to come but that was one of the non-negotiable days & he loved it !

OP posts:

Original poster

threeblowdries · 26/07/2021 22:20

@BackforGood he probably would have opted out sooner but because we weren't doing much over covid anyway it seems to have crept up on us

OP posts:

Darkchocolateandcoffee · 26/07/2021 22:23

I think that's normal. My DS was the same at 15

CamdenLurker · 26/07/2021 22:27

Ds2 stopped coming for days out at around 14/15 - he stopped coming on UK holidays at 16 and now he is 18 he's not interested in coming anywhere.

Dd1 is 16 and still keen to spend time with us and her younger sister. In my experience girls and boys are different with regards to this kind of stuff.

TheChosenTwo · 26/07/2021 22:31

Totally normal.
Mine have the choice, will often come if it’s something they are also interested in like top golf or paddleboarding or go karting.
They’re less keen on an early morning trip to the beach if it’s just for a walk or taking the younger one go crazy golf or similar.
I just make sure they are involved in planning some of the fun days out and they are all always invited even if it’s to things they don’t usually want to join in with.
Tbh my oldest are 15 and 17 and still like coming with us to some things and I’m amazed, I didn’t want to do anything with my mum after the age of about 10

TrainspottingWelsh · 26/07/2021 22:44

Dc are close in age, however with younger cousins or friends dc there is a limit to where they'll go, despite the fact it isn't as regular as a family day out.
As well as theme parks, water parks or anything more teen appropriate, for some reason ours have always considered safari parks to be a suitable place to honour us with their company.
However, after the last 18 months, our teens, like every other have spent far more time than is natural in our company and are very keen to make up for what they've lost out on. Even at things we might normally do together, a casual meal out, horse stuff etc they are opting to disappear and make new friends rather than hang around with us.

robotcollision · 26/07/2021 23:02

@threeblowdries

Then I think you're fine, he's fine. Teens need a lot of time alone to contemplate their navels and daydream about who they want to be.

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