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Original poster

DD being left out at school

15 replies

ForgedInFire · 13/07/2021 10:38

I have a DD6 just finishing year 1. When she was in reception she would tell me that she often didn't have anyone to play with and would wander round the playground on her own which I brought up with the school several times, they started her on sessions with a play therapist to build her confidence and of course school was interrupted a lot over the last year but it really seemed to help. As she went in to y1 she had 2 or 3 friends that she was playing with regularly. All of these friends are boys. Now this seems to have dwindled again and there is only one child she is regularly playing with and he may not be returning for y2. A couple of months ago there was an issue with one of the girls being unkind to her which the school dealt with really quickly. This morning my little girl was telling me how she is always asking the other children if they will play with her but they won't let her, especially the other girls. It is a really small single form infant school so there isn't a lot of kids. I'm just heartbroken for her. She is a really kind, sweet girl, maybe a little shy but not overly so. I just don't know how to help her. I hated school because I never had any friends to play with and I was then bullied quite badly at primary school and I'm terrified that the same is going to happen to my little girl. If anybody had any advice on how I can boost her confidence up or anything else I can do I would really appreciate it. I just want her to have a happy time at school.

OP posts:

Thisisthewaywego · 13/07/2021 11:24

Hopefully someone will come along soon who has been in this situation to give you some advice, but I also have a child in Year 1 so I do feel for your situation.

I’d speak to the school again because they should have noticed your DD is alone at playtime, and I’d make a special effort to also do activities outside of school so that she can build friendships away from there. My DS does Beavers, swimming lessons, martial arts and Street Dance and I have really seen his confidence grow and develop.

If it’s an ongoing issue could you consider moving her to a school with at least a 2-form entry? Issues like this is why I’d never consider a 1-form entry as a friend of mine is having to move her Year 2 DD for similar friendship issues.

workshy44 · 13/07/2021 11:29

Tell her not to ask to play , just say I’m playing. If you ask the answer is always no but if you just join in more often than not she will be included. I would also get back onto the school to make sure they keep a close eye on it. Play dates, arrange tons of them.

Lollypop701 · 13/07/2021 11:36

Girls can be horrible in this situation. Is there one girl who will play? If so invite her round for play dates. after a few of those ask another girl etc until you have all of that friendship group involved. Good luck

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TeenMinusTests · 13/07/2021 11:36

I'd check with the school.
Some children aren't reliable and are actually playing most of the time with others.
Other children say 'no one will play with me' when they mean 'the other children won't play the game I want them to' which is a different thing.
If she is being left out then the school should do something.

Weebleweeble · 13/07/2021 11:40

It's getting towards the end of term - I found there were more fall outs and things at this time of the school year.

seepingweeping · 13/07/2021 11:42

This happened to my son at his previous school. He would sit on a bench and smile at the kids hoping they'd changed their minds about not playing with him.

I told him to go join in. I also told the school they needed to do more as play date invites wernt being accepted.

They put him in small groups in school and things improved a little. We moved his school in the end.

Original poster

ForgedInFire · 13/07/2021 12:03

Thanks for all the advice. I'm reluctant to do playdates because right now we are living in, frankly, quite a crappy little flat whilst the school is in a very expensive village of massive houses. But maybe I could talk to one of the mums about meeting at the park or softplay. I've also messaged the teacher to ask to meet and discuss. I really hope it doesn't come to changing schools but I will if I feel things aren't improving

OP posts:

Sleepingdogs12 · 13/07/2021 12:06

I would consider moving to a larger school. I always thought I'd love a small school for mine but actually found in a bigger school there is a big advantage to having more children to get to know and a clic of children don 't have such an impact , you could also try after school clubs and see if she can make friends this way hopefully with someone who goes to her school too. Otherwise the school need to address this .

Wimpeyspread · 13/07/2021 12:10

My daughter had this - small village school, few girls in her class, all in a clique. We moved her to a bigger school in the end, and she flourished

Sally872 · 13/07/2021 12:12

Get her into a club outside of school, dance, football, anything she might have an interest in and then she can make friends there. If you have friends outside of school life is much easier.

Also speaking to the school should help. At that age they are very keen to please the teacher so chat about kindness and including everyone to the class may resolve it.

ThePlantsitter · 13/07/2021 12:17

This is really hard but you have to separate your childhood difficulties from hers. She is not you and it's not necessarily going to result in bullying as it did for you - partly because she's got you on her side!trdsws2

Yes to playdates in the park and get involved in school life (PTA etc) as much as you're able to, speaking to the teacher is good and extra curriculars too.

ChocolateRiver · 13/07/2021 12:29

My ds is in year 3 and going though something similar, although there was some bullying involved too. I would say definitely talk to school again. The school need to be doing more to encourage kindness. The children need to be spoken to about being kind and encouraged to think of others. They should also be monitoring playtimes more closely. For example at ds school the people on duty have started to organise and monitor games which everybody can join in with to stop this sort of thing.

Original poster

ForgedInFire · 13/07/2021 12:31

I've got a meeting with the teacher this afternoon so hopefully that will give me some insight. She does do dance which she loves and we have been on the waiting list for Rainbows for a long time. She used to do gymnastics but she got injured once and became terrified so we had to give it up.

You're right ThePlantsitter I do need to separate it, I thought I was over it but hearing her talk so sadly about school has really made it all come rushing back. I definitely won't let it get as bad as what I experienced

OP posts:

qazxc · 13/07/2021 12:42

DD has had issues with finding playmates too.
Have a chat to her teacher about it, I emailed DD's teacher and she "paired" her with a child the year above at playtimes which worked well as it broke the ice.

starrynight87 · 13/07/2021 12:44

Asking the teacher is a good thing to do.

I worked in a school and sometimes a bit of push is needed. We had a class where all the boys were football mad and one boy wasn't so he made up his own games - no-one was bullying him or leaving him out, they just didn't want to play each others games.

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