Postnatal depression & termination

[Lostindespair]

Hi,
I’m completely at a loss what to do & was wondering if anyone has experienced something similar.
Last year I gave birth to my first baby after 4 rounds of IVF as her Dad was undergoing chemotherapy. I’ve had postnatal depression since, tried talking therapies and numerous medications (which did not agree with me). I’m now at a stage where I feel it is manageable most days.
Last week I found out I was pregnant again naturally which was a shock, as we both felt the possibility of this happening would be near impossible. I have buried my head in the sand since, but yesterday I worked out I must be 9 weeks pregnant. I spoke to my partner about my fears of the depression returning, my ability to cope with 2 under 2 & how we would manage financially (I was made redundant during the pandemic). He has suggested he feels a termination would be best in our current situation.
I feel so lost & know I must act soon.

Oh you poor thing. How cruelly ironic life can be. You try so hard to have a baby and then you spontaneously become pregnant. If only that had happened with your first baby.
Obviously I nor anyone else on here can advise you on what decision to make.
That’s far too personal.

Thinking of you.

Thank you for taking the time to reply and being kind. I feel my partner is probably right, we aren’t in the right place to give another baby the life we would want to.
Other than my partner I don’t really have anyone else I could talk to about this, nor do I know anyone who has experienced postnatal depression. X

I am so sorry for the situation you are in but pleased to hear you are slowly getting over the PND. Have you been able to pinpoint through your therapy whether there were any specific triggers for your depression?

Don’t do anything rash regarding the termination. As you say, you have buried your head in the sand so far. Bear in mind there is no going back from a termination once it’s been performed, so you need to consider not only the impact it would have on your mental health if you had the baby, but also the impact of going through a termination (particularly after what I’m sure was a gruelling period of IVF). Can you speak to your GP or another family member?

I briefly spoke to the GP last week, he asked if I was happy about the pregnancy and I spoke about my concerns regarding the PND. He asked whether I was considering a termination and I said I don’t think I could after all the IVF and he said “yes, I’m glad you’ve said that”. I was going to follow it up with but I feel trapped but didn’t as I felt I’d gave him the answer he wanted.
To be honest the support I got was really hit and miss, there was some helpful element but in terms of identifying triggers it was established I have PTSD from my partners diagnosis but other than that it didn’t go much further. I know I had anxiety in my first pregnancy about his cancer returning and being left alone with my baby.
I don’t really have anyone I can talk to - I feel because of the IVF my family and friends will judge me or try to convince me to keep the baby & things will work out.
I am so disappointed with myself for being in this situation and feeling this way x

Your Doctor had no right place nor business to say that to you. He she is bang out of line.

If you do want to keep the baby, your perinatal mental health team will be able to support you during pregnancy and after. I've had lifechangingly awesome support from them - theyve been amazing. Your midwife will be able to refer you.

Thank you for all your replies and support, I was so nervous about posting this. I’ve just wrote a list of pros and cons - which seems a trivial thing to do for something so important but I feel I’m just going around and around. The cons heavily outweigh the pros, I will have another chat with my partner when he finishes work and try to come to some decision that’s best for our family. I don’t think I’ve even been as scared x