I am really bloody fed up if my eldest son who is 19. He is not following house rules, and has really let me down in a big way today. He agreed to help me this week as middle DS in isolation, and younger DS needs to go too and from school. On my non work days I have asked him to be home from 8.45am-9am and 3.10pm-3.25pm. I have reminded him, and he was here this morning and had middle DS for 15 mins.
At 3.10 I went upstairs to let him know I was leaving. He wasn't there. He has gone out. He hasn't answered his phone or messages since.
He has form for ignoring me when he has been asked to do something but doesn't want to. He creeps out and then claims he forgot when he returns. Ignores questions as to why he didn't answer his phone or messages. He often stays away for a day or two so that he thinks he won't have to face what I have to say to him.
What would you say to him? I am fed up with his general selfishness already (eating others food, making a noise waking us up on coming in, leaving a big pile of dishes next to the sink, flicking hair dye all over the bathroom and ruining the new floor etc etc). I genuinely think he doesn't care about anything but pleasing his mates.
This week he has broken the house rule of not having people to stay over. He has snuck a girl in, and I found her there one morning. He has done this twice before. Nothing I say seems to get through to him. I have 2 young kids in the house and do not want random people here who I have no idea of their trustworthiness. He has made various excuses as to why they are here, but it is all BS. He is at college, and has a well paid part time job. So his family are surplus to requirements I guess. I feel like this is just his hotel. The easy option is to say just throw him out, let him fend for himself. But it is really important that he doesn't fuck up this next year at college. His first 2 years were wasted, one his fault, the other the fault of college. So now he is half way through a 2 year engineering course that will get him to uni. If I throw him out, he will quit college, and do his job FT. Whilst that pays well now, it has no progression and will leave him in NMW work all his life. I don't want to fuck up his future because he is being a selfish bellend at 19. I'm sure he will realise what a twat he has been in 10 years time. But how do we get through this bit now? These are the years that there seem to be no guidance out there on how to navigate them?!