Share of Tax Rebate

[Juelz]

DH retired early. I still work, albeit part-time. I don’t earn very much and always pick up overtime to boost my income.
DH received a 4K tax rebate this week. He gave me £300 to ‘buy some clothes’. I thanked him and said I would rather he put the money into my account to reduce my overdraft. I actually feel a bit pissed off about this, as I feel he could have given me more, maybe not half, but he knows I am struggling & have an overdraft & it would have been nice if he had offered to clear it for me. AIBU ??

Have you always run your money separately?

Its hard to tell without some detail on how finances work.

So he's loaded and retired and you're working and struggling.

Divorce and get half his pension?

We both have separate accounts & also a joint account, into which I put half the amount he puts in. He retired with a large lump sum, plus a good annual income. I earn half his current income (with overtime).
I have debts from a previous marriage, as I had to move out & start afresh.

How long have you been married?

Its a difficult one, because I have a lump sum coming and am planning on making dps financial position, better. But also keeping the majority.

We aren't married and keep money separately. But I am not sure if I would be keen on paying off his debt, from his marriage.

The reason I am trying to make his financial position better, is because he took a step back, to support me taking a step up in my career. Which where my money is coming from.

I suppose it really depends on the relationship and how money has worked in the past and why you are dealing with your debt alone.

But I think I would want to help out dp. The £300 can be put towards your, overdraft. I think he just wanted you to treat yourself. Rather than suggest something practical.

We’ve been together 12 years, married for 5. My debt is from leaving my ex for my current DH. I didn’t have debts before then. I just feel a bit miffed, as if it were the other way round, I wouldn’t hesitate to help him.
He also has a lot of savings stashed away.

I also used to work full time & had a very good job with a good income, so at that point my debts were manageable. I had to give up my job due to a spell of ill health & now only work part time, so my income has dramatically reduced. Just to give the bigger picture.

I can see why you are a bit miffed. Given he has a lot of income.

I guess it probably didn't enter his head since money is separate.

Are you close to paying the debt off?

Do you feel you can speak to him about the inequality in finances?

He doesn’t really think about money the way I do & I have to use my income wisely. I don’t think he has ever had to do that.
I don’t have too much debt left & it’s not like I can’t afford to pay it off each month.
I guess I’m just pissed off about him not sharing his ‘windfall’, as I would have done, had it been the other way round. At the end of the day, he’s always known about my debts & never offered to help, so I guess I shouldn’t really be surprised!

What is his view on you being in debt for 12 years as a result of leaving for him? Think that is the bigger issue, it doesn't sound like particularly good decision!

That's not a marriage

Have you ever addressed this issue since you had to go part time? Has he?