Who was at fault here?

[MyGhastIsFlabbered]

A is taking DC to a swimming lesson. On the way there, about 5 miles from home discovers they've forgotten the swimming kit. A phones B on the mobile to ask them to bring said swimming stuff to A's location. B doesn't hear the phone ringing because it's upstairs charging. A is now pissed off with B and blaming B for them being late to the swimming lesson.

So who is at fault really? A, B or DC (who is nearly 12)

The 12 year old. How can you go to a swimming lesson and not realise you'll need your swimming kit?
They should be given responsibility for bagging it up every week.

@DedalusBloom

This is a reverse, right? A of course, followed by DC.

How could it be a reverse?? Op hasn’t said which person she is!

@Highfive2021

Just out of interest those who are saying the child, Would you expect them to pack the kit ie get costume from draw, towel from wherever, any toiletries, or do you mean just remember pre packed bag?

At 12 a NT child should be more than capable of these simple tasks. Exactly the same as taking PE kit to school, etc.

Totally DC’s fault. A should have also checked before leaving but I wouldn’t say it’s their fault. It has nothing to do with B and A is an absolute arse for bringing them into it.

@WeAreTheHeroes that’s why I ask as my son has ASD and there is no way he would manage that task.

A mostly, as the responsible adult taking him. Then the DC, who at 12, should be more than capable of getting himself ready and remembering a bag.

@ Highfive2021 sorry but I except my 9-year-old to pack her swim stuff. She has been shown what she needs and where to find it. Yes, I'll check because she's 9 but she hasn't forgotten and knows what she needs. I agree that it is very dependent on maturity etc but lots of kids are capable.

@eeyore228

@ Highfive2021 sorry but I except my 9-year-old to pack her swim stuff. She has been shown what she needs and where to find it. Yes, I'll check because she's 9 but she hasn't forgotten and knows what she needs. I agree that it is very dependent on maturity etc but lots of kids are capable.

I don’t know why you are apologising, good for your DS.

As my son isn’t neurotypical then it interests me to what the ‘standard is’ if it’s remind, remind check, then yes I get that but if it’s doing off their own initiative then that’s completely different.

However we do not know if the from the OP if the child’s bad was packed by whoever and just forgotten or not packed at all.

*DD

A and DC - no question

A is trying to make it B's fault and it really isnt....why are neither blaming DC?

@Attheheart

Hmm, if I was A and DH was B, I'd have hump, knowing full well it was my fault, but trying to make it B's fault

Yeah me too. even though it would be my fault.

I hate fecking swimming as A is usually late and DcTakes ages to get ready due to disability and A forgets to leave enough DC faffing time while B loses the bloody plot trying to get DC to get ready...which reduces the enjoyment of alone time....

Obviously A and DC.

@Highfive2021

Just out of interest those who are saying the child, Would you expect them to pack the kit ie get costume from draw, towel from wherever, any toiletries, or do you mean just remember pre packed bag?

Yes I’d expect a 12 year old to pack their swimming bag.

@MotionActivatedDog

Because in what universe would this even be in contention? The OP is clearly B

[quote DedalusBloom]@MotionActivatedDog

Because in what universe would this even be in contention? The OP is clearly B [/quote]
Exactly- so how would it be a reverse?

@Highfive2021

My 8 and 9 year olds pack their owen swimming bags. They get their costumes, goggles, towels, whatever pool toys they want. All from drawers.

A&DC

@Highfive2021 I just tell DD to get ready (I braid her hair).

She knows what to do but 1.we have this routine nearly every weekend and 2.everything is easily accessible and visible.

She also wears her swimsuit under her clothes so that's one thing that will never be forgotten . It helps.

It's absolutely not the child's ”fault” if they have never been expected to pack it and remember it before. Why would this one week be the one they are suddenly expected to do it? I don't ever take the bins out. If it didn't get done on Sunday would it be my fault or the fault of the person who always normally does it.

The problem here is that there is big difference between whose responsibility it is to sort the swimming gear and who is to blame. Blame is never productive and only serves to fuel a person's righteous indignation and shame the person who got something wrong.

Thanks everyone. Yes I was B and DP was A. DC isn't my child. Normally I'm taking my own DC for swimming lessons elsewhere at that time so I don't know the normal routine. DP has apologised for trying to blame me.

As an aside my DC are 11 and 8 and I've always packed up their swimming stuff because it's so much quicker than asking them to do it!

Ask your kids to do it way before the lesson time. They need to learn. Unfortunately, during the learning phase, things takes kids a while. You need to go through it.

Glad your partner has apologised. If it wasn't even your own child's lesson and you're usually not home at that time then that's even worse. It literally had nothing to do with you. Obviously if you had heard your phone then you'd have helped, but that is no where near the same as it then being your fault because you didn't answer.

@MyGhastIsFlabbered

Thanks everyone. Yes I was B and DP was A. DC isn't my child. Normally I'm taking my own DC for swimming lessons elsewhere at that time so I don't know the normal routine. DP has apologised for trying to blame me.

As an aside my DC are 11 and 8 and I've always packed up their swimming stuff because it's so much quicker than asking them to do it!

Not even your child?! Wow! That’s some nerve.

@MyGhastIsFlabbered I'd say DC followed by A. Glad your DP has apologised.

@Highfive2021 my DS is 12, he has packed his own bag for years but that doesn't mean it is always successful We go swimming every week and have to arrive in our swimwear (covid rule). In the last 6 weeks he has forgotten his towel twice and his change of clothes once!