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Original poster

Did anyone else feel utter panic at turning 30 single?

23 replies

PatternedPaperStraws · 13/07/2021 18:07

I don't know if it's a little bit of adrenaline wearing off after the last year, or if I really am just being hysterical [grin} but I turn 30 in November and I feel so completed horrified it.

I've never had a relationship and normally I'm okay with that, but recently I've been crying nearly every day about it! I am so fed up of OLD and clubs and banal small talk with strangers.

My friends are all settled down, which isn't helping at all. I don't really have anyone to socialise with any more, and I'm comparing themselves to them too.

Did anything help?

I'm a teacher so I can't even book the day off.

OP posts:

PearlNextDoor · 13/07/2021 18:10

Take a break from OLD
Im 51 and did OLD in my 40s and it made me so unhappy. Being single wasnt what made me unhappy.

Toottootdrivers · 13/07/2021 18:11

Yes and then I met my future DH literally a month later. You never know when the right person will come along. 30 is just a number and is still very young.

Original poster

PatternedPaperStraws · 13/07/2021 18:12

I'm not in the right place for OLD, but I also know that realistically, it's my only way of meeting someone.

OP posts:

TheLovleyChebbyMcGee · 13/07/2021 18:13

I didn't meet DH till I was 34, I'm now 40 with an almost 3 DS and another on the way, you are definitely not too old at age 30!

Original poster

PatternedPaperStraws · 13/07/2021 18:14

I'm not necessarily wanting THE ONE but I feel so sad that I've missed out on relationships. My most successful run at dates was 4 in a row.

OP posts:

BlueForgetMeNot · 16/07/2021 22:47

Hi OP, just wanted to say, I felt the same way when I was turning 30.
After turning 30 I was in a long term relationship, and it turned really nasty (he was an horrible, abusive man), needless to say I'm not with him anymore. I'm now 35, single, but most importantly I am happy. It's taken me a long time to feel like this, I would love to meet someone, but over OLD, so hopefully one day I will meet someone. But just want to say, I have been there and you will be ok. You've got this xx

BlueForgetMeNot · 16/07/2021 22:48

That was meant to say, I'm over the OLD scene. Not meeting someone OLD!

Scarby9 · 16/07/2021 22:50

Yes. I hated turning 30. Hated it. Hated it.
I was not where I had expected to be in my life.
Oddly, 40 and 50 were okay.

TheFoundations · 16/07/2021 22:56

It helps to remember that the couples aren't all having a fabulous time either. It's not like 'coupled-up' means 'successful'. Probably half the people you're comparing yourself to negatively would give an arm for the time and space you have in your life.

Also, google single celebrities. If it's good enough for someone as classy as Kristen Scott Thomas, it's probably good enough for you, right?

Find friends, not a partner. Find stuff to do on your own that fires you up. Single life isn't a tragedy: It's brilliant, and being happy single will stand you in very good stead when you do meet someone.

Spinningaround21 · 16/07/2021 23:04

I really didn’t want to be single for my thirtieth. I hadn’t had much luck with men,no long term relationships really, however I was still having a ball with friends and enjoying life. I echo PP to enjoy life, see friends/family, do things you like/love take a break from dating. You have loads of time.

I ended up meeting my now partner two years later. We’ve been together for ten years so it was worth it in the end. I’m very happy with my lot now even if back then I thought I’d never have anyone.

SoddingWeddings · 16/07/2021 23:05

Fuck yes, I had a massive wobble at 30 because I was single, childless, fat and in a career that was exhausting me (police). My mates were dreading my 40th but I'm now married, childless, fat and in a career In loving with proper work/life balance so I was fine!

Totally understand it.

SarahAndQuack · 16/07/2021 23:25

Not at all! I felt so free.

I asked my ex-H for a divorce a couple of months before I turned 30. My 30th birthday was wonderful - I felt so hopeful and excited about life.

x2boys · 16/07/2021 23:52

Yes I hated turning 30 I had spent all of my 20,s single, bar flings and short term relationship, s,, 30 can feel like a, turning point but with hindsight it's still very young, I met my dh, three months after turning 31,.

Auntienumber8 · 17/07/2021 01:15

I did not care and at that point had been single for over a year after a difficult break up with my sixth form sweetheart.

NotanotherboxofFrogs · 17/07/2021 02:28

I hated the idea of turning 21, 18 was no problem. I feel the milestone birthday get built up in our heads by society.

But 21 was a total stumbling block so much that the day before I turned 21 I was sectioned as was a threat to myself as 21 was overwhelmingly life changing in my mind. Spoiler, it was just another day and my cake was shared among the rest of the patients. My meds were adjusted and things felt better in the world and was discharged after 8.5 weeks

About a week before my 30th the bad thoughts/ feelings were coming to the fore again so I was admitted as a precaution so had another birthday cake for sharing.

My 40th, my life was an absolute crapstorm but I was just glad to try getting through it hour by hour and things have improved.

Im 46 next month and planning a social gathering in the garden (obviously depending on any restrictions etc) and looking forward to celebrating of possible.

I've given up years ago on comparing my life to friends as under the surface I know that they are secretly drowning as well but we are all trying to look like we "got this". We don't.

I didn't date at all in my 20s and have never tried OLD, I wasn't interested but met my partner as things in my life was trying to get it together and had absolutely no interest in meeting anyone. Things happen when you least expect it.

DateLoaf · 17/07/2021 03:13

I've given up years ago on comparing my life to friends as under the surface I know that they are secretly drowning as well but we are all trying to look like we "got this". We don't.

This x1000.
Build yourself up emotionally, including getting some therapy or counselling if you feel you might need it, there’s great advice on here but you can bet that making the most of this time to know and care for yourself really well is something you’ll never regret, whatever the future holds for you. 30 is very young, you’ll be grand.

HuaShan · 17/07/2021 08:07

So sorry you feel like this. Just to give you some hope - just after my 30th birthday I was jilted almost at the alter (2 weeks before a very large wedding). I thought I would never get over it. But I did, had a good time in my early 30's concentrating on career, travel, friends and hobbies then met dh age 35, married at 38, had ds at 39.
I'm turning 60 next year (and having a bit of a wobble already about how that will feel!)
PP upthread has it absolutely right - try not to compare your life with anyone else's and things will happen when you least expect.

jasmineblossoms · 17/07/2021 08:09

Not so much 30.

33 was when I started to worry. By 39 I’d given up. A few weeks later I met DP

mayblossominapril · 17/07/2021 08:16

Yes I did. I made sure I was busy and found ways to socialise so I was busy. Now I have no time for socialising as I’m 40 with two kids.

aliceband1 · 01/05/2022 19:18

How are you getting on OP? Turning 30 soon and exact same boat.

Antsinmypantsneedtodance · 01/05/2022 19:42

This was me 7 yesrs ago.

Single. Never thought I'd settle down.

I dabbled in OLD but in the end realised I had nothing to really talk about and didn't really know how to enjoy just being myself. So I joined a club. Got into exercise and related hobbies. Made friends. Did crazy things (like 24 hour relay races and camping eurgh), travelled a bit. By doing that and focusing on me I actually realised it was fun being single. I could do what i wanted at a drop of a hat. No questions to answer.

I ended up reactivating my OLD profiles and updating them with a more confident me. I met my now DH just before I turned 30 and 7 years later we're married with a house and a child.

The cliche saying of you have to love yourself before others can love you is actually kind of true i found. I found myself and then felt able to open myself to others and didn't really care if it turned into anything as I was having fun solo. On our first date i actually remember telling him how fun it was being single. Now I wonder what he ever saw in me when I said stuff like that. But he said he found it refreshing to have a date with someone who wasn't desperate for anything serious and had a life outside dating.

Jet888 · 01/05/2022 19:51

Felt the same on turning 30. Remember having a little cry that Christmas about it! Went on lots of 'meh' dates through OLD, fed up by it. Then my now husband messaged me on it and we've been married 6 years with 2 kids. Keep focused on your life and filling it with fun exciting things like travel etc. Do things now that could be harder to do if you had kids like chopping and changing careers. For example, I retrained in a job that required me to move back home for a year on little money when I was single. Be open to different people and new experiences. Don't think you're old because you're not. And if you're going to do OLD go for a site you have to pay for to sift out some of the time wasters! Enjoy your life x

Passmeaplacard · 01/05/2022 19:56

It if helps I cried on my 30th birthday as I spent it in a lovely hotel with my then husband and have never felt more lonely as I didn’t love him anymore. I left him 2 months later.
it doesn’t feel like it at the time but you do still have plenty of time to meet someone.

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