What does attachment disorder look like?

[PostNatalMess]

Just that. I'm worried my baby has it.
I have had severe depression for months and worry it's impacted him. I never worried before (as much) because he seemed very mummyish but now:
Very clearly prefers his nana to.me
Says nana all day long even when she's not here
Doesn't settle for sleep without a bottle
Doesn't make eye contact when he eats
Doesn't always come to me when I go away and come back
Sometimes, not always,.cries when I leave a room.
Doesn't settle at all at night
Has to co sleep and even then is unsettled.

I'm afraid I don't have any knowledge about attachment disorder but I didn't want to read and run. How old is he OP?

Hopefully someone with more knowledge will be along soon.

16 months. 😥

Speak to your HV if you are worried.

Those things you have described are pretty normal at that age.

And babies' brains are super elastic. Even if there were a problem it is easily fixable at this age.

Here is a really good video about the attachment types. I would speak to your HV and also contact PANDAS which specialises in pre and post natal mental health 💕

Even if there is an issue with attachment (and that’s aMASSIVE if), it is absolutely possible to change. The fact that you are aware of, and distressed by, the possibility is the biggest indicator that this is something that can and will change (again, IF necessary).

Suzanne Zeedyke is an expert on attachment and I like what she says, ' 'Repair is more important that rupture.'

First of all, most of this behaviour sounds very normal and relatable.

Secondly, I think what you are asking is whether your baby may not be securely attached which I don’t think is the same as having an attachment disorder. My recollection is that attachment types do often change for young children, and exhibiting signs of an insecure attachment at one point is not uncommon or worrying. Also, attachment turns out to be a complex thing, a combination of both nurture and nature. It doesn’t all come down to you. However, you can do things to promote a secure attachment like being responsive. Obviously this would have been a challenge while depressed but also if your baby has developed a good connection with their nana then that’s actually a great thing too!

Thirdly the most notable thing about what I’m reading here is your worry. You sound like you are possibly actively checking for signs around attachment, which probably wouldn’t even come into most people’s minds, so maybe this is reflecting your worry about having caused harm more than any actual issue caused. I am thinking if you are coming out of a depression then maybe you are still needing some help with managing your worries.

I say all this to be reassuring. But it’s obviously good that you care about the well-being of your baby.