Lack of friends making me sad

[Llamallamadingdong]

I’ve just come back from a holiday with DH and DD (in the middle of nowhere with no phone reception) and not a single person has messaged me the entire time I was away.

I have a couple of acquaintances but not really any real friends. I’d love a group of mates I could go out with for a few drinks or maybe a weekend away.

DD is at school but I seem to be on the outside with no real friendships with the other school mums. I’ve stopped looking on FB as seeing them all doing things together makes me feel worse.

Anyone else in a situation where they don’t have many friends? I’m feeling really isolated at the moment.

I wouldn't think to message a friend or even a family member while they were on holiday though. To me that's their time away from the day to day and I wouldn't bother them unless it was an emergency. Personally I like to go off grid a bit too while I'm away.

Yeah same here. I'm in a funny situation where I am starting to have this need to be alone. I have children but no real friends. I've literally never been on a girls night out or similar.

What do you do during the day whilst DD is at work op? Could you look at work, volunteering or a hobby?

@TulipTuloo maybe I need to cultivate a need to be alone, it would certainly solve the problem!

@SleepingStandingUp I currently work 3 days a week, on my days off I typically clean the house, read a book if I get time then go do the school run. I have a couple of hobbies but frustratingly they are solitary activities. I’m starting a degree in September so that will fill some of my free time.

This sounds really tough. For what it's worth, more often than not, I'm the one who instigates text conversations. I think there are the people who think of texting, and people who don't.

Have you tried striking up conversation with other lone parents at the school gate? It's very difficult to strike up friendships with established groups of school mums, I found. But there might be other people feeling the same way. I said on another thread somewhere, that I made a friend that way that I still see, 20 odd years on. Sometimes you have to be the brave one.

It's so much more difficult now, with Facebook and Instagram. I imagine it's very hard to see pictures of things you weren't included in.

I'm older, so I used to go out either with work college, or with clubs/groups i belonged to (rural backgrounds, so in my case it was the pony club followed by young farmers) My siblings were involved in sports too, and sports clubs would generally organise socials, plus there were the inevitable meets in the pub after a game.

A young friend of mine recently got involved in a sport with her young son (they both take classes) and they joined the social club that goes with it. Apparently they are having a blast as apparently it's very welcoming to newcomers.

I hope you find something, OP. It feels like it has got more difficult to cultivate new friendships since I was young

I should proofread

Can you cultivate any friendships at work? If you're going to Uni hopefully you'll be meeting people with similar interests

@Skybluepinkgiraffe I think you’re right, it is harder to make friends with established groups of mums. I do talk to one other mum at drop off but she’s got terrible social anxiety so doesn’t particularly want to go out for coffee etc.

@SleepingStandingUp my degree is through Open University so unfortunately won’t manage to meet anyone that way but I am thinking of trying to get some volunteering work going on so that would be a good was of meeting people!

You are seeking to actively widen your social circle so you will make friends soon. Don't look for friends who are only of the same age group as you, either. Older people and younger people can be brilliant friends as well.

At one stage in my life, my friendship group were all 20 something, same as me. As life progressed and our lives went in different ways, I've made friends with lots of different people.

I have friends who range from 20 to almost 90. The older woman I met in a wild swimming group - she still does the Boxing Day dip but I just watch these days.