Giving up breast feeding feel guilty

[Lemonsandlemonade]

Hi all,

I have a lovely 6 week old baby boy.

I like breastfeed I really do but I just feel like a milk maid. The constant feeding being Velcroed to my son is something I am finding quite hard.

Today is a hard day DH has been on a 12 hour shift and got back about 7:30. He left for work at 6. DS has fed every hour and half since and has slept for about 3 hours in total. He is over tired and grumpy. Ds not DH.

I wonder would a bottle be easier in terms of having a break and leaving ds with someone?

Will it affect our bond?

Will I regret not persevering?

I still find feeding in public hard on times too.

Sorry am at a low tonight

It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

I mixed fed my kids for 19 months each.

Sorry today is a tough day. It does get easier. When I was feeding mine the best advice I had was not to give up on a bad day ❤️

If you want to stop, then stop.

However 6 weeks is about the hardest point, it gets (gradually) easier from then on.

You could also try mixed feeding if you wanted to, the best of both worlds.

Hang on in there - you know you have mixed feeding up your sleeve if the bad days do not fly. One day at a time.

It’s all just hard in the few months. It’s ok to feel this way- I’d say it’s very normal.

Couldn’t you get a break and continue to breastfeed? Could someone come and hold the baby in between feeds for a few hours?

Please don't feel guilty if you decide to stop. Do what's right for you. I always found the evenings so hard emotionally, not sure if this is the same for you but maybe sleep on it and see how you feel tomorrow.

If you decide to stop it will not affect your bond and your baby will not know.

If you even remotely want to continue then see if you can get some real life support. As pp have said, you can combi feed.

Do mixed feeding! Either formula or expressed - i used a hakka type pump and it was amazing for collecting the milk although you will feel like a dairy cow!
You are right in the thick of it currently and I found it got so much easier at about 3 months - do you feed lying down as I found that was a game changer

Do what you want my love, don't feel guilty. Some babies will still feed lots even if you switch to bottles. I don't have much breastfeeding experience at all, mine were all bottle fed after about a week but I do know that you shouldn't suddenly stop breastfeeding after it's been established as you run the risk of becoming engorged and developing mastitis. I hope you aren't punishing yourself. You have fed him with your milk for 6 weeks and kept him inside of you for 9 months.

Giving up on breastfeeding altogether is definitely a valid thing to consider, but here are a few other options to throw into the mix:

1. introduce some formula every now and then (“combi-feeding”)
2. pump milk so that DH can give your DS a bottle of breastmilk and you can have some alone time (I’m doing that tonight with my 7-week-old and I’ll be out for 2 hours at a yoga class!)

Honestly, breastfeeding or no breastfeeding, I’ve found 6 weeks a particularly low point with all three of my DCs. The adrenaline from birth has well and truly worn off, the sleep deficit has accumulated, and the baby’s needs are just CONSTANT. It can be hard to believe there’s light at the end of the tunnel. But with my first two I found there was a turning point around 10 weeks when things started to get noticeably easier, then again around 6 months where I actually started feeling bored and not busy enough! You’ll get there, I promise. :-)

Hope you feel better soon OP, whatever you decide to do.

I'm pumping so I get a break from being the feeder. It's so full on with newborns... Don't give up on a bad day.

Breastfeeding does get easier as your baby gets older, he will gradually go longer between feeds, but you can at times still feel tied to a baby. I’m 14weeks in with my second, first was bottle fed for various reasons. If you want to try mixed feeding start now with maybe one bottle, so if you ever feel you need a break you know your son will take a bottle. I started to late at 10 weeks and my son point blank is refusing a bottle (and a dummy). If he’s been an efficient feeder and his latch is fine, it shouldn’t effect supply.

It will get better!! I mixed feed all mine from birth. One bottle of formula an evening to get a break. This meant I felt I had a balance and meant gradually switching to bottle when I returned to work at 9 months was a smooth transition. Felt this worked for all 3. I would say hang in there as you are prob at the worst point. It really doesn't have to be a all or nothing approach.

It’s totally up to you, but it will get better. The ‘always feeding’ thing ends fairly quickly (as do bleeding nipple and all the other fun, IME).

I found that when we were in the swing of things, it was the loveliest thing ever. And once you’re out and about it’s way more convenient than having to faff around with flasks of boiled water or whatever.

Honestly - you’ve done the hard bit. Don’t do anything which doesn’t suit you, but if I were in your position again I’d power through it.

Good luck!

I managed 3 weeks the combo fed until DS was 3 months. He had 2-3 bottles of breast milk and the rest formula.

I was always told that bottle feeding is easier for the first 8 weeks & after is harder whilst breastfeeding is the reverse.
If that's true you've already done 3/4 of the harder bit!

Breastfeeding is so intense for the first 3 months (4th trimester) but it does get much easier, baby gets bigger, your supply stabilises, you both know what you're doing etc

Feeding in public gets much easier too partly because they're older, partly because you get better at it (& eventually because you give less fucks )

Baby will get fed either way but I think the advice above not to give up on a bad day is really good.

*then

I'd put it down to a bad day if possible and try to get past it. It will get easier and it will get better. Normally after 6-8 weeks it starts to get better all of a sudden

I definitely had days like that with my dd, it's so so hard having them on you all day and not getting a break!

I felt like giving up quite a few times but she's 13 months old now and we're still going and I'm so glad I kept going.

It might be worth letting your husband give a bottle every now and again to give you a break especially on hard days.

Soon the baby won't be needing quite as much milk and won't be feeding as regularly so if you can persevere with it then in a couple of weeks you'll notice a big difference.

Sorry you are having a difficult time.

I have a 10 week old and breastfeeding was awful until a couple of weeks ago - ds was overly fussy and cluster fed - he was found to have a tongue tie which wasn't divided until recently which didn't help.

I have mixed fed him from around 3 weeks old and it works well for us. He only has one or two formula bottles a day but it really helps. It means I can leave him with my mum for 2-3 hours and my husband and I can go out for a meal or just sit and have a bit of space.

However if you want to stop then stop and don't feel guilty. I only managed to breastfeed my DD until she was about 6 weeks old as I had health problems after her birth and she now is a fit and healthy toddler. I wouldn't say it was much easier though - all the sterilising and waiting for the formula to warm up/cool down but she did seem to go longer between feeds which might give you a bit of a break as well as being able to leave her with family for a little while.

They always say not to give up on a bad day. If in the morning you still want to stop then go for it.

6 weeks is hard but it gets easier as they get older. In those hard moments I'd imagine making up formula with the crying baby and thinking whether that would be any easier.

On your day today, if you bottle fed it would still be you doing it all so no real break

Do not feel guilty, it does not help you be a good mother.

It doesn't have to be all or nothing. Try a bottle à day and see how it goes.

you've done the hardest part! ❤ I found it hardest until around week 7 and then it got easier fairly quickly. up until then I literally just sat and watched TV all day while he slept and fed on me. i also learned to feed lying down which was brilliant. then my baby got faster at feeding and fed less often from about 8-10 weeks onwards. from around 6 months he only had 2 feeds a day and fed overnight too. and from around 8 weeks I left him with my husband to go cycling. he took a bottle of expressed milk for a bit but refused it from maybe 5 or 6 months, then he just waited till I got home. if you want to go out id just feed before you go, leave a bottle of formula/expressed milk, and go out for a bit. its hard, and formula doesn't necessarily make it easier. it would probably make it harder since your husband is out so much. mine was too and I'm glad I didn't have all the formula prep/washing to do.

This is the hard point. He’s putting in his demand so that your supply increases.

Have you downloaded the wonder weeks app? If not, do it, it’ll really help you feel more in control and see light at the end of the tunnel.

Also, has baby been checked for tongue tie? If he’s over tired and fussing then I’d recommend getting him in the pushchair and waking fast while also jiggling the pushchair as you go. Sometimes they just need to sleep and pace plus side jiggles is the only thing that gets them off.

Thanks all, I have had a couple of hours sleep whilst DH sorted him out.

I have a hand pump and Will look at expressing for one feed a day to give me a chance for a break/ a chance to leave him with DH for a while.

Think today has been a very hard day.

Maybe I’m trying to do too much instead of chilling when baby is actually asleep I put a washing load on / prep for tea etc