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Finding it so hard to be intimate now I'm a mum!

10 replies

ChickenPasta · 13/07/2021 16:24

Does anyone have any advice?

Since becoming a mum five years ago I find it so difficult being sexual with my husband because it constantly feels like I'm doing something a bit... sordid? I'm someone's mum now! And finding it hugely difficult to be both caregiver and flirty lover!

Dh and I used to have a brilliant sexual relationship but it's like motherhood changed something in me. Ds has complex needs so there is a lot of 1 to 1 care and is not off playing as my friend's 5 year olds are. So to suddenly go from full on caregiver to the old, sultry me seems impossible!

Dh is wonderful and never pushes the issue of sex or asks me to be sexy but... I miss that side of me! We rarely do it now and I feel like I lost that girl a long time ago. I miss her but just don't know how to switch off and it seems 'wrong' to do so now.

It's such a mess of feelings in my head! Any advice?

OP posts:
Howcanthisbe123 · 13/07/2021 16:32

Yes, you might be a mum, but your also you. It’s amazing how many women forget that, myself included to start with.

Best advice is to be more selfish and put your wants at the top too, once you start doing more things you love and pampering yourself the rest will just naturally flow (in my case anyway- I became like a horny teenager and felt like I actually had a life too for the first time in ages)

BastardMonkfish · 13/07/2021 16:34

@Howcanthisbe123 is exactly right. Time to start getting yourself back. Any hobbies you've ever fancied starting go and start them and get some time to yourself. You can't just be mum 24/7 you have to be you, it's best for all of you, it really benefits your kids to see you're a person too. The rest will start to follow after that.

30degreesandmeltinghere · 13/07/2021 16:52

Ime keeping your bedroom a dc - free zone is helpful!! No toys /no actual dc either!! My dc know to knock and aren't allowed in unless specifically asked to go get something -
Keep it tidy and inviting!!

VeganVeal · 13/07/2021 17:25

Keep it tidy and inviting

Yes this

VeganVeal · 13/07/2021 17:25

Sorry , just saw you meant the bedroom

Seesawmummadaw · 13/07/2021 17:26

@VeganVeal

Sorry , just saw you meant the bedroom
Grin
FreeSpirits · 13/07/2021 17:39

@VeganVeal

Sorry , just saw you meant the bedroom
🤣🤣
Howcanthisbe123 · 13/07/2021 18:03

😂😂

MKCH · 13/07/2021 18:04

@VeganVeal

Sorry , just saw you meant the bedroom
Hahahaha 😂😂
TheNameTheWebsiteForgot · 13/07/2021 18:33

Hahahahaha !!

Brilliant.

OP, sometimes you have to use it or lose it. It's really easy to lose your sex drive when you aren't having sex.

Make sure you are also doing other things other than being mum.

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