Please tell me your 10yr old’s bedtime

[Pingodingo]

I’ve always done the whole bedtime routine thing with my son since he was tiny but habits have stuck and I’m now wondering how I can make it a bit easier on me (knackered single parent…) Basically we usually go upstairs together then I potter about and try and leave him to it while he does his teeth and gets into pjs, then we have a bit of bedtime reading together, whatever book he’s reading - sometimes I read to him, sometimes vice versa. I then come downstairs, and he reads to himself. Lights supposed to be out by 9.15 but often much later, and I’ll typically have to go up again to make sure he’s turned it out, then there may be more dragging it out/chat/water requests, etc etc. I find it exhausting as I don’t get any evening time.

I’d love to just send him up with a brisk ‘I’ll be up when you’re in bed reading’ but I find if I don’t oversee, he’ll just mess about, plays music, gets hyped up etc.

Basically I’m interested to see how other people do it at this age, and looking to nick ideas!

My DS has just turned 11 and he goes up to bed at 8.30 and it’s lights out at 9pm. I pop upstairs at 9pm to give him a kiss goodnight and 50% of the time he’s asleep with a book on his face.

School holidays here so 11pm for my 11 year old. She has to be in bed with teeth done and jammies on by 10pm though and I say goodnight at 10pm and she reads or messages friends on her phone until 11. Any messing about and earlier bedtime following night or two. It has escalated quickly. Was 9pm lights out last year. On a school night would be in bed for 9pm and lights out by 9.30pm. Again any messing around means earlier bed.

Do the brisk - I'll be up when you're reading - leave a water bottle and dont leave any tech/music distractions in his room.
Wean yourself off the faffing about... he may settle easier than you think if you're not around.
(as lovely as it is to have a little gab and a cuddle, dragging it out is exhausting!)

Oh, and I dont think times matter. Mine can go up anytime between 8.30 - 10/11... depending on the day and what they have been up to.
I dont read with them any more, they prefare to read alone. So I say my goodnights when they get into bed, so they can read and drop off ie, dont have to wait for me to come back up to say goodnight ;) And I then just check the light is out before I go to bed.
They ALWAYS get their own water bottle and go to the loo before they get into bed... trained that one into them ages ago!

DD is ten. No screens after 8 except at weekends. She goes up at 830 and reads herself. I don't insist on S lights out time but she's normally asleep by 930. Friday and Saturday she either stays up or watches YouTube in bed til ten but then it's lights out straight away. Works ok for us! Just hot to keep up the reading in bed weekdays during the holidays really

My dd is 8. It should be bed at 8 and going up at 7.30. Then 9.30 at weekends but since the lockdowns it's got more and more difficult and sometimes she's talking to Alexa at 10pm. I like the idea of making it earlier if she messes about though.

DS2 is 10.
He is sent upstairs at 8.15 (thats creeping later in the holidays) to have a shower. I go up about 8.40 to kiss him good night, and put his lamp on, main light off. I probably stopped reading to him 6 months ago. Lights out by 9, but he is in control, and I've never had to insist (but probably wouldnt until 9.15).

He wakes at 6.30 on the dot, whatever the bedtime (he's done a couple of 10.30/11 bedtimes recently, and it just leaves him grumpy).

Maybe once every few months he comes downstairs at 9.30 saying he cant sleep, and we watch 15 mins or so of TV snuggled on the sofa, and then suggest he goes back upstairs.

I think the got weather makes it difficult as well my 5 year old is still awake normally asleep by 8pm. Only upside is he has been active all day so should sleep in......I hope!

My 9 year old does 8pm shower, pjs teeth (with nagging) then faffing in his room until 9. On his own no screens
Occasionally he’ll sit with me rather than play alone. Especially if he’s bothered about something but that is my time so he has to sit while I do my thing.
9 pm into bed and lights out.
It might go up to an hour later in the holiday

Thanks for the replies, I’ve enjoyed reading these. Has actually made me feel a bit better about it as I’m not widely out on the timing, I just need to rein things in a bit!

Some good ideas and advice, thanks

My 10 year old doesn’t like putting themselves to bed - as in they still want a good night, and a cuddle etc. The reading and doing lights out themselves hasn’t really worked yet but probably will in a year or two. So once they’ve done shower/teeth/pjs, I go up, and we usually read together a bit and then lights off around 9ish (though often later). I do miss the longer evenings to myself of having younger kids, but this age is easier in many ways.
In your case, I’d move the bit of bedtime you do to make it before the actual bedtime/lights out. Then you get a bit of a breather while he gets ready for bed and reads to himself and only have to go up once.

I have one word - audible worth every penny

It sounds a little bit babyish to me, if he's 10 I'm assuming he'll be going into yr 6 in September? I have an 11 year old daughter and her and her friends would laugh their heads off at a bedtime routine! Other than me saying go clean your teeth and get your pj's on we haven't had a routine for at least a couple of years!.
It's each to their own but as you have clearly had enough I would explain to your son that he's getting too old for mum to be putting him to bed and he needs his independence, maybe trial him going by himself for a week and tell him there is a small treat at the weekend if he can do it by himself without faffing

Mine (9&11) are sent to get ready for bed after we’ve eaten, or before If we’re eating late. Then we brush their teeth. They have to be in bed by 8 on a non school night or 730/745 on a school night if they want a story. They read, we read, lights out around 45 minutes later.

Mines been a nightmare since the first lockdown. He goes up at 9.30 then listens to a podcast . He's at his dad's for the summer and I'm hoping that I can move it a bit earlier when he comes back

Mine goes up at 7, reads til he wants, shouts for a hug when putting light out. I always have said if anyone can't sleep I will sit and read in their room but this is very occasional.

One thing I think that helps is we are boring so the house is quiet from 7 anyway. Plus we sometimes go to bed at 8pm! I think if adults do exciting things in the evening it makes it harder for kids to go up in case they miss out.

Our house is also small, so they are not far away, this definitely helped when younger. You can't get separation anxiety in our house