I just need a rant really.
My son has adhd and is exhausting in himself. They're have been several incidents at school lately and we're in the middle of trying to get an EHCP which is an upsetting and frustrating process.
I'm a line parent. I wfh full time, but it's a temp job so I could lose it next week and have none of the benefits or security of permanent work. I'm trying to complete a professional qualification that's masters level. I started it when I was unemployed during the pandemic and that was hard enough, but alongside the FT job my brain is fried.
Co-parebting is extensive due to the SEN and all has to be done through my gritted teeth to keep things amicable while he retcons history to try and make himself feel better about cheating and leaving.
One of my closest friendships is potentially on the verge of imploding due to my son's behaviour and if that happens I don't know how I'll cope.
I'm so tired and some days i just feel like I'm carrying such a heavy weight. I'm worried all the time about my son's future. Even if only in a tiny background part of my brain it just never turns off. I live him so much but he's exhausting. I'm worried my daughter gets less of me because of him. I worry he still feels less loved because I did used to treat them unfairly, though I'm relatively confident I've redressed the balance now.
I'm second guessing and blaming myself a lot. I'm angry at life, my ex, my friend, myself. I feel like I should be coping better. Doing better. I feel like a failure in so many ways.
I'm just so tired.