Mesher order.. sell house early?

[Gotupandgone]

Hi , I didn’t put this in legal or divorce as I’m not really after legal advice.
I got divorced a few years ago and I admit I was terribly bitter, there was another woman who he’s still with. I naively believed the house would be signed over to me as we have a son and solicitors were promising me the world. when we went to court I learned the truth! It was my own fault but I walked away with a mesher order and 60% of the house when it’s sold. I thought I was getting a half decent deal when I agreed this but as time has gone on and I’ve calmed down I’ve been left to maintain a grotty house that needs a lot of work which im reluctant to pay for. Im responsible for all maintenance and upkeep, which I don’t agree with but I noticed it was in the court order a few months later. Again my fault for not reading it properly. I was bitter and wanting to get at my ex the last thing I wanted was for him to walk away with a big wad of cash and walk into the sunset with the other woman. Now I wish I’d taken the money and ran. The boiler kitchen or bathroom won’t last another 5 years let alone until my son finishes education, the carpets need replacing and some of the furniture is about 20 years old.

Sorry for the rant I feel like I’ve got myself into a hole and don’t know how to get out. I’m an older Mum so I don’t have mortgage capacity and I work part time when son is at school. I’ve never had a mortgage it was always and still is on husbands name but I’m paying all the bills which I can barely afford. I feel better getting everything out, I wanted to know if anyone was in a similar situation and did you find selling the house early a better option even if you went into rented accommodation.

My sympathies getupandgone I am in a similar situation having been divorced for over 10 years - because of the imbalance when we separated I have 80% of the value of my home and my ex retains 20%. Our mortgage was paid off but I have paid for the updating and maintenance since then myself including a new boiler. To complicate matters I am in a flat that has cladding issues and there is no way I can afford to pay those upcoming heavy bills.

There are moments when I wish we'd not got a meshing order as it means when I die, remarry (never!) or want to sell, my ex gets 20% wich I wanted him to leave our two kids (just as I am doing with my 80%) instead of giving it to the man he ended up marrying.

@sunshinesupermum thanks for the reply. I know he will spend the money on her and their new house but I’m just at the point where I know I need to get on with my life and forget what they’re doing and not care. My part of the money would have to help with rent and bills but this house has become a weight on my shoulders and since finding out I would have to sell one day just doesn’t feel like home anymore

Think very carefully before giving up home ownership to go into private rental. It can be a precarious and uncertain existence.

Have you maximised your income and claimed everything you are entitled to?

Are you budgeting carefully?

Are you on the best possible mortgage deal?

Can you fit in a lodger to get extra to pay for repairs?

Maintenance doesn't have to be expensive, you can teach yourself to do an awful lot.

Scrap the mortgage question if your XH is paying for it.

Gotupandgone 'since finding out I would have to sell one day just doesn’t feel like home anymore.' So get this.

I think in your position I’d only consider this if I could buy something with the 60% that was mine. At the moment if he is paying the mortgage and you can only just manage the bills, does that mean of you sold now you’d have to use your equity to pay rent? That money will then run out pretty fast and seems a bit of a waste. Massive sympathy though, I was left with a house with massive damp issues, mouldy kitchen/bathroom and it is miserable. I hope you find a solution.

I’d start preparing yourself for moving into full time work as soon as possible, then once you’ve done that and are in a position to take out your own mortgage, let your ex know that you want to sell up. The longer you delay selling your current house and realising your 60% of the equity, the older you’ll be and the more difficult you’ll find it to get a mortgage of your own - you’ll be looking at renting then forever, whilst you still have time to do something about it now.

@Paq no I’m paying the mortgage, all bills and responsible for all upkeep and maintenance. It feel like I’m in a rental house already except I don’t have a landlord sorting out the problems

@sunshinesupermum are you in the same situation?

I don’t have mortgage capacity I’m too old and I won’t qualify due to debts and poor credit. No matter what happens I have to sell the house..

Please take financial and legal advice. It sounds like you acted emotionally before and you are doing so again. Your problems won't go away if you sell the house, you will just replace them with a whole new set.

I've been living mortgage free since divorce but he still owns 20% of the equity while i still pay all expenses but have never asked him to co tribute. Will have to ask though as I cant afford to pay for cladding issues and cant sell till that's sorted. Not quite the same situation as you. In your place i think i would sell as the costs you anticipate having to spend might be too much to cope with?

Have you had 3 estate agent estimates?

No help in the legal side I’m afraid but it Doesn’t sound like you got a good or even workable deal out it.

Could you rent yours out to cover the mortgage (albeit possible issues with doing that if it’s not in your name) and rent somewhere smaller/cheaper or so the figures not stack up?

What’s your monthly budget like (do a money saving expert statement of affairs)?

I don’t think I got a good deal, They said it was a standard template for a mesher order so I just agreed. I read it properly a few months later and saw all the extra bits I didn’t even know were in ther . my fault.

I have had some estate agency valuations which came up as expected but my share isn’t enough to buy a house even with inflation over the next 15years, so I will be renting anyway and it seems more sensible to sell now rather than later when Im even older and at least a landlord will be maintaining a rental property?

@sunshinesupermum I hope you get the help from him that you need. Does he have to help with maintenance or are you hoping he agrees

And I can’t move out into somewhere cheaper, it’s in the paperwork I have to stay in the property or he has a right to sell it

Wouldn't your 60% be enough for a flat at least, or a shared ownership place? I too think youre continuing to make decisions based on emotion rather than cold hard fact.

The problem with private rented accomodation is lack of security - you can be given two months notice which you may be able to get extended for another two months if you go down court route - but then you have to find somewhere else and have the moving costs. You hope for a long term landlord when renting but things can and do change sometimes in exceptionally busy times in your life.

Plus sometimes getting repairs or any money spent as a sitting tennat can be hard - depends on the landlord.

DH and I rented separately and together for over decade and encountered both problems. Our first house was a bit of a nightmare - certainly a money pit - but we did have security of not suddenly having to move and possible change the kids schools and things could be done on our timetable to the house.

I think in some areas and with a poor creedit history and low wage - you may be asked for a rental guarantor - someone lilable if you don't pay the rent - may be worth looking into if you need one.

Depending on area rental costs may be higher than mortage costs - worth looking into.

Long term - what are house prices around you likley to do - waiting could mean more money and once your child is post school it's easier to move to cheaper parts of the country. So would waiting get you more money at a time you'd have more freedome to relocate?

It does come across as if house is depressing you and that's influencing your choices - may be worth trying to take a step back and doing some research see what the best options are for you.

[quote Gotupandgone]@sunshinesupermum thanks for the reply. I know he will spend the money on her and their new house but I’m just at the point where I know I need to get on with my life and forget what they’re doing and not care. My part of the money would have to help with rent and bills but this house has become a weight on my shoulders and since finding out I would have to sell one day just doesn’t feel like home anymore [/quote]
I'd look into whether its possible to sell it to a relative for a pound. Give him 20p. Then pay for the transfer back into your name. Or buy it back for a pound.

Does he have to help with maintenance or are you hoping he agrees.

He doesn't have to help but when it comes to reselling the flat (I'm 73 and am thinking care home in future lol) it would be best if he helps even with a small amount. As it is I will have to take a loan out to cover the costs which are likely to be £000s.

Could you use the equity you get to buy shared housing at least or would even that stretch your budget too far? I know there is rent to be paid on the share you do not own.

OP you are panicking. You need proper financial and legal advice. Don't compound your problems.

How much of an older Mum are you? I'm guessing your child is primary age if you are p/t so could you get a 15/20/25 yr mortgage? My mortgage isn't paid off until I'm 70.

The house isn’t in my name so it will be my ex husband selling it. You’re all right I am emotional and letting that rule my head. I can’t sell it for 20p as it has to be a price agreed by both parties.

@belhaven I can’t get a mortgage I tried when we were going through court and everyone turned me down, my credit isn’t good at all

I understand everyone saying don’t give up an owned property but it’s not my house and will be sold one day

Maybe work on improving your credit score?

www.moneysavingexpert.com/loans/credit-rating-credit-score/

The house isn’t in my name so it will be my ex husband selling it.

If it was the main family home it should be classed as a martial asset - so do you not get some money when the house is sold?

www.co-oplegalservices.co.uk/media-centre/articles-jan-apr-2018/mesher-orders-explained/

www.divorce-online.co.uk/blog/what-happens-if-the-house-is-in-the-name-of-only-one-spouse/

I understand everyone saying don’t give up an owned property but it’s not my house and will be sold one day

When our kids are grown we expect to move on buy somewhere else - doesn't stop it being our home for another 7 + years.

Though I have to admit we never that settled in our first bought house partly as a move was always hovering over us there were other factors as well - though we ended up being there way longer than expected.

I'd suggest look before you leap - lots of research and sums - what's rental sector like where your are, is your poor credit rating going to make renting harder, how much are the rents - and maybe talk to a mortage broker sometimes they can find deals that suit your circumstances even poor or unusal ones.

I think you need to take back control as well as letting go of the emotion.

Go to citizen's advice and find out what's available in terms of housing in your area - you can't get generalised advice from here on that. For example, some places still do have council housing, but there's also housing agencies, shared tenancies, 'golden share' - all sorts of things around. There may be significant waiting lists but that's something to work towards.

The second thing you can do is to improve your credit rating - pp has posted a link. You can also speak to your bank about changing your mortgage deal now that you have a history of making payments. There might be a better interest rate, you might be able to extend the term, etc etc.

You do need to see a solicitor to see if there's anything that can be done about your deal.

And there's lots you can do around the house for free/cheap/yourself. Pull together a plan and take it one room at a time.

I'm realising I'm making it sound easy - it isn't. But now is the time to find your inner fire and start improving your life. No-one else can do that for you - and I think the house is a symbol of just how bad you're feeling about things. But you can recover, bounce back and go on to live a happy and fulfilled life. One day, one step at a time.

You sound like you're struggling with the emotional as well as financial sides of the order and what it means for you, but you need to look at the next 5, 10, 20 years and think what will give you most security.

Using the 60% capital to pay rent sounds like a terrible idea. It will all be gone with no way to replenish it. How old is your child? How old are you? You say you'll be too old to get a mortgage but you may only need a 10 year one.

Let's say your son is 10, and you are 50, and you currently earn 25k/year when 2 or 3 bed properties cost 500k. So no way to get a mortgage to buy out your ex. What I'd be considering is: could you afford a 1-bed apartment with your share of the equity? Maybe with a top-up short mortgage with a full-time wage? Then the goal is: build up your credit rating, prepare to go full-time, and know that after your son moves out you will have a secure home for retirement.

Also, re: the mortgage payments you're making, are you paying half or all? If you're paying all, will that not be reflected in the final division? It doesn't make sense that if you pay an extra say ten years mortgage payments you still only get 60% and that doesn't increase.

It is your house though. Op is it cheaper to rent in your area than your mortgage? If not then I would stay put and try and save some money towards a new place for yourself. Also I would decorate to your own taste to make it feel more like yours.