Any other adopted adults here?

[pixiedust21]

Wasn't really sure where to post this. Or even why I am. But hey ho!

Just wondered if there are any other adult adoptees out there?

I'm 35 and was adopted as a baby (approx 1 year of age). Have always known, have great family, have always had quite a bit of info including a photo of birth mum and family. But it was a closed adoption so no contact, I don't think this is too uncommon though for adoptions in the 80s.

In the last couple of years I've started to seek further information about my birth family, specifically my maternal side. From the info I have, birth father was never really involved and I have not been as interested yet in finding out more about him.

But have always had a nagging feeling to find info about my mother. She kept me for 4 months and was in the end very reluctant for the adoption to go ahead although for various reasons it was for the best and I had to be removed from her care. But I have always known that emotionally she was very much wanting to keep me.

Approx 1 year ago I made contact with birth relatives through Ancestry website of all things, where my biological aunt had created a family tree. It was through this that I discovered my birth mother passed away about 15 years ago aged 45.

Over the last year I have begun and maintained contact with 2 aunts, an uncle, and amazingly a grandmother who at 94 years old never thought she'd see me again. It's been difficult and wonderful at the same time.

But I feel a deep grief for my mother even though - I already have a great mum of course, and I never really knew my birth mum at all. I've since received some precious photos of her with me as a baby. Which I'm glad to have but sometimes I just feel it's so unfair this is all I will have of her.

As nice as it is to know some relatives (although complicated at the same time, nothing is smooth sailing) sometimes I just feel so sad I will never know her.

I am pregnant myself which is why I am probably thinking about it all a lot again.

I'm sorry to ramble on. I don't know why I am really posting. It's hard for people in my life to understand some of the feelings I think.

Thank you for reading if you've made it this far.

Morning. I have a very similar adoption story to yours, relunctantly relinquished to closed adoption at 9 months, early 80s. I struggled a lot in childhood, teens and 20s with identity... I found that when I attempted to talk or ask questions about it with adopted family I was discouraged. I believe this was down to the fact that my adopted parents were greiving infertility and thinking about my birth circumstances and acknowledging my mother was painful for them. I think that the phycological effects of adoption were largely unknown or ignored in the 80s and before, resulting in issues later in life for adoptees. I found my mother at 37, after 6 years of actively searching, just after I had my first baby and have a good relationship with her now. I am forever thankful to have her in my life and eternally grateful to the people who helped me find her. I talk with my husband a lot about my feelings of adoption, I'm lucky to have someone that can understand. I do struggle to discuss it with anyone else, I have trust issues and find most people don't know how to react. There are a few Facebook groups I use for adoptee support and there's a very good book called Primal Wound written in the 90s that I found helpful. I think its quite natural to want to search or be close to your first family when your having your own children, it's actually quite an obvious psychological need. I'm sorry to hear about your mother's passing, it mustve been a shock to hear that. Be close to your mother's family, this will help you greive. We all need to know who we are, no matter the circumstances so keep searching for answers, it's so important! 💐