Benefit of ASD diagnosis for 13yo Dd?

[NautaOcts]

Just wondered if anyone had any words of advice.
I suspect 13 yo dd maybe be on the autistic spectrum. Thing is at the moment it isn’t causing any real functional difficulties. Academically she’s not struggling - the opposite really, and her behaviour at school is very good. She does struggle with anxiety, has been depressed in the past and expressed some suicidal thoughts and done mild self harm but this is currently much better. Socially she can struggle but has a small group of friends at school which can be up and down but seems ok at the moment. She’s basically doing ok although the anxiety and sleep issues are always there, at the moment it doesn’t seem to stop her doing things she wants to do.

We had some psychology input around low mood and anxiety which ended prematurely as dd didn’t really engage. It was over zoom and having been really wanting to talk to someone by the time it came round she didn’t feel like raking over it as was feeling slightly better, and made up her mind that nothing the psychologist could suggest was going to stop her feeling anxious or overthinking.
I had a session with the psychologist and mentioned I’d been reading about girls with autism and it rang a few bells. She agreed and said it had occurred to her. She wasn’t sure dd would meet the diagnostic criteria but felt It was a distinct possibility.

I hadn’t intended doing anything about it and was unsure whether to broach it with dd.
But today she told me (in an unshaded way) that a boy jn her class had asked her if she was autistic because she is so good at art.
We talked about it a bit and how it can present in girls. I asked her if she though she might be? Initially she said no and then we talked about girl I’d heard on radio 4 talking about her experience. I said if dd wanted to get an assessment we could. She’s quite keen.

I’m just wondering whether it’s wise to pursue it? Having told dd it’s nothing to be ashamed of, in some ways is a bit of a ‘superpower’ and just means brain is wired a bit differently - I know there are people out there who still have an outdated inaccurate stereotypical view of it.

Any thoughts or experience welcome.

We were referred to Camhs re low mood and the self harm etc but when it came to the appointment she refused to engage with it as didn’t want to miss school/her friends to ask where she’d been/talk about things again.
We do have insurance so could pursue a private diagnosis.

That should say, she told me ‘in an unphased way’

My friend wishes she’d had her dd dx at this age. At 22 her dd is really struggling in terms of anxiety and feels quite different. She has recently approached her dm to say she thinks she has HFA.

Thinking of having dd aged 10 dx and want to help her understand herself really.

My dd also loves drawing and music

My dd was finally diagnosed during the beginning of the first lockdown. We started the process when she was 12-13 and it took nearly 4 years to go through the process.

I think it’s very important for her to understand why she thinks and reacts in certain ways. I saw it as a route to self knowledge and understanding so that she could develop methods of coping as she goes through life. If you were gluten intolerant you would want to know surely? I see it as no different with autism. Rather than think they are crazy or broken having a dx helps my dd to understand herself.

Mental health crisis is a very common presentation in undiagnosed autistic teenage girls. Their increasingly nuanced social world and sense of just not fitting in fuels anxiety, depression and poor self esteem.
The purpose of diagnosis, as always really, is to inform identity and enhance sense of self, help your DD make sense of how she feels and give her insight and strategies to deal with the challenges she's facing.
If you have private healthcare ask locally for a referral to a psychiatrist or clinical psychologist. If she is autistic, private insurance might stretch to parenting awareness building ( NAS Teenlife course is good) and recommended support for your DD (CBT much maligned on Mumsnet, can be very effective for autistic clients)

Don’t ever refer to autism as a superpower ever again, that is hugely damaging.

Living under societal norms for a person with autism, even an academic, “high functioning” one, can be sheer Hell on Earth.

Yeah autism isn’t a super power for my ds.

It’s a fucking misery!

DD got her dx at 15 and it's made all the difference to her to know why. Obviously she still has the anxiety and social communication issues but she knows what's causing it. It's autism's fault, not hers. And the label has helped school, because they were floundering a bit in understanding why her performance and enthusiasm had dropped through the floor.

I think we have to allow all people dx with asd their own views on whether their autism is their superpower. Some clearly feel it is (hence the book written by someone with asd) and some don’t. In the end we should respect everyone’s different views on that and not try to impose any one view on others.

You will be doing her a great disservice not to have her assessed. Speak to any adult who had been diagnosed later in their life and they will tell you how they wish they had known. I am very fortunate not to have had serious mental health issues over the years but I know a lot of women who have been misdiagnosed, wrongly medicated and struggled their way through each day who have now been diagnosed. The understanding of oneself cannot be underestimated.

I don't understand why any parent would withhold a medical assessment from their child. I feel really strongly that it should fall into the neglect category. The damage, hurt and trauma that can occur because of not being correctly diagnosed is massive.

It's not just about who she needs right now, it's what she needs forever - if she is autistic she absolutely needs to know this.

Thank you for all the input, really appreciate the different perspectives.
Yes totally see the point as to why wouldn’t we pursue assessment.
I suppose my only reservation is what if we go through that and she kind of gets on board with it, and then the conclusion of the assessment is that she isn’t?
But as I type that I realise that’s a stupid reason not to.

Secondly any recommendations for where to try and get a private diagnosis through the insurance? Lorna Wing Centre maybe? We’re not on the doorstep but journey is doable

And reading back my Op - when I said I didn’t intend to do anything about it, I meant I was getting my head round it and wasn’t sure I would pursue it unless there were issues again in future eg with the anxiety or the very low mood returning, or if she started struggling more at school.

This is slightly different but I was diagnosed with ADHD aged 42.
So much of my life in the past now makes sense. But I very much wish I had been diagnosed earlier.
A diagnosis doesn’t change who you are. But it can explain many things, give access to help. Or even just for the person diagnosed to be kinder to themselves and able to explain why they do what they do or feel how they feel.

@NautaOcts

And reading back my Op - when I said I didn’t intend to do anything about it, I meant I was getting my head round it and wasn’t sure I would pursue it unless there were issues again in future eg with the anxiety or the very low mood returning, or if she started struggling more at school.

I understand what you mean, it's common for parents to think this is something they can choose. The problem is the choice is always based on 'help they need now' Vs 'the label' or various similar versions. Ultimately not having an autism assessment won't change the facts - if a child is autistic they are autistic and will grow into an autistic adult. Being undiagnosed won't benefit the person. Having a diagnosis will.

Hmm health insurance company (through my husband’s work) who paid for psychology input for my dd re anxiety, have said they don’t normally fund ASD assessment as ‘behavioural conditions’ are excluded from the policy…
But the psychologist could write report to them outlining next steps and why an asd assessment is recommended and they might consider it…
But they won’t pay her for writing the report….

Not sounding like they will contribute is it.
So I guess the options are going via Camhs or paying ourselves?