Going to court over access help

[lazylockdowner]

Dd7 is currently refusing to see her dad and doesn't really want to talk to him much either, she just says she doesn't like him, it's boring going to his house and she just wants to stay home.

Obviously this isn't going down well with her dad, he keeps asking her why she's being horrible to daddy and even slams the phone down in her when she says she doesn't want to go.

I have been saying to ex for few weeks I will obviously support contact and maybe he should take a step back and just start small with taking her out for lunch and play in park and build up slowly without either of us making a huge fuss or feeding into it. He agreed that this would be a good idea but hasn't really done anything about it except on Friday messaged to say he would be over in hour to pick her up, it's school holidays, I had no notice snd dd had a friend over to play so I said it wasn't convenient and to arrange for another day with notice, he's gone mad stopped paying maintenance and threatening court and that he is going to get every weekend, school holidays and Easter snd Xmas

I've tried to say to him what's the point of court when I am not and never refused access and I stated many times in happy to support for him to build things up with dd but he isn't having any of it. Can't see how court will help if it's dd who doesn't want to go and not me stopping her.

Can anyone tell me what the court process involves, and the likely outcome?

Oh he's not on the birth certificate, his choice he didn't want me to have dd and refused to attend 3 appointments to register her.

I watched a devastating documentary on Ch 4 last night about family courts. It was upsetting but informative. I think you need to go through the mediation route first. I think a lot depends on how reasonable your ex is.

Well he'd need to get parental responsibility before he took it to court!

I would put your suggestions in writing to him to evidence that you are not stopping contact and want to work with him to build his relationship with DD.

I would contact CMS about maintenance, if he denies paternity they will order paternity testing and he will have to pay for it if it's proven he is the father.

Thank you for reply's I haven't been with him since she was born, lots of concerns over years mainly around his drinking, he is a functioning alcoholic but I was always petrified of him taking me to court and getting parental rights I have always allowed contact as always been told the courts would give it to him anyway.

It's no surprise dd doesn't want to see him really he has a older child now 19 and he also refused to see him when he was growing up to, he never took the mother to court over it but did go back and forth with court to get his maintenance down, at the time he had own business and manipulated he's earnings to pay the minimum, he is now employed after loosing the business

I have just put dd into private school as she won a scholarship and he's trying to through that back at me saying he's had no say in it and I should of asked his permission... he should be pleased dd was offered this fantastic opportunity and it's nit going to cost him a penny as myself and parents will be covering the fees

Realistically I'm not sure if he would pay the court fees, I know it's only a couple of hundred to put in applications but doesn't court for access run in tens of thousands

I’m not surprised she doesn’t want to go, if he like that whilst in safety of our home with out what he alone at his when she doesn’t do want he wants.

You need to stop him putting emotional blackmail on your daughter, he’s an adult fgs.

Saying no is not her being horrible please make sure she knows that.

This is how it starts girls learn they told are not being nice or kind as won’t do what person wants and gets guilt trip by told the person is upset and horrible people would only upset others in end girl does what’s asked. No no the girls feeling matter other person certainly father needs to deal with it.

Child Maintenance Service u can contact there is £20 application fee to start process.

Court not route you want to go down but neither does he it’s expensive and doesn’t happen overnight.

Keep future contact to min, don’t pander to him.

Honestly from little you said it sounds like might be more to it. What has you DD said she wants have you given option would she like to see daddy soon or bit longer that that (she 7) what would or where would she like to go with daddy, kind of gently get feels but don’t directly ask why doesn’t want to see him. Her answers to those kind questions in general conversation will give you clue

You could self rep.

Cafcass would be involved, you raise his drinking, the fact you have made suggestions to encourage a relationship that he's refused and they would likely speak to his older child.

Just go through CMS and tell him you are happy to go to mediation if he pays for it. He is just bully trying to throw his weight around. He has done nothing to get parental responsibility has he? He's all talk!

Was typing when u updated about drinking. I wouldn’t be making any effort to encourage nor making any suggestions (ignore part in previous post) your daughter to see him until he got sober.

Don’t make her have to speak to him on phone if she doesn’t want to either.

Whilst he drinking his money away I wouldn’t worry about court.

He could apply for contact and PR at the same time. If you accept he is the father, then there’s no reason he wouldn’t be given PR.