Random questions about a toddler

[mamainlockdown]

I have a 12.5 month old and a couple of things on my mind. Got no-one IRL to ask. Hoping someone on here can offer advice...

1. she is sooooo lively, a real explorer, walking everywhere, never ever sits still. Tried a few baby groups like baby music but it was stressful because the other babies played with their mummies and mine just wanted to go round the room, play with the other babies, grab everything, try to walk out the door, grab the curtains, pull on the skirting board, grab the other mums bags, shoes etc etc. We don't have a garden do have been going to the park and sitting on a blanket. This is only good if the park is empty as she can crawl and walk around freely. If other people are there then all she wants to do is go over to other families, steal their picnics, toys, handbags etc etc! doesn't matter what I bring to try and entertain her. She gets impatient easily if she can't DP something like take another persons phone or toy, or climb out of the window

It's exhausting and I do feel she stands out compared to other babies/toddlers her age, eg NCT group. I was worried it's attention seeking behaviour but she is loved and cared for by me and DH, and we are a calm home, no shouting or raised voices, never watch tv, etc and lots of love and cuddles. I guess it's just her temperament but I do worry that it's something more, like a special need?

If anyone else had a 1 year old like this, did they become a challenging kid or have difficulty at school? Or did they calm down? As a baby she was happy and chilled so it's only since she's been moving that we've seen this personality and impatience emerge. I'm just worried that this will be her behaviour forever now.

2). She was bottle fed from the start as I had to EBF. She finds real comfort in her bedtime bottle but health visitors say this must be replaced with a cup. She cries if I try the cup. I'm confused because breastfed babies are allowed to continue to receive that comfort until they are older but bottle fed babies have to stop. I understand the issue with tooth decay and we brush her teeth afterwards. She's on cows milk. Is it unreasonable to want to continue bottle for a bit longer?

I have no idea on the bottle but she sounds like my toddler who runs amoc I'd say it's totally normal. You will need to start talking about taking turns, explaining that things are other people's and not for play but it takes a while for that to sink in.

I have a free range and very active 2.5yo so this rings bells for me! He is starting to get better at focussing on playing with a single thing for a while so I think part of it is just age. It sounds like she's an intrepid explorer who loves people so you might need to tailor your outings. Will she kick a ball around? Can you take her swimming to give her an outlet for her energy? I recommend a float suit if you do as then you won't need to hold onto her al the time. Have you tried soft play?

I wouldnt worry about the bottle just yet, shes still only little.

I'm afraid mine was exactly the same and at nearly 3 hasnt slowed down yet! It's totally normal and totally draining

Personally I did continue the bottle at this age, and my dc were fine to drop it a few months later. I don't see the problem if they just drink it down (in about 30 seconds at this age) and brush teeth after. I think the problem is if they get a bottle to stuck on all night in the cot.

As for running around a lot, sounds normal to me. I searched out all the fenced playgrounds nearby and made them our regular parks.

I've got 4 children. 2 of them would sit quietly and "pay attention" to the class and the other 2 would run around in circles. Nothing wrong with any of them!
I gave a bottle until 19 months with one of my ds. I just brushed his teeth after. With my first, I followed the hv advice and all that happened is that he wouldn't drink milk!

It all sounds normal! I’d make sure she has plenty of active play- go to the park and kick a ball with her, soft play, swimming or baby gym if you want to do a class. When you go for walks use reins if she won’t hold hands to avoid her getting into random picnics.

I’d stick with the bedtime bottle for now. In real life, not health visitor cloud cuckoo land, I don’t know anyone that managed to ditch it before 15 months. You’re already brushing teeth afterwards so I wouldn’t worry at all. You’re doing great

Is she starting nursery soon? Mine started at 15 months, loved it, and it was great for tiring her out!

HV🙄she's fine with her bottle for now, don't stress.

She's not unusual in being full on! Nor is she lining up for an ASBO. Forget sitting quietly playing on a rug when out!! She's just found her feet and wants to play/explore!

Let her play in the playground and learn to climb etc

Put reins on her if it makes life easier and take a ball to the park & bubbles etc.

It's hard work, but it's a lovely age/stage, TRY to enjoy her & stop worrying about what the future holds.

Don't forget, the kids you've seen at the groups are the ones that have gone back because it suits them! You haven't seen all the others that have gone once/twice and decided not to go again!!

All completely normal! I could have written this post when my DD1 was that age. She's now nearly 3 and sits through classes really well, is very well liked at nursery by the staff (when she started at 11 months she refused to sit down for mealtimes!), plays so so well with her toys at home (at one stage when she'd spent ages ransacking our bookshelves I wondered if she'd ever play with her toys!) and I can take her round the supermarket without her being in the trolley (don't get me wrong, it's not a leisurely, relaxing experience, but she's pretty good!). I found things improved massively once her understanding and speech started to develop. Nursery has also been great too. The only similar issue we have now to your post is she is pretty awful at sitting down to eat meals. She doesn't enjoy eating much and struggles to sit still. We don't go to restaurants very often for this reason!

She's not unusual in being full on! Nor is she lining up for an ASBO.

Haha this made me laugh! Thank you.

Good to hear that this behaviour is not so uncommon despite what I see at baby groups.

Honestly, don't compare if you can help it!
Sounds like a bright, inquisitive active 1 year old. Fab! (But exhausting)

Re the bottle - keep it for now and try again in a month or so. No schedule to meet. HV is being a bit OTT.

My DD was the same - at toddler dance groups all the others would meekly follow the leader and mine ran around the room shouting and swinging on the curtains 🤣🤣

We had to have her on reins until she was over 3. She is a little quieter now but she is LIVELY. “Spirited” LOL 😂

DD never sat still, I remember a few judgy mums who had very quiet children. She’s very quiet now though.

I kept bottles for longer than recommended, no harm done.

Thank you! Omg yes the judgey mums! I went to a baby music class which had some newborns in it! The mums were sat on chairs cradling their newborns looking at me with sympathetic smiles.

@mamainlockdown

Thank you! Omg yes the judgey mums! I went to a baby music class which had some newborns in it! The mums were sat on chairs cradling their newborns looking at me with sympathetic smiles.

Those looks are probably just either extreme sleep deprivation or absolutely horror at what they've got to come!

I have 2 DDs - the youngest was like yours, never still, even now she's very active, even if she's on the sofa watching tv, she's constantly fidgeting, hanging upside down, up and down off the sofa. She's just very active, and she can focus and persevere on an activity when she's interested, she'd just rather move (she's nearly 4). The older one, I practically have to chase to get her moving, she would sit and read the whole day without moving a muscle if I let her.

Sounds like my DD1, she's just turned 2 and still a whirlwind. Would love for her to sit still for more than 5 minutes and when I see others her age watching a cartoon I am green with envy! She's wonderful, but I do enjoy the two days she's in childcare also! My DD2 is far more chilled, funny how different they are. DD1 still has her milk bottle before bed, ignore the HV it's totally fine.

The 'compliments' family and childcare give her are hilarious.... 'spirited' 'lots of character' 'independent'.... I.e a pain in the arse! 😂

My health visitor actually told me not to be in a rush to get rid of DS's evening bottle when I said that it was the only one he had and that he got a lot of comfort from it. I then just randomly tried giving him a cup of milk instead when he was 18 months and he was fine with it and never had another bottle again. Though he's 3 now and still has a cup of milk before bed and it's now the only drink he has out of a sucky cup (the munchkin 360) rather than an open cup and I think he still gets comfort from that ritual. He brushes his teeth afterwards so who cares? I think a lot of the warnings about having a bottle too long conflate having a bottle at all with people who put it in the cot for the baby to have all night or who fill bottles with juice etc. One bottle followed by toothbrushing is not the same thing, at all.

First off, do you still behave how you did at 12.5months old? Nah, didn't think so. Don't worry that she's going to behave like her toddler self for the rest of her life!

Secondly, attention is a human need especially for a developing child, so if she were attention seeking that would not be "naughty" it would just be a piece of information to tell you that you might need to adjust your behaviour to meet her needs better. But in this case she just sounds like she's curious about her world, which is great.

She cries if I try the cup.

I don't have an opinion on whether it's right or wrong to persevere with the change, but just as an observation for the future - she's crying in that scenario because it's different to what she's used to. Not because you're doing something terrible or harmful.

How does change from the familiar feel to you? Uncomfortable, worrying, confusing, sad, exciting, unsettling...

Crying is how she communicates that to you. It doesn't mean you automatically have to reverse what you're doing. Sometimes it will be about letting her adjust and feel secure that this new change is ok and safe because you're showing her that by how calm and positive you are (rather than anxious and worried because she's upset).

I think you're overthinking a lot. Don't be so hard on yourself. And also, don't forget that her brain is still developing - she isn't experiencing the world the way you do, she doesn't have the same brain processes as you yet. When she was born she didn't have any concept of existing, of being a being, of being separate from you - it's not that she was born with a miniature fully developed brain like yours but just didn't know how to talk yet. A baby's brain is just reacting to stimuli and over time becomes more sophisticated as she has more experiences of the world and builds pathways based on those experiences. Pulling at curtains and finding out what happens and how it feels when she does that is part of her brain development!

So maybe worth just pausing and reminding yourself of that when you find yourself thinking of her /treating her as if she were a miniature adult cognitively, attributing motives that she's isn't cognitively capable of, etc. Your role as her parent is to help her brain develop healthily with the pathways that will set her up for her future life. Worrying a bit less will help you in that.

Your daughter sounds lovely and you're clearly doing great apart from all the worrying!

@mamainlockdown

Thank you! Omg yes the judgey mums! I went to a baby music class which had some newborns in it! The mums were sat on chairs cradling their newborns looking at me with sympathetic smiles.

Also, and I don't mean this in an arsey way, but I really think you're overestimating your mind-reading abilities!

I bet most people aren't thinking any of the things you've imagined.

Op my DD was like this. I used to try and bring her to a baby class in the local library with instruments and songs and she spent more time trying to touch the other children's musical instruments and running around, crying if she didn't get what she wanted. I ended up stop going. Looking back she was only a toddler and that's why they do, you think only your child does it but they don't.

My DD is now 7 years old and such a lovely well mannered and sociable girl honestly she's is fantastic. Let your child explore or find another activity such as baby swimming etc

My ds (age 2.5) was like this at 1. My house has been destroyed, he’s pulled/twisted the handle off every drawer we own, etc.,. He’s still a wild card now but the bonus is that he’s really sociable and kind with other children.

Additionally, I always said I’d remove the bottle and dummy by 12 months. I had started to phase out the dummy when lockdown hit and that went out of the window. The dummy needs to go now but the bottle hasn’t done much harm. He would refuse to drink milk out of anything other than a bottle until the age of 2 (even when he could drink water out of an open cup). It was the bottle or no milk. I thought the milk was more important.

I've had 3. One was like this. It was hell.

If we went to the park, he would go for the gate. If we went to stay and play, he would climb everything. He never sat down. He could fall asleep anywhere, in any position.

He is now 12 and has been an angel at school throughout. He occasionally has trouble with anger expression, but is coming through this. Absolutely no indication of his crazy toddler years at all.

She sounds absolutely delicious nothing wrong with a spark.
My son had a cup with meals from one but a bottle for nap and bedtime. We dropped the nap bottle at maybe two? At three when we had good communication we had him decorate a box and send his bottles to babies who needed them in the post. Bought him a special straw cup as a reward. Zero tears.
I wasn't concerned about his teeth from one bottle a day, I've seen some pretty horrid teeth formation in a child who had her bottle in her mouth all day every day as a comforter but ten minutes a day feels insignificant.

You notice your own child's behaviour much more than any others, I am sure the other children at baby class have their moments too.

I would continue bottle, we did and both my kids have great teeth (so far anyway! Age 11 and 6) Bottle up until well over 2 I think. As long as they also learn to use cup as well I don't think it matters too much.