Whether this is just a side effect of general motherhood I don’t know.
I have a great life in perspective, I am grateful for my situation right now. I have a full time job (which I sometimes enjoy, sometimes it’s tedious) a steady income. I work from home part time and in the office part time, which after a year at home has given me a bit more balance socially, financially and my energy is much better from my day to day life being a bit more relaxed. My partner is a wonderful man. I feel loved and listened to. We have our kids (one each) most of the week but we have a few nights off and every other weekend without them (as much as I’d love to have them full time!!) but we are also aware that we are fortunate to have so much adult time as well I know it’s rare for people with kids to have every other weekend off from parenting duties. With this time, we often get out of the house and escape and go on adventures or do something a little mad to feel carefree and it’s a great way to spend life enjoying the free time away from work. Financially we aren’t well off but we do have the spare cash occasionally to treat ourselves. Our bills are always paid however there is always something to worry about like garage bills or something else, but we get through them. I know to be grateful for this as I have been in financial trouble before and we are lucky to plod on and have quite some savings behind us.
I spent the most of my childhood, teens and most of my 20’s ill with mental health issues, addiction and other dramas which I have come a very long way from and feel like I have broken free from those chains. I am medication free and have been for 4 years now. I am blessed to be where I am now. I was very unhappy back then but mostly view life in a completely different way now.
In theory, I should feel happy right?
I have spent a large chunk of the year feeling incredibly lonely. I was quite depressed at the beginning of the year until about April time but picked up. My partner works extra nights for house savings the first half of the week, again I’m grateful that he can in his line of work bring extra income in, and I have my DD the first few nights per week so we get that one on one time. But I feel like I’m trapped and I don’t know why. I’m constantly picking up after the family and feel like the house is a battle at times to sort with a full time job. My partner is always on his feet as well as me when he is home (again, terribly grateful!) but as I’m in this house the majority of the time I’m constantly cleaning, sorting out life stuff, cooking. Rinse, repeat. When my DD goes to bed the house is quiet and I’m left with myself after I have cleaned up with the same routine. The every other weekend adventures we have are escapism, I know they are, and we are lucky to have them but it never feels like it’s enough time.
I don’t know if it’s just covid and it’s taken it’s toll? Please tell me I’m not the only one who feels this it’s driving me batty