Hit me with your best discipline techniques!

[snakegurl]

I separated from DH a year ago, and I feel like I've lost control of my 4 DCs. They are 5-15 years and I'm really struggling with discipline, both at home and out and about.

I think I'm too permissive. What I need are simple strategies to make them pay attention when I tell them to do/not do something, with consequences that I can actually follow through with. All I do now is 'you'll lose your phone/screen time'. It's getting a bit tired.

I do plenty of positive reinforcement, appropriate praise etc. It's the other side I need help with!

Does anyone have any tips to start to make them actually listen to and respect what I say a bit more please? It's so hard with them right now and I'm dreading the holidays.

Do they get pocket money? Do you drive them places? Take them on days out? Give them cuddles? Read them bedtime stories? In our house, these are the first things that go if the dc are cheeky/lazy/naughty. My dc have learnt that life is so much nicer if they are nice.
Lots of things can be dealt with by ignoring. And I mean completely ignoring - not looking at them, not saying a word…
I don’t expect to keep repeating myself either, so if I ask them to do something for me or stop misbehaving, I’ll ask nicely once, then if I need to I’ll give a warning with a consequence, then ALWAYS follow through.
I also try to give a reason for what I’m asking. E.g. “Stop arguing please because I’m trying to drive and don’t want to have an accident.” Or, “Please get your feet off the kitchen table because we eat off it and it’s unhygienic.”

When DS was a teen and now my dd is 12 I gave/give them a choice of punishment.. either loose £ or lose gaming time ... that kind of thing . Gives them ownership. Work and is working for us

I wouldn’t remove cuddles as punishment.

Removing cuddles seems a bit cold. I just remove screen time. I want them to be doing all of the other things that they do.

Switching off the wifi

I really love the books how to talk so kids will listen. And raising human beings by Ross greene.

They are less consequence orientated, more problem solving / discussion.

If you struggle with boundaries and authority then I'm told Parent Effectiveness Training is very good but I haven't read it myself yet.

Many thanks all

Natural consequences as far as possible.
Eg. Child makes you late because they messed around and didn’t get ready to leave the house, next time they want a lift to go to an activity you make them wait and explain that’s how it is when people are selfish. This one is better for older kids/teens.

Also get them to help you draw up family rules, and hold regular family meetings.

Sole parent of 4dc. First few years discipline was a real issue, felt like our home became really negative. Friend suggested positive reinforcement and has transformed us as a family. Not saying we don't have moments where it all goes wrong, but generally the dc respond well to praise and we all seem far happier and thus we all get along more cooperatively