So it's probably going to be a long one.
My whole life I have felt like my parents prefer my sister. My mum in particular.
My mum is a very strong character. ALL my life she has been loving yet with a very strong personality. For example if I liked something as a child, which she didn't she would rather harshly tell me so, for example. She criticises others heavily. She criticises my Dad and he has always put up with it. She almost prides herself on her temper. I often feel she looks down her nose at me for not being as much of a snob as her. I send my kids to state school whereas she wouldn't have wanted to do that....she looks down at people, their homes, etc whereas she actually lives in a part of the country where your money goes much further. Therefore, in her eyes we own a "very ordinary" home but in reality it costs us an awful lot.
I was born healthily and straightforwardly after a previous stillbirth. My sister came after me and with life threatening prematurity. She made it through. I think she has always been preferred. I have often squared it away as her being the one who overcame severe health issues and just extreme relief on my parents part.
My sister was slimmer and pretty all through childhood and adulthood. I was chubby from about 7-12 and felt desperately unhappy. At about 14 I developed anorexia and has a sketchy few years with that. I think looks are very important to my mum, particularly how her girls looked. She almost saw it as a compliment if men leered at us on holiday when we were teens, it confirmed us as beautiful to her. My mum used to tell us about how slim she was when she was younger. She kept some of her clothes, we didn't really bother wearing them though and I think she liked that they were a little tight on us. No wonder I was messed up. She always told me how my sister had low self esteem. I think I must have done too. She's tell me off for not putting lipstick on, as it made me look "better".
Other issues that happened in my teens.....my sister ran away. When she eventually came home they bought her a brand new convertible car. I couldn't believe it. They had bought me one too which used to make me feel so embarrassed. I'd rather have had a bit of an old banger....but I had also been so trouble free. I was upset my sister had caused so much trouble over the years and still be treated the same way as me. In fairness they have always been financially generous during our teens and childhood. Private school, pets, ponies,es, cars-I guess looking back, all outward show, partly for other perhaps? That stopped after University. I haven't had any money from them since then and I feel more comfortable about that.
Never the less, years have gone by. I have two children my sister has recently had a baby. My parents look after my sisters baby two days a week and it seems to be a long term, permanent thing. They have never done anything like that for me. They can't really because I live further away so it wouldn't be possible. However I feel quite hurt. I can't believe they are doing this for her and not me but most of all, I wish they'd just acknowledge it to me. Well my Mum acknowledge it really...she rules the roost. My father is just a grumpy old man who lets himself get bossed around.
I have always felt my mum has a preference for girls. I have two boys and yes, surprise surprise...my sister has a girl. When we found out my no.2 was a boy, she said "oh....it's another boy" and she had been looking at baby girl clothes, saying to my sister how nice it would be for me to have a girl. She has odd, two dimensional ideas around boys a lot of the time. I'd like to point out that I love my two boys, haven't madly craved a girl and just find myself enjoying my amazing sons as people. I think she views me with some pity.
My sister has tended to change jobs every three years or so. Within this time my mum starts to refer to all her colleagues by name and gets to know all the dynamics of the office etc. We have to sit enraptured listening to tales of her job and follow all the office politics.
She barely knows the ins and outs of my work, (my sisters job is much more similar to the area my mum worked in) and when I do talk about my work (which is rare) I get shut down quickly and doesn't seem to want to entertain it in the glowing way she does with my sister.
There is so much more to it than this, as there always is with families, but these are some examples I could think of this morning.
Does it sound like my sister is the favourite?
How should I deal with her behaviour? I do love her but not in the way I used to. I feel like I am the adult now, who needs to deal with her a little like she is a boundary-less toddler. She won't change but I can.
There really won't be any point in talking to her about any of it.