We lost DH a few months ago. I'm a relatively young widow, early 50s.
I knew there would be many challenges to face, I didn't quite realise that people's changing attitudes towards me and the way that would affect friendships would be one.
- Our (mine and DH's) main friendship group is all couples. Long established, lots of fun and support over many years. This is the group I expected to be "there" in a crisis. Individuals have been, some have been in regular contact and provided practical support, but I don't fit in the group any more. I know there have been several events they've been to without mentioning it to me (some of this will be down to the group of 6 rule, but not all) and a real kick in the teeth for me was that they all went away together in the week before DH's funeral, without mentioning they were going. So, not only was I excluded from something I would have previously been included in, but my whole support network disappeared at a crucial time. This has significantly changed how I feel about them.
- My other main social contacts are through a sport that I compete in at a fairly high level (for my age
). This means that most of the people I train with are either men of a similar age or women much younger. This has always been fine, they're a nice group of people and I've socialised as a group with the men, more than the young women, simply because they youngsters' idea of fun is different to mine. Some of these men are married, some aren't, but that's always been irrelevant because I was.
Lately I've noticed that wives and partners who never usually join us socially are doing so. Maybe a coincidence and not a problem, but it is a change.
Then there are the single men, it's changed the dynamic there a bit and I'm wary of giving them the wrong idea by being friendly/spending too much time together.
- I have one close male friend through another interest. We've been good friends for years, both married. I'm worried about how my new status affects his wife and the way she feels about our relationship.
DH's death coincided with two young adult sons almost over night turning into adults and getting social lives of their own, having spent the previous year stuck at home in lockdown, so I've gone from running a bustling family home to cooking meals for one.
I do have people I can socialise with, as above, but none of it feels "right" anymore. Maybe it's me overthinking as much as it's a change in them but it is 