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Original poster

Struggling very much 😪

23 replies

ghostmouse · 13/07/2021 23:18

Lost my husband 5 days ago.

I cant deal with my feelings

My house is a tip, there's out of date food in my fridge. I need shopping, paper work everywhere, kids ordered themselves a dominoes (eldest is 18 so she looked after the younger ones) for tea

I'm feeling pretty shit. It's our yearly anniversary tomorrow and we would have been married 2 weeks tomorrow too.

I'm a mess and I miss him so much

OP posts:

MajesticWhine · 13/07/2021 23:22

I am so so sorry.
Don't worry about the house being a tip. You can sort it out when you feel a bit stronger. Dominoes sounds like an excellent choice.
It is very early days, and it is understandable that your feelings are overwhelming right now. Accept any offers of help or support in real life.

Illstartexercisingtomorrow · 13/07/2021 23:28

I’m so sorry

It’s ok to be a mess right now.

As and when you can try the one job a day thread - basically set yourself a basic task that you will complete, eg folding the towels properly in the airing cupboard.

Slowly you will come out of this but it will take time and it will keep hitting you when you don’t expect it.

Be kind to yourself. Hugs

Oldtiredfedup · 15/07/2021 16:29

It’s ok to be a mess right now. It’s ok to lean on people. You have been through (and will be going through) such a sudden change. Lots to process, and that can only happen with time, on your own time.

Grief isn’t linear, it’s more cyclical it would seem. Do not be hard on yourself if one day you’re doing better and the next you are not.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Relationship problems

TokyoSushi · 15/07/2021 16:31

Oh @ghostmouse I'm so sorry, the whole thing is just so awful. Sending lots of love, keep talking to us, we're here.

Blankscreen · 15/07/2021 16:33

Please don't beat yourself up over the house being a mess or the children having dominoes.

Can you ask a friend to sort some shopping for you easy ready meal stuff that they can just put in the fridge for you. I'm sure they would love to help out.

I'm very sorry for your loss

spiderlight · 15/07/2021 16:34

Oh @ghostmouse - I am so sorry. I followed your other threads and my heart is breaking for you. These first few days and weeks will be a bit of a haze and nobody will expect a tidy house and perfect meals. Just go easy on yourself. Do you have anyone around who can help, other than your eldest?

DareIask · 15/07/2021 16:36

I've been wondering how you are.

I can only echo the others... nothing matters more than just getting through the days. Take any help offered.

Heartbreaking xx

zippityzip · 15/07/2021 16:45

@ghostmouse If you're getting through each day, then it's a success.
Nothing else matters.

You're incredible and strong and it's literally hour by hour right now.

Feel what you feel, you're allowed to, and don't apologise for it.

idiotmum · 15/07/2021 19:43

A minute at a time is all you can take at at the moment. You will come out of this fog, I promise you, and until then surviving is good enough. Sending love

Namechange58 · 15/07/2021 20:37

Oh gosh I remember your other threads too. Keep talking to us, venting. One hour at a time. We are with you.

Frazzle76 · 15/07/2021 20:42

Sending lots of love.
Don't worry about the house.
Kids have sorted themselves. Consider (without pressure) doing an online shop in the wee small hours when you can't sleep. Or go outside with coffee and watch the sunrise and cry a bit, or just stare and feel empty. That's OK too. Plenty of us been there and Sending you love. Xx

Evenstar · 15/07/2021 20:44

My mum came to stay for a few weeks after my DH died, do you have anyone who could be with you?

Original poster

ghostmouse · 16/07/2021 16:19

Not really tbh.

My ds 22 has been checking in with me. He's one of these who finds the joy in everything even the dark stuff and has made me laugh sometimes.

It's been a week now and I feel so lost.

I have done an online shop so I do have cupboards full now.

I've rang macmillan every day and cried and cried.

I cant look at photos it hurts too much. His brother keeps sending me pictures of him when he was younger and before my time and it hurts me..keeps trying to reminisce and I can't cope with it. My sis in law feels the same and wants to tell him to stop.

OP posts:

dancingbroccoli · 16/07/2021 16:23

I'm so sorry for your loss, it must be absolutely heart breaking. It's all still so fresh and will be difficult to deal with. I wouldn't say it gets better with time but more manageable and you can start looking back at memories of each other with a smile. Well done for sorting some food out, that's already a step better than a few days ago. Take one day at a time. Sending love to you and your family

Evenstar · 16/07/2021 16:28

It’s OK to say to BIL that the photos are too much for you at the moment, Perhaps he could make them into an album for later. I found photos of DH as a child hard to bear as it was almost like a shadow lay over him and I knew and he didn’t. Thinking of you 💐

Poochnewbie1 · 16/07/2021 16:28

Sending you lots of love. Do what ever you need to do to cope and get through until you feel stronger. Rely on others wherever possible and if you feel that you can, tell people what you need from them in terms of emotional support and what is and is not helpful. I’m so sorry for your loss

Original poster

ghostmouse · 16/07/2021 16:49

Evenstar that's it.
Also for he I was only with dh for 3 years and to see those photos its a reminder that all those people got to spend longer with him than I did and I'm irrationally angry about that

OP posts:

Evenstar · 17/07/2021 18:15

Hope you are doing OK today, don’t worry about feeling angry I think it is really important to let yourself go with any feelings that come.

Anger is a difficult one to deal with, I think as women we are taught to internalise feelings and not to upset other people so anger can be hard to express. If you don’t have anyone you can talk to about it try and take a bit of time and say out loud how you feel or write it down.

frustratedwiththepandemic · 17/07/2021 20:09

So very sorry for your loss

zippityzip · 19/07/2021 13:30

@ghostmouse

Evenstar that's it. Also for he I was only with dh for 3 years and to see those photos its a reminder that all those people got to spend longer with him than I did and I'm irrationally angry about that

I don't think that's irrational at all. I think it highlights even more the complete unfairness of it all.

Don't be afraid to say what you think. Sending you some strength.

Thoughtcontagion · 19/07/2021 13:35

So sorry for your loss .

Sending you love and strength

Original poster

ghostmouse · 19/07/2021 18:39

Thank you. I love mumsnet at times like this..its a comfort

OP posts:

stuckinarut21 · 24/12/2021 00:26

@ghostmouse thinking of you OP x

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