I seem unable to deal with the daily ups and downs of life!! Help please

[Notcontent]

I have come to the gradual realisation that I really struggle when things go wrong in life and I think other people manage better, and it’s really ruining my life and health.

Obviously big things like family illness, losing a job, etc will get anyone down. But less important things - e.g. a roof leak or other things around the house going wrong - those sorts of things really stress me out and I keep worrying about them. I find it hard to put those things into a mental to do basket and keep enjoying life as usual. I am not sure if I am making sense... is it s sign of general anxiety? Are there coping mechanisms?

Must be just me?!

op its definalty not you!! Its so hard, I feel like this too so much of the time, I have had huge problems to cope with in the past and survived but I too worry about these things, do you have family support, Have non now and that safety net of support gone increases my worries. Also when small things have gone wrong in the house I have had awful luck trying to sort them out - eg trades people never returning my call etc/

It’s not just you. I struggle too. For me it’s less worry and more overwhelm - but other people wouldn’t be overwhelmed. I have no advice but can offer solidarity?

I hear you OP. So much needs sorting in my house some of it unforeseen and I feel I'm forever juggling many many plates. Life is bloody stressful and I'm sure I don't style it out as well as I could do. I try my best and that's all I can do I suppose.

Try not to worry about things, maybe draw up a list of things that need to be sorted in order of priority. I'm sure itll all work out fine eventually.

I have a dh but no other family and unfortunalty and I do not know why DH is just beyond useless at taking charge of any project, being street wise, watching people...reading people...its always , always me.

Nope, it's not just you OP. When things like that happen to me it makes me feel completely out of control and I can't cope. It makes me irrational and desperate to find a solution on the spot. This actually makes me less productive and then things get worse.

I started taking anti depressants for anxiety and things aren't nearly as bad now. I'm much more rational and less likely to catastrophize. They're not for everyone, I'm not suggesting that you need them - just explaining that it isn't typical to feel this way and there are things to support you.

Have a look at an Adhd assessment online, if you can do exciting or new things but mundane stuff is beyond you...it might be a revelation.

Often missed in women, forget the stereotypes.

Thanks for the moral support. I suspect part of my problem is that I am a lone parent so realistically most day to day problems are for me to sort out alone. But really, I know that objectively these are all small things that get sorted out...

@EmilyEmmabob - yes, that’s exactly it - this feeling of needing an immediate solution and out of control. I probably do need some help...

Not alone. I have been complimented on (sometimes!) being unflappable. When I am it's because I run through things in my head before they happen, eg I will read posts on mumsnet if someone has a pipe burst and learn what to do in that situation, so that if it happens to me I have a plan for it, or I know where to look. I appreciate it's not for everyone and it takes some thought but I like to turn things over as I go to sleep, so I have a plan A, plan B and am usually sorted.

Might that work for you? You could create a Pinterest board with common solutions to common problems, or links to helpful websites? Or save them as a draft email to refer to?

OMG I thought it was just me
Here is the thread I started at the beginning of the year

Catastrophising about household things... www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4136909-catastrophising-about-household-things

I also use an app called Todoist for general household maintenance and set a reminder in it each Sunday to sit down and review the tasks for the next week to see if I need to add or remove anything. That's more hit and miss but I have manage to get rid of some things that had been hanging around for ages.

I'm the same, I have almost a phobia of things going wrong and it started when my ex and I divorced. He used to deal with household repairs and I didn't have to worry about them, he was very good at DIY. Now I have to deal with it all myself I find it overwhelming (and expensive!) I sound very spoiled but I do try and have done quite a lot of jobs myself (thank you youtube!) but they're far from perfect!

I'm the same when it comes to decision making, not having a partner to talk things over with means all decisions are down to me and its bloody hard. I just want someone to say "don't worry, I'll sort it out."

Sympathies OP.

I had a thread on here a few months ago along the same lines. What I've realised since then is I need to be working and getting out the house. Especially since my house was the cause of most of my anxiety. Back then I was furloughed and at home all day. I catastrophised everything. A small mark in the wall was damp, a roof leak was going to make my house collapse, a small fault with my boiler was going to mean I had to spend thousands on another. It helped greatly going back to work and escaping it. I found writing a list of all my worries helped and I could delete when I'd resolved one. I've more than halved my list over time and it makes me feel better. Funnily enough when I went off on holiday there all the old feelings came back and I've now made an appointment with the doctor to speak to her about menopause symptoms as I think it's linked. I'm also fine just now as there is lovely weather but when it rains I am on edge and panicking about leaks. It's not good 🙁

That’s a good shout from @Wombat64. I have ADHD.

Do you exercise @Notcontent ? I find that since I started a daily exercise routine (nearly 2 years ago now!), I feel much better about myself and more in control - which in turn really helps with coping and getting things done.

Also agree with keeping lists and watching YouTube videos about common household tasks, such as adjusting boiler pressure, draining air out of radiators, replacing bath sealant, putting up a shelf, painting doors, et cetera. Knowledge is power.

A lot of anxiety is based of fear of the unknown and being overwhelmed by things that need doing. Anticipating problems in a realistic manner and sorting what's essential from 'nice-to-haves/I'll get to it when I can be bothered' is helpful.

Lastly, it's always good to remember that Rome wasn't built in a day and the way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time...

And doing one little task can lead to the impetus and/or confidence to tackle something else. For instance, yesterday I decided to clean the oven - at long last, it really really needed doing! And low and behold, I'm already 3/4 of the way through cleaning and reorganising my entire kitchen, which feels strangely and disproportionately liberating

Thanks everyone - good to know I am not alone!