DS wants to be a girl

[btw0]

I posted this in LGBT children but I'm posting here for traffic.

DS is 13, almost 14. He's always liked ‘girly’ things even though nothing is ‘girly’! His hair is also currently long. His dad (I'm not with him anymore) hates that his son is 'girly’ and has long hair and even tried to cut it and DS is currently refusing to go to his dads. He's also in a friend group of just girls and he's never fitted in with the boys (he's told me).

DS is currently at my mums and I went into his room to get cups etc and a piece of paper fell on the floor, it said things like, he wishes he was a girl, he hates his body, he'll never be a real girl and how his life would be better if he was a girl. I noticed that the paper fell out his notebook so, as I was putting it back in, I noticed there's a lot of things like this so its obviously been going on for a while as the notebook is almost full but I obviously didn't read everything.

Do I speak to him about it when he gets home? Or pretend I haven't seen it? I just hate to think he's been thinking these things for a while and no one else knows.

Thanks for your replies.

He's had long hair and liked ‘girls’ things since he was in primary school but I wasn't bothered as he was happy. But when he started secondary school he didn't seem as confidant and kept saying he didn't have friends (he wasn't getting bullied though). But in year 8, he made friends with some girls, and he still is friends with them. I don't think he gets bullied, although a few weeks ago and older boy was laughing at him but a boy from sons class stood up to the boy and he left DS alone.

A few months ago, I did overhear DS asking his friend if he was bisexual as he has crushes on male celebrities but he wouldn't get into a relationship with a boy and his friend told him that she thought so, I didn't speak to DS about it as he doesn't know I heard the conversation.

He has seemed moody for a while but I think it's just that he's a teenager.

What's the difference between a mermaid and a rottweiler? A. You've got more chance of getting your kids back from a rottweiler.

@risefromyourgrave

Oh, and be very careful of what he is looking at on the internet. In particular the deviantart website.

What is wrong with Deviantart? My youngest has been looking at that. Should I be concerned?

Deviantart can be totally innocent, but the problem I found is that there’s a hell of a lot of dodgier stuff mingled in. It’s easy to go down a rabbit hole into some really, shall we say ‘fringe’ stuff.
I was shocked at some of the stuff my son had been looking at on there, all under the guise of art appreciation.

I checked his search history on his phone, and there's nothing odd.

I haven't spoken to him, he does seem to be in a good mood today (yesterday he wasn't as he keot telling me to leave him alone until he went to my mums). I don't know what id say to him though if I do speak to him as I didn't want him to think I was snooping.

I would just make sure you have plenty of 1:1 time, take an interest generally in his life and his feelings (you may do this already of course). Make sure you listen to him with curiosity and an open mind. If you want to address this specific subject you could say something like, “I know your Dad has given you a hard time about your hair/clothes/whatever. How does it make you feel?” or “lots of young people explore their identity and sexuality at your age. Is it something you’re thinking about?” Sometimes it can be helpful to open up with your own feelings as a kid. I would make sure you reassure him regarding sexuality- talk about gay relationships as a normal part of life so he knows you’re accepting of him if he is bisexual or gay.