Rumours going round - WWYD?

[MrsRussell]

Posted here for traffic really because I just - WTF?

My mum's an active alcoholic.
Yesterday we were stopped by the mum of one of DS's school friends who thought he'd been hit by a car. Her DC had been very upset about it and she was really pleased to see that he hadn't.
We were a bit confused but otherwise not desperately concerned, I mean, we're in a village, people get things mixed up.
Just had a knock on from the local pastor in tears. He'd been told that DS had actually been killed in this car accident. So he went and spoke to the source of the rumour (...which has no basis in fact whatsoever, no near misses, nothing) and she said it had come from my mum.

WTF do I do??? Because currently what I'm tempted to do is go round and punch her very hard...

Does she usually make stuff up? I think I would definitely have to go and have very stern words with her.

Has she got form for dramatic lying?

I would ask the Pastor if he will go round with you, ask why she said this, tell her it has upset many people and ask her to stop, I would also suggest either she or you speak to her doctor, this is not normal behaviour and may be a sign of alcholic disease if she a totally believes this happened. .

Is she off the drink and is hallucinating?

Yeah loads - she's an alcoholic. I imagine it's drink-related hallucination and it must have been horrible for her too but.... I'm out of sympathy here.
I've just had an 80 year old man sobbing in my front room because he's so relieved to see my DS alive. One of the school mums has told me her DC was in bits yesterday.
"Stern words" is the bloody least she's going to get.

(NB - she's currently in hospital, so God knows how many people that I don't even know are hearing this bollocks.)

It's hard and you will feel really angry but if she is having hallucinations then she really needs medical help shouting at her wont achieve anything , sorry you are having to deal with this and its good news your dd is fine.

Ah, thanks @DogsSausages. It's not the first time she's made some really dark stuff up - I wouldn't really go and shout at her, although I can't say I'd be as charitable to the person/people who passed it round as true - but I'm not sure I can forgive this one.

I've tolerated much, but I think this has finally topped it for me.

Alcoholism is a disease/illness just as a brain tumour so why the behaviour of your mother is outrageous and upsetting, the more so because you have had to experience it all your life, your mother spouting these awful things is because of the symptoms and affects of alcoholism.

It must be awful for you and you shouldn't have to feel you must defend her behaviour but you must relieve yourself of the anguish and torment that you feel and accept that unless she seeks help to stop drinking alcohol she is not your responsibility nor must you feel any guilt.

You can choose to offer compassion and support if she deciders to stop or you let her know that you have had enough and if she continues drinking then you and your son will cease contact with her as it’s now encroaching on your lives and causing upset and stress.

Talk to the hospital if she's calling people in this condition saying things like this they need to know

Alcoholism is a disease/illness just as a brain tumour

I'm yet to meet somebody with a self inflicted brain tumour and the lady I know who does have one would likely be offended and upset by that comparison.

Do you have much contact with your mum OP? Mine is also an alcoholic and I've just gone NC.

All you can really do is make clear to people that she's not to be listened to.

Oh my, no offense intended, what would be ok. I will have it deleted.

@MrsRussell

Are you comfortable with others knowing about your mum's drinking? If they don't already know, that is. Because you aren't going to be able to stop her. The best you can do when something like this arises is to say "Did you hear that from my mother? Because she's an alcoholic and likes to make stuff up for dramatic effect (or) has alcohol related hallucinations". If they say they heard it from another source say "Well, you better tell not to believe my mother, too".

Word will get round soon enough not to believe what she says and people will start taking her with a large cupful of salt.

This is a delusion (false belief) not a hallucination (false perception)

If she's in hospital she's not going to be drunk, surely?

Is she in hospital because of her drinking, maybe it's best not to go and see her and the staff will be used to this. Was it the hospital Pastor who came to see you, we had a call from the hospital Chaplain to say how upset fil was that we wouldnt let him go to his wife's funeral , he had dementia and really believed that's what happened. It was upsetting and frustrating for us too and the nurses knew he was taken.

She has auditory hallucinations when she's in withdrawal @AbstractHeart - not so much that she's confused - I've sat in the room with her while she's been talking to people who aren;t actually there.

She won't be actively drunk now, mind. Bottle of whisky (or vodka or cheap cider) a day since March does nothing good to your mental capacity. And no, I couldn't care less who knows about her alcoholism - we decided when she moved down here after my dad died, that the best way to manage gossip was to be upfront about it.

I don't mind that she's told people I'm dead, that my son is in fact my best mate's child, or any of the other really dark stuff she's come out with. I do mind, very much, that her drink-induced fantasies have caused hurt and distress to innocent people.

Like I say, I'm not sure I can move past that.

@MrsRussel.
You have my sympathies op ,I speak from experience unfortunately.
The best thing to do is cut contact if you can ,it will continue you know this.
I understand the want to give a quick punch I really do although I never did I know the satisfaction of it would have been everything.

Failing not cutting contact , if you are fine with people knowing then just say take no notice shes a raving lunatic alcoholic, I always found that helped, like the lies you are experiencing it wont take long for it to filter out to people and they wint take any notice after a while.

My alcoholic Mum, (whose intake is now controlled as she's in a care situation and can't reach her whisky for herself, but still drinks way more than anyone else would consider reasonable) has also started having these bizarre beliefs.
She relies on my brother to top up the care she has, but he went NC for a while when she accused him of having done something really terrible to her in the past. Like really terrible.

I went absolutely nuts at her on the phone (I live away). This thing happened to her, but carried out by a random criminal. Yet she said he did it and wouldn't back down.
A friend who visits her said that she's been saying things that didn't happen, to him too. Really obviously untrue things like the one in the OP (though not as dramatic). He thinks she has incredibly lucid dreams because the alcohol has wrecked her brain. And next day she can't tell the difference.

I dunno. Maybe. But jeeze, it's terrible.

@MrsRussell

Yeah loads - she's an alcoholic. I imagine it's drink-related hallucination and it must have been horrible for her too but.... I'm out of sympathy here. I've just had an 80 year old man sobbing in my front room because he's so relieved to see my DS alive. One of the school mums has told me her DC was in bits yesterday. "Stern words" is the bloody least she's going to get.

This is severe mental illness and addiction OP, a stern word is out of place. Your mum needs to be somewhere where she can be looked after as she is clearly very mentally ill.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this - it sounds incredibly stressful and bewildering. I'd definitely have another conversation with the pastor. He's at the heart of the community and a good friend and advocate in situations like this.

You just say calmly " That is not true. The rumour was passed around by my mother who is an alcoholic with mental problems",.

Once the entire village knows her stories will have no traction.

@AcrossthePond55 Since you are in the US, might I suggest that you keep your nose out of matters concerning the English language, because you willl know sod all about the origins, meanings and current usage of colloquialisms as used in the UK.