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Original poster

Would you think this is odd?

35 replies

WellingtonShoo · 26/07/2021 08:35

For your DP to not mention taking annual leave? We had a big chat on the phone last night and he never mentioned he was off today.

Not arsed when or what he does with his leave but I am arsed that he didn’t mention it during an hour long phone chat. I think it’s weird?

(I’ve posted in relationships with no response and I really could do with some other perspectives!)

OP posts:
Throwthecam · 26/07/2021 08:39

Do you live together?
If not he might have just not felt it note worthy?
I've taken odd days AL without telling my partner (who i live with). Its the only time I have where I dont feel like I should "be doing something", where there's no expectation that I'll complete any tasks and is truly a free day when I'm feeling overwhelmed

Its only later that I realised that it could look a bit dodgy!

Original poster
WellingtonShoo · 26/07/2021 08:42

@Throwthecam no but we had a long conversation last night where we were trying to sort the next time we would see each other this week as we both have busy weeks. So it feels odd because of that? Surely you say oh I’m off tomorrow? He knows I will have assumed he is in work.

OP posts:
Jasmine11 · 26/07/2021 08:42

How do you know he was onannual leave though if he didn't mention it? A bit more context is needed - do you normally spend annual leave days together? Is this a new relationship? Did he say he was at work when he wasn't?

Original poster
WellingtonShoo · 26/07/2021 08:45

@Jasmine11 sorry! We’ve been together almost a year. We’ve been trying to find a day to take off together but he had last week off to work on something work related (this is common in his industry). What has upset me a bit is that I had suggested we get dinner Sunday night after he’d had a few clear days to crack on with stuff. He declined, saying he wanted it all sorted by Monday Confused ie implying Monday he was back in work and wouldn’t have any time. But it turns out he had Monday off too.

Just weird not to mention it. I’m not controlling or clingy but to not mention something - we were on the phone for an hour last night! It feels like a lie, just feels off. I don’t think he’s up to not good but who wants a relationship where things like that are a secret

OP posts:
Original poster
WellingtonShoo · 26/07/2021 08:46

@Jasmine11 I know he’s on annual leave as he text me very very late after our call last night - unheard of for him when he’s got work the next day. He’s also not been online this morning when I opened the message. I just know he’s taken it off. And he will know I will text later asking how work is etc. I feel like a fool.

OP posts:
StepladderToHeaven · 26/07/2021 08:46

I agree OP. Why wouldn't he mention it Confused

Throwthecam · 26/07/2021 08:48

@WellingtonShoo
It might be that he felt if he told you that he was off that that you would be hurt if he then didn't want to see you on that day

Original poster
WellingtonShoo · 26/07/2021 08:50

[quote Throwthecam]@WellingtonShoo
It might be that he felt if he told you that he was off that that you would be hurt if he then didn't want to see you on that day[/quote]
@Throwthecam I didn’t mention the fact he took all last week off and didn’t say anything. Maybe he feels bad I suggested Sunday eve and he said no?

I just think it’s shitty. Be honest?! I’m off later this week with friends and haven’t kept that a secret

OP posts:
Tippexy · 26/07/2021 08:52

So you don’t actually know for a fact he’s taken leave?

Original poster
WellingtonShoo · 26/07/2021 08:52

@Tippexy yes I know.

OP posts:
Jasmine11 · 26/07/2021 09:01

Hmm yes that does seem a bit odd, but maybe he just needs some 'me time' for his mental health and is a bit embarrassed about it? Or maybe he is doing something he knows you won't approve of, is that a likely scenario? It does sound like there are a few trust issues here.

Whatsthatohno · 26/07/2021 09:01

Do you know because he mentioned it in the late night text, or you are guessing purely because he text you late and doesn't usually if he is working? Sorry to ask again, it just isn't overly clear as you said he expects you to ask him how his work day went, despite saying you know he isn't working.

If he has been working all week including the weekends, perhaps he just wants time to sleep in, do housework etc and have an uninterrupted day. Perhaps the annual leave was on the basis that nothing urgent came in and he would be expected to work last minute, so he thought there was no point in mentioning it.

Honestly, it wouldn't bother me if he is otherwise honest and you trust him.

CookPassBabtridge · 26/07/2021 09:40

You do sound a bit much, maybe he knew you'd want some of his time today and he'd rather just slob around?

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 26/07/2021 09:42

I don’t find it odd but then I don’t tell my husband when I’m having just one or two days off.

Original poster
WellingtonShoo · 26/07/2021 09:44

@CookPassBabtridge I just dont like the lie...

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 26/07/2021 09:47

'I just dont like the lie...'

But he hasn't lied has he? Did he say he was going to work?

Elieza · 26/07/2021 09:51

I don’t think you do ‘know’. You just highly suspect!

Two things. If he has to hide annual leave from you because he thinks you’ll want to see him and he doesn’t want to see you, that’s not good. Perhaps he’s renovating or something that has to be done with no breaks, crack on style, but he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings? Or perhaps he’s just not that into you?

Or secondly, does he have dc? He could be on a weeks leave with his ex for the Family Holiday? And he doesn’t want to tell you? If no kids could he have someone else?

Whatever it is, I’d he’s hiding a whole week of leave that’s not a good sign. The odd day off though to do something (even if just sleep all day as he’s exhausted) isn’t a big deal though.

roguetomato · 26/07/2021 09:53

"He declined, saying he wanted it all sorted by Monday "

This sounds like he had something planned for Monday?

Original poster
WellingtonShoo · 26/07/2021 10:04

@Elieza yeah that’s why I’m worried really. If he was transparent and just said he was having the day off then what’s the issue? It’s odd he hasn’t said.

He’s made some comments recently about how he feels bad he can’t make more time for us at the moment due to work commitments ie his appraisal. I’ve barely said anything about it though and just supported him.

I honestly don’t know why he wouldn’t just say he’s not going to work. We had such a long chat about arrangements to see each other, it was totally relevant to the conversation to mention it.

Yeah he suggested he wanted it sorted being back in work @roguetomato

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Original poster
WellingtonShoo · 26/07/2021 10:07

@NuffSaidSam

'I just dont like the lie...'

But he hasn't lied has he? Did he say he was going to work?

@NuffSaidSam no he didn’t but we had a long chat about arrangements, it’s such a strange thing not to have mentioned in the context. Also weird because I always encourage him to take time for himself etc. There’s no reason he would need to hide it like it’s a secret.
OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 26/07/2021 10:13

'I always encourage him to take time for himself etc. There’s no reason he would need to hide it like it’s a secret'

But maybe that's why he didn't mention it? Because he knows it's not a big deal. You say in your OP you're not arsed what he does with his leave so perhaps it just didn't present itself as something he absolutely needed to mention. If someone didn't care what I did with my leave/was totally chill about it I would necessarily make a point of telling them 'I'll be having a day off to sleep tomorrow'.

dontgobaconmyheart · 26/07/2021 10:15

So you mean annual leave as in he's taken a day off? I could maybe see your point if it was weeks but you've said yourself he's busy workwise, if he's taken one day off to button things off and then have a breather he wouldn't be free anyway to see you so why would he need to mention it as a day off. He has literally said he has work stuff to box off by monday, which I'd take to mean end of the day Monday to be honest or that he will need to spend monday on snagging issues.

I think if you're unhappy in the relationship and feel insecure then have a balanced conversation with him about where it's going and how to stay connected while he is busy with work, see if he responds positively. It doesn't make you a better person or partner to keep quiet and support him, but accusing him of lying over this would come across as ridiculous and be inflammatory.

roguetomato · 26/07/2021 12:29

Maybe he didn't mention it because it was relevant. If he said he had day off when you were talking bout seeing each other, he felt guilty not to meet you on the day off. Maybe he just wanted to chill out, sleep, etc., without any plan, after busy time working hard.
Tbh, you do sound a bit insecure, trust him or don't trust him, it's up to you. He may have valid reason if you talk to him. He didn't lie, he just didn't tell you he was taking a day off work.

Original poster
WellingtonShoo · 26/07/2021 13:00

@roguetomato

Maybe he didn't mention it because it was relevant. If he said he had day off when you were talking bout seeing each other, he felt guilty not to meet you on the day off. Maybe he just wanted to chill out, sleep, etc., without any plan, after busy time working hard. Tbh, you do sound a bit insecure, trust him or don't trust him, it's up to you. He may have valid reason if you talk to him. He didn't lie, he just didn't tell you he was taking a day off work.
@roguetomato I don’t think he’s doing anything dodgy at all. It’s not that. I just find it odd to have a conversation about work literally last night, I’m telling him about a day off with a friend on Wednesday etc and he doesn’t mention this? It’s not the fact he’s had a day off, it’s the fact we were chatting about the week and it doesn’t come up

Maybe it’s just me but I find it strange. Not that I don’t trust him, I do. I just find it a strange thing not to raise.

OP posts:
ChunkySloth · 26/07/2021 13:19

I'd think that's very odd. Why wouldn't you talk about your plans with your OH Confused