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Original poster

I've been blacklisted by the neighbours for something I haven't done!

49 replies

CaptainCallisto · 16/07/2021 17:09

I live on a housing estate in a village. It's one of those places where everyone knows everyone and all the kids play out. Last week, I got removed from the FB page for families on the estate. The following day DS2 got told he wasn't allowed to play with the group of kids on the green and got sent home by one of the mums. I've also been repeatedly ignored by people in the village shop or in the street. Twice now, the kids have been told they're not allowed to play.

I have finally found out (through someone telling DH) what is going on. Our next door neighbour has been reported to social services for a child safety concern and everyone thinks it was me. It wasn't though! I've never had any cause to report them for anything! I tried to speak to our neighbour about it, and she said she was given my name by the council and "who the fuck else could it have been?" before saying she'd rather I didn't speak to her again and slamming the gate.

I genuinely don't know what to do. If it was just people being arsey with me I would just live with it, but it's not fair on my kids. All their friends are refusing to play with them or have been told they're not allowed to. Has anyone been in a situation like this? Did it heal itself, or is this going to be it now?

OP posts:
PurpleMustang · 16/07/2021 17:25

Christ, can't really help but damn what a way to deflect from the actual problem by scapegoating an innocent person and your kids.

philadelphiafreedom · 16/07/2021 17:27

Another mum sent him home?! I’d be livid.

Not sure what to suggest, but the local authority wouldn’t disclose referrers name in these circumstances, and of course especially as it wasn’t you.

purpleme12 · 16/07/2021 17:28

Are you friends with any of them on Facebook?
I'd do A Facebook post on my wall saying what's happened. I wouldn't be able to help myself

Original poster
CaptainCallisto · 16/07/2021 17:32

I thought about putting something on FB but I'm wary of stirring the pot. I don't know why she's convinced herself it must have been me - we're in back to back terraces so her garden is overlooked by about six houses.

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 16/07/2021 17:38

I see what you're saying
But it sounds like it's got really bad anyway!

BlueSurfer · 16/07/2021 17:43

Whilst I’m sure the council didn’t give her your name, I would log a complaint with them about the fact your neighbour has said you did.

2bazookas · 16/07/2021 17:44

Its possible that whoever did report her, used your name . Though I would be surprised that social services revealed any name to her.

     But you can check out  both, with the council, and if  either is true , insist  that the council publically clears your name.  Make sure you take the name and position of every person you speak to and a  (dated) note of their response.  Take it up with your MP if the council is unhelpful.  

      Does your household insurance  include legal cover that could help you?   Might be useful to check.
beigebrownblue · 16/07/2021 17:48

Really not trying to be rude, but I feel you sould stop pretending to be friends with these people anyway.

Why do you want them anywhere near your DD/DS?

beigebrownblue · 16/07/2021 17:50

These things go on round here too.

You can't be certain the person concerned was telling you the truth.

They are not going to know who reported them, it is just an excuse to make you feel paranoid.

Honestly.

bigbaggyeyes · 16/07/2021 17:50

Another mum told your dc he couldn't play on the green and sent him him Shock I'd have been straight over there and had it out with her!

purpleme12 · 16/07/2021 17:50

I'm taking it that the children are just doing what they're told by their parents ie the children aren't horrible people and OP's child wants to play with these children

bigbaggyeyes · 16/07/2021 17:52

I thought about putting something on FB but I'm wary of stirring the pot

I think the pot has been well and truly stirred already

Original poster
CaptainCallisto · 16/07/2021 17:54

I've just put a message on FB to say "I've been made aware today of a rumour that I've reported a neighbour to social services. I just want to make it clear that this is not the case. I don't know the details of what has been reported, or who it actually was, but I've never had any issue with (neighbour) or the way they raise their kids. I know those of you who have made your minds up to hate and ignore us probably won't believe me, but I'm asking you please - even if you think I'm lying through my teeth - don't take it out on my kids. Whatever you think I've done is nothing to do with them, and they don't deserve to be sent away or be told they can't play with their friends"

I figured I couldn't make it worse at this point. I just wish I knew what the report had been so I know if it's likely to be a quick visit from a social worker and nothing more said, or an ongoing thing.

OP posts:
stairway · 16/07/2021 17:54

They all sound like a bunch of bullies.

BarefootHippieChick · 16/07/2021 17:57

Jesus christ. All I can say is, with nasty neighbours like yours, consider moving and quickly.

Loudestcat14 · 16/07/2021 18:00

@CaptainCallisto

I thought about putting something on FB but I'm wary of stirring the pot. I don't know why she's convinced herself it must have been me - we're in back to back terraces so her garden is overlooked by about six houses.
Who cares about stirring the pot now?! That pot is well and truly stirred. I would absolutely be putting a message on FB to set the record straight – if you don't, your silence will be taken as an admission of guilt.

If it were me, I'd start by saying you are horrified to have discovered that you have been accused of reporting another family to social services. You can categorically confirm it was not you, this is not something you would do. Then say you do not believe that SS would have divulged anyone's name, let alone yours, because GDPR would prohibit them from doing so. Therefore you are being falsely accused and defamed and it has to stop. But then make a big point of saying you being accused isn't the worst of it. What's worst is that your children are being ostracised and bullied by other children and adults for something I haven't done and that needs to stop too. Then finish by saying whoever did report to SS is clearly living within this community and how they can sit back and let my family be treated so appallingly shows what vile cowards they are.

Seriously, detonate the bomb. You have absolutely nothing to lose at this point.

Loudestcat14 · 16/07/2021 18:00

Ah, crossed post! Your FB comment is much better than mine, far more restrained!

Imnothereforthedrama · 16/07/2021 18:02

Jesus what’s wrong with these people, even if they did think it was you what’s it got to do with your dc and sending him home that’s awful.
It’s either
Someone had given your name but even if that’s true I honestly can’t believe the council would give a name .
She’s lying she wasn’t given your name but why lie ?
I’d be intrigued and also fuming to find out why someone would lie .
It’s actually a viciously lie and even if you do ignore your kids are suffering.
I think Your going to have to confront her properly email her write her letter and say it absolutely wasn’t you and you want to know who’s said this as you are going to put a complaint in with the council . Let’s see if she back tracks
Liars always get found out .

youngandbroken · 16/07/2021 18:07

It never ceases to amaze me how so called adults carry on like a bunch of school children gossiping in the playground Confused the council wouldn't disclose the name, is there any reason she would think it was you - or perhaps someone else has convinced her it was you? It's all very strange and they don't sound like the sort of people I'd want my children around anyway but its not fair on your children so hopefully the Facebook post sets things straight if not I'm not sure what you can do. What a vile group of people to be so cruel to children.

EmergencyHydrangea · 16/07/2021 18:13

Bloody hell, what a bunch of cunts. Do you live in Midsommer?

Hopefully it won't be everyone who is blacklisting you even if it feels like it. There will be some people who are refusing to jump to conclusions

Gingerkittykat · 16/07/2021 18:16

I probably would have added that social services wouldn't have given out the name of a complainant due to confidentiality.

And because I'm a snarky bitch I would make some comments asking what really went on, why did someone really phone SS and how the neighbour obviously had to look at who her real friends are.

PenguinIce · 16/07/2021 18:34

What a nightmare, hope the FB post helps. Doubt the Council would give out the name of the person who reported your neighbour, sounds like she is lying.

BluebelllsRosesDaffodills · 16/07/2021 19:00

Even if OP had done this, why are so many people that have nothing to do with it willing to get involved?!

Grassing to SS is hardly like being revealed as a peadophile is it!

Are all these people extremely young/ low IQ?

Original poster
CaptainCallisto · 16/07/2021 19:10

I think part of the issue is that DH and I are incomers. Pretty much everyone living on the estate has lived here all their lives. Everyone's related to everyone else, and they are very insular. I'm not saying nobody has been nice since we moved here (just before the first lockdown) but I think it's easier for them to believe that the family who moved here from elsewhere 'betrayed' one of them than that one of their own made the report. We've been the butt of a few jokes for being southern fairies etc since we moved (in spite of the fact DH is actually from further North than this...) but it's always seemed in good humour. Now I'm starting to wonder if I was naiive in thinking nobody meant anything by it...

OP posts:
HelgaDownUnder · 16/07/2021 19:22

Do you know of anyone who might have an issue with you, her or her parenting?
Do you think the report was vindictive or someone was genuinely concerned?
You did the right thing calling out adults bullying your kids.