It’s happened again..

[fanofsun]

It’s been a good 24-36 months of fostering friendships - working hard. Going for walks - invites to my house pre-covid. Inviting kids to my kid’s parties. Sending birthday cards and presents (and yes I got those for my birthday) but today (damn you Facebook) they’re all out together (granted there is the rule of 6). But having been interacting with 3 of the six in the last 72 hours alone I thought someone might have mentioned it.

But no they’re out together. I give up. They won’t probably even realise I’ve given up and will carry on as usual. I hate Facebook and all the joy it sucks out of my life.

It’s been more than that too - professional support - emotional support. Helping with kids. Just everything a mum community does… Just tell me I’m over thinking it please..

Also I would say with most of the group we’ve been friends actually for over 7 years I’ve probably worked harder the last 3 years

Yanbu. I would be hurt too. Sending hugs

Oh that sucks! Could it have been a ‘mutual interest’ thing? Or a last minute ‘I thought you asked fan of suntocome, no I thought you did’?

You have FOMO. It hurts. I get it.

Delete Facebook, I did. It worked wonders for my friendships, and general happiness.
Now I have no idea what other people get up to unless I'm told. Just the way it should be.

Yanbu 💐 but delete Facebook if it's sucking all the joy out of your life.. xx

Urgh I’d be tempted to write a sarcastic “hope you had a lovely time” message on the photo.

And then reign it right in. Be polite if they speak to you but don’t initiate conversation. Certainly don’t do them any favours. They sound horrid.

I’m sorry but I don’t understand. I get that you’ve done a lot for and with these people but you don’t own their time. How do know that they’re not planning on including you in something later in the week? You don’t have to be part of it all. I am sorry your feelings are hurt though.

I'll give the other side and say I'be been a bad friend recently. I am single parent to two youngsters and have no mental or emotional energy left to foster friendships.

Though if they got out but didn't include you it does suck. Do you sometimes suggest such outings ? Often these things tend to be quid pro quo.

And I agree. Delete fb. I haven't logged in for almost a year and don't miss it at all.

Yes I suggest outings …. Had asked what they were doing for their birthdays. I will see one of them before then and give them their gift the other I had dropped by on their actual birthday with a card and gift. It’s ok guys. You know what I’m pretty resilient.

I know I don’t own their time but this is pretty shit guys it really is.

Post a message saying wish I could have come. Not good and weird that they didn't mention it. Or you could talk to the person you are closest to out of the 6 and ask why

If is shit. Sorry OP.

What do you mean Its happened again @fanofsun? What happened before?

But you are doing great!
You have friends, and interact with them.
The problem is facebook!
Have all your friends been included in all your outings? I bet you not.
Stop checking facebbok or other social media.
Just judge how your friends are with you, in person.
Nothing wrong with telling them you would have love to join them in a non confrontational way. That would take you further than any self pity because facebook.
People must have been really happy on the days pre- facebook I tell you

Yes I’m catching up with one of my friends next week I’m sure it wouldn’t have been intentional - current rules don’t help.

Yes once before that I know of but I would say that was in the earlier days.

It’ll be ok. I’m fine - jeez in the grand scheme of things - PP is right can’t do everything with everyone all the time

I’d rather not be confrontational on Facebook - as well it just makes me look a bit spoilt or hard done by and I know they’re off course all my friend still!

The 6 might have known each other longer or feel closer and because of the limits on numbers had a hard choice to make.

If they had told you about it beforehand that they were going out with mates and you cannot come you would have probably felt worse.

If you feel that these aren't worthy of your time anymore, delete them from facebook. Why delete the whole thing when you can use it to find more friends?

It’s fine I posted in initial rage - I’ve had a tough week with a bereavement probably feeling more sensitive than I should

Yes I imagine limits on numbers etc

I end up feeling like a filler in friend if all else fails if you need a lift if you want someone to help you pay call unamedcat one of my friends used to hint about bus times and prices and can I reach x by bus hun? What about walking hun? Thinking I would offer her a lift which I did if I was going that way without my kids but then she began asking me to be her taxi not including me and my kids I told her I was busy and I've put a massive distance between us since

I just can't keep friends or find good ones

Deffo a filler - probably for too many and spread myself thin. This though was my focus group - I have a large extended family and I also have my uni friends etc so I’m not out on a limb this was just friends in the community they’re still my friends as with many others i just prob prioritise them more

And think of it as them doing you a favour.
Instead of spending money going out with them, you can spend it doing other, possibly more enjoyable things.

I've been invited to a considerable amount of these over the decades. The majority has been we pay for our own and the birthday person. And before you know it you're counting things up mentally because the birthday person is already on their fourth shot and the meals haven't been ordered yet,. Not sure why I still get asked tbh as I don't go,

I seem to be a complete CF magnet when it comes to friends. I've given up as a result, and rarely use social media.

It's quite liberating tbh.

I know the feeling OP. I seem to attract disingenuous friends. Ones who are ashamed/embarrassed to be seen with the fat limping woman. Perfectly happy to sit on the phone to me for hours ranting about whatever issue they have. To borrow £20 from or ask favours of. Never there for me when I need them....

I now have ZERO friends. It hurts. I actually think it hurts more than having shit friends, contrary to what most have said on here. I drive past groups of women sat outside cafès or restaurants, sipping drinks & laughing and it makes me weep. I recently got some horrendous news and I was desperate to talk to someone about it but had nobody to ring. My Mum isn't the person to call when you're upset and I have nobody else I can call.

Don't give up on them yet, OP. See if the meet-up is mentioned. I would def want to know why I was excluded though.