My partner and his ex and family

[Sandysellman]

Hi this may seem a bit self absorbed but my partners ex and there mutual friends and family arent very nice and dislike me they wanted him to get back with his ex. These people have said so many nasty things I.e I was a lady of the night ect thank god she moved away with her new bf but when there are family birthdays or a celebration she is there I know that she has to be as her children are 15 and 16 . Well she and my partner gets invited but I don't even though we have 2 children together ! So this just fuelled me a bit at his mums wake he left me and our son who is 4 and a tearaway he said your alright there well I go and see the kids arent you I didn't know what to say so just nodded that was it I was sat on my own with a roomful of people who dislike me and whenever I try to talk they walk off our son was not being easy so he sent his daughter over to help me the cheek! I didn't feel I belonged there or with him like I was a pain he stayed sat with his ex and 2 kids also there mutual best friends ! I obviously wasn't needed there that's how I felt.

4 hrs on my own joke

Well you're not self absorbed and yes they do seem to be treating you badly and in such a way that you'll look bad if you say or try to do anything about it.
It sounds like he might be gaslighting you.
Even though it was an emotional day being his DM wake he should have included you.

If you're not happy start looking at making some major changes in your life where you'll feel happier

Why do they seem to dislike you. Is there a particular reason.

I wouldn't have gone along to his mum's wake. Maybe to the funeral service only. A wake is for family to reminisce about the deceased and their life, which will inevitably involve a lot more of his time with his ex and their shared children than with you.

Hs children were there, they had just lost their grandmother, so I guess he needed to talk to them. Sending his daughter across to help seems like an attempt to ensure you weren't on your own and to get his daughter involved with your little one.

But not easy, having the ex's family there.

Oh come on, it was his mum's wake, I'm sure he had a lot on his mind.

You're annoyed he left you alone, then you're annoyed he noticed you were struggling and asked his DD to help you.

I'm sure there's a backstory here but in this example you've given YABVU and you've made an awful situation for him and his family all about you. I'm not sure I could forgive you if I was him.

How would any of you feel being left alone whilst your DP sits with his ex and friends who always ostracise you?
I doubt you’d be happy!
OP it doesn’t sound like he has much respect for you if he allows you to be ignored and he treats you like this too.

@HerMammy

How would any of you feel being left alone whilst your DP sits with his ex and friends who always ostracise you? I doubt you’d be happy! OP it doesn’t sound like he has much respect for you if he allows you to be ignored and he treats you like this too.

How would you feel if your mother just died and your partner was complaining that you weren't paying them enough attention?

It’s hardly attention is it? She’s left alone whilst he’s with his ex and pals, the wake is the recent example but he does it all gatherings. It’s rude and Id think quite hurtful.

I understand it seems selfish but that wasn't my attention we have been together 7 years he was never married to his ex you see there a clique that think they should get back together and he never should have got with me ! A lot of the rubbish is made up there are 7 couples and the 7 men I get on with them all although I don't talk for long except his brother who also can't stand me his wife is like team leader of the clique ! We have 4 children together I've never felt welcome ! Before the funeral his brother said to him were your friends and family not hers and does she have to follow you everywhere you go oh and why is she so dressed up all time ?? And as for his brother he used to poke me on fb I don't follow him every were he goes that's just another way of saying they don't want me there his wife makes a big thing out of it ! I had a good relationship with his mum I was sat alone with my children my son was crying I know his mum had died but why couldn't we stay as a family and support each other also I love and adore my step children but its upset me so bad I felt like I don't belong. We don't get on anymore, we'll one of the girls has told everyone I uses to have my own porn website and have been with endless men although in fact I were sexually abused by 4 men from the age of 3 until I was in my late teens nasty lies like that deeply hurt me as I am currently going through the court case it's like there aloud to say what they want it's not only the funeral it's everything I walked in the restaurant for his sister in laws birthday meal I got sat right on the end of the table like a spare part him and his ex like a family I've never had a family so I suppose his mum meant the world to me and its hard because I never feel good enough anyway sorry if I'm being selfish

I'm sorry OP that some PP on here are saying it was his DM wake and the day wasn't about you. That's unkind of them and they are just goading you so ignore them.

You are being left out by friends and family and some of them are being very unkind.

At the wake you should have all been together and / or flowing between people No one should have left you alone like that.

Maybe they thought you wanted to sit there alone with your DC. Unlikely but maybe.

Wakes are very emotional and people react in ways they wouldn't normally.

What would have happened if you had gone over to the table your DP was sitting at ? How did or would they have reacted.

Were you sitting alone because your DC was playing up and had to be dealt with
away from others.

I personally think there is no excuse not even a wake that your DP felt it was ok to sit with his ex and leave you alone like that especially as you did have a good relationship with his DM.

You should have all been sitting together or at least you should have had other family members on your table.

You were literally left in the corner by everyone and I'm so sorry for that, it must have made you feel very sad and alone. Which is not a nice way to feel

Is your DP normally very kind and loving when it's just you and your DC at least ?

Do not apologise for the way you feel or the reasons why.

The fact is you do and you want to talk about it without being judged.

Also I haven't brought it up or mentioned anything about his mum's wake it's more in my head and am I being unreasonable to question this I mean more in general I have no jealousy over his ex and we get on for the kids it's when all the rest are there also there having a family get together and I'm not invited as it's close relatives only his wife has said and also his ex is going I don't want to be sat on the end of the table again on my own I've tried to be friends with them for my partner also polite considering what was said about me. I think being protective over your partner should come naturally not just stand there and listen to there rubbish my sister is a heroin addict no surprise after our childhood but they keep poking fun anyway referring to me I've actually heard them slagging me in the toilet cubicle next to me that was then this is now I'm just not sure how to deal with the whole rejection in general I love my partner but its what comes with him if it was me I'd tell them to keep there nasty comments to there self's and they can't be real friends as friends want the best for each other . So I think I've had enough it's clear to everyone it's his brothers wife who can't stand me also his brother threw in look no one likes her well that's untrue as for being overdressed I wear make up and fake tan have blond highlights I adore heels and jeans nice faux fur I get the look from hip to foot and back up again from her it's upsetting me as I feel there feelings and opinions mean more I darent say anything to them when I told his brother my ex slept with his mums friend and that's why we split he laughed he's going to believe him as he is friendly with him but I point blank told him under no circumstance have I ever slept with all them men in one go ! I left it at that My ex knew about my childhood and has twisted it ! I left him after 11 years. And his brothers snidey comment to my partner well you shouldn't do things if you don't want to be talked about sorry but it's true I won't ever mention my childhood to him but my partner knows as we're going through court process now ! But you know what il wear my Marilyn Monroe style skirt with a nice top and heels and next time I'm accused of doing anything for cheap beeps in a snidey comments il deny knowing what it means ask for an explanation and then say well you sound like you know a lot about it and is it something he does ! Although I intend never to be in there company again his sister in law can keep her clique dress code of jeans a nice top and flats I don't change to fit and I'm no follower ! Just sad because I do love him .???