How to make friends at work

[winteroversummer]

Hi,

I'm starting a new job in September and I'd like some advice on how to make some friends in the workplace. I always seem to be left out of social invites with work colleagues outside of work- I'm friendly and helpful and share my resources and I think I'm quite nice and funny to be around. My circle of friends from university all say this about me, and I have some really lovely friends from school and university. I never manage to make close friends at work though, and as im moving to a new city with this new job I'd love to make a friend who I can sit next to at lunches / meetings / just not always feel like im out on the edge and not sure what to do with myself lol. I've been in my current role or three years and I've just seen a gaggle of my colleagues get lunch together and they're all say next door having a chat and a laugh now. Im in the adjacent room with the door open and I said hi, and now im feeling awkward and getting on with some work so I don't just look like im having a lonely lunch lol. I don't feel like I can join them as other than 'hi' nobody in the group said anything else, even though they all know me. They're closer with each other and invite each other out outside of work, which I hear about after it's happened.

Any advice?

I think it happens over time, but lots of people don't have friends at work or want to be attached to anybody at work. Do you think these people were friends before this workplace? I would perhaps try and find some other way to make friends.

Agree with the above
But… get involved with the water cooler chat, ask people if you can sit with them at lunch, offer to do the odd brew round etc.

I keep my work and social life very separate, and most people I know are the same so I wouldn’t count on work getting you the circle of friends you want in a new place

I'd love to make a friend who I can sit next to at lunches / meetings/ just not always feel like im out on the edge and not sure what to do with myself lol.

Honestly, that sounds a bit clingy/first day of school to me, OP. I mean, I'm not intending to be unpleasant and some of my best friends are from former workplaces but in my experience workplace acquaintanceships start off very loose, general and collective, and only later, if at all, become the kind of one-on-one thing you seem to be looking for. I would find being targeted by a new person who wanted someone to sit next to at meetings a bit odd.

I would say the best thing you can do in your new position is to be generally friendly and see who you gel with, but also to use the fact that you're new to ask to be included in lunch arrangements or casual after work drinks -- because if, after three years in your current workplace, you're getting on with work so you don't look as if you're 'having a lonely lunch', because you don't feel able to say 'May I join you?' to your colleagues, then you should not settle into a similar situation in the new workplace.

Your current colleagues may well think you prefer to lunch at your desk. I've certainly had jobs where that was the best use of my time, or there was only one day a week I was open to lunch with other people etc.

I think its a combo of it happening over time and putting yourself out there a little bit. Agree with PP, ask what lunch plans people have, offer to make tea etc. Thats a far as id go though as you really dont want to come across as desperate. Desperation makes people run a mile. Other than that, a general friendly demeanor will go far. The rest happens over time and you have to let things develop over months. This is actually quite good because it gives you time to suss people out and avoid attaching yourself to an utter belter.

Aside from that, what hobbies do you have? Is there any clubs etc in your new city? Thats another way of making friends.

I would like to just add that I met my best friend at work so it does happen, just over time. It was years and we became better friends when we left as we realised we missed each other. Same happened with dp, but again, after years.

It helps if there's someone else who's fairly new - my "lunch every day" person was a guy the same age as me who started at the same time. Everyone else had worked together for years so we clicked quite easily. Did start some rumours tho.

Or depending on the layout and who you work near if you they seem open to chat, ask about them, do your share of drinks rounds etc if appropriate. My other good work friend was a similar age and situation to me but we also sat next to each other is it eased that chat thing cos we'd talk on and off over the day.

If someone is eating before you get in, ask if you can join them or if you're in first smile when people come in. Bl

But most of all be yourself

"What are good places to have lunch around here?"

Let it grow over time
I find it helps if you sit in the same place near the same people
Make small talk about tv shows, the weekend, holidays etc but gauge signals as to whether this is wanted or people are busy and find it annoying!
Hopefully there will be nice people at your new work who will make conversation and make an effort to find out things about you and make you feel welcome
But you won’t know until you get there if they are those kind of people or not

Yeah, let it grow over time, but don't be too eager. Work is not like Uni and I have learned to my expense that its sometimes better to keep colleagues at arms length.

I've got some old colleagues that are still friends who are lovely, but these days I'm friendly but not pally with my workmates.

Is it necessarily a bad thing if those you work with are colleagues, not friends? Providing they are colleagues who are good at their job, don't annoy you with their habits or responses, will help out in a time of difficulty at work?

I'd start with asking what people do for lunch.

Take cakes or biscuits on your first day. Treats are always well received and could be a starting point for further conversation.

Great advice above!

Don't rush things. Take time to settle in and find your way around and get a feel for the place and the people. It makes a lot of sense to maintain a professional distance. You are there wo work and do a job, the friendship stuff often comes later as they know your work, respect you as a professional, etc.

Good luck in the new role. It's just that you are thinking/preparing so far in advance. It will be exciting and fun!!

Online or in person? Your new job?