Kids keep leaving dd out and telling her they hate her

[howdoihelpherr]

I could really do with some advice. Dd started at a new school recently due to a house move and she’s really struggling to settle in. A few weeks ago the children on the table she sat with started ignoring her and wouldn’t pass her equipment etc when they were meant to be sharing it out. The teacher dealt with it at the time and all was good. Then the girls started saying “put your hand up if you hate dd” and everyone on the table did that. She was very upset, wouldn’t go to school and told me that whenever she tried talking to them they would tell her to “shut up” or “I don’t care, shut up”.

I spoke to the teacher again who was very good about it, said she’d noticed a bit of nastiness (with the sharing stuff out) and would move dd to a new table and split the old table up around the room. She did but dd still refused to go to school because she said she has no friends. School persuaded her to come by implementing a star chart and a treat at the end of the week. They stopped doing that after a week so now dd is convinced they’ve forgotten about her and they dislike her too. Lots of tears about missing her old school (where she was well liked and had a good group of friends).

I managed to get her to go into school again with a bit of bribery and she came out bursting excited because she’d been invited to a party. I was very happy thinking yay she does have friends maybe she’d misunderstood the other kids a bit. The next day she told the girl she was coming to her party and is very excited about it. The girl told her “shut up I don’t care”. Dd is devastated because she thought she’d made friends and was so so excited and it’s all been shattered again and she said she felt so embarrassed and stupid for getting her hopes up.

I’m so worried and sad for her. She’s crying every night and morning before school, she says she has no friends, and school got her hopes up with this bloody reward chart that has just been abandoned. Her confidence is being destroyed bit by bit.

I just want to make it better for her and I don’t know how. It’s getting to the point now where she’s begging to leave school and be home educated but that’s not an option for us. Schools in the area are oversubscribed so I can’t just move her and this school was supposed to be really good and inclusive.

Has anyone had a similar situation before or have any advice?

@Daffodilsforspring

The teacher admitted that she had seen 'nastiness' so needs to be doing more than just moving her to a new table and splitting the other children up. Those children need consequences and parents need to be made aware. This needs to be monitored. I think you should go back to the school and talk to them. I'm sorry this is happening to your daughter.

Absolutely this. The teacher noticed some nastiness.. well she needs to bloody well do something about it then ffs 🤦🏻‍♀️

How old is she? I think how you would approach this will be very different depending on her age.

Arsebucket

I got pitying looks when I told people where Ds went to school

The new HT when we went to look round the school said he had only started the previous term. He had been able to pick and choose the new teachers (only one remained from before he took over) He also said because the school was in special measures and they had to bring a new HT they had given him a huge one off payment to spend how he wanted.
About a year later not only had this school gone from in special measures to Outstanding and oversubscribed but the Outstanding school had been demoted to in special measures and the head and several teachers had left (or been asked to leave)

We did look around another outstanding primary and the HT heavily inferred as Ds was coming into a class that had settled friendship groups that he would struggle to make friends and the groups might not like an outsider disturbing their cliques.

She was really horrible to us.

Yeah I lived that too. It got a million times better when I went to secondary.

I had this at school after a move 10 weeks into first year of secondary. A petition was started to 'send me back where I came from' and school refused to act (ringleaders were captains in sports teams, eventually became head girl/deputy head girl etc). I ended up with an eating disorder, lifelong victim to workplace bullying, underperforming academically. Move your child if it persists.

Sorry to hear your DD is struggling OP. It's a terrible feeling, for both her and you.

I'd go back to the school before the end of term and explain clearly how badly this is affecting DD. Tell them that you expect them to act decisively to put an end to the bullying. Which exclusion clearly is.

Agree also with PPs that finding an activity out of school is crucial, to get her to meet nicer, normal kids. Friendships out of school pretty much saved my DD when similar happened to her around year 5. Start this very summer, any clubs at all that she may enjoy, no matter how short term, to build up her confidence and let her see there are nice people her age.

Good luck to you both.