Is anxiety nature or nurture?

[Doodlebug15]

Does anyone have any idea on this?

I've always suffered with anxiety and panic attacks and am so exhausted with constantly feeling this way, wondering if it's something I can 'unlearn'.

My mother has never been anxious/worried about anything in her life and whilst my dad is a 'worrier' he's never had a panic attack. Sister and brother also very laid back. So just me.

I did grown up with lots of domestic violence, my mum has beaten my dad since I was very small and I would regularly see him black and blue/purple but this was never (significantly) turned on me so don't know if my upbringing has an effect?

I've had years of counselling, CBT, mindfulness, etc and nothing helps. Medication fixes about 70% of it but comes with side effects (significant weight gain, complete loss of sexual desire) and I want to just be med side effect free.

Is this just my life/personality that I have to accept and live with?! So exhausted with constantly feeling sick/living on my nerves!!!

I would think your current family situation is a source of your anxiety. Having to tiptoe around a mother who controls who speaks to who. You’re adding a smiley emoji but it’s no smiling matter really. Talk to your brother directly if you can. Always make all arrangements directly with other adults and not have to go through a 3rd party. Reshape those longstanding habits so that your mother is no longer in control. Needs to be done!

@NeverDropYourMoonCup Bloody hell, I don't know why but I burst into tears after reading your comment! My life is very quiet now, just me and Dh as I don't think I could ever manage the responsibility and weight of being a parent.

And so sorry to hear so many other people grew up in difficult situations, I wish this wasn't the case.

Why does your mum influence whether you see your nephews? Why isn't that down to your brother?

@BroccoliRob

Interesting. My son has really severe anxiety - hasn't had any trauma/domestic violence/anything else to traumatise him. Neither his dad or myself have anxiety to this degree. (I do a little bit now and again). Always wondered where it comes from.

DD had a very stable and loving upbringing with two loving parents, but she suffers from anxiety.

I really resent that people are saying that it is nurture because it makes me feel like a shit parent

[quote Doodlebug15]@NeverDropYourMoonCup Bloody hell, I don't know why but I burst into tears after reading your comment! My life is very quiet now, just me and Dh as I don't think I could ever manage the responsibility and weight of being a parent.

And so sorry to hear so many other people grew up in difficult situations, I wish this wasn't the case.[/quote]
Awww, I didn't mean to make you cry. Do you think that I might have touched upon something relevant there?

DP has significant anxiety and tends to have a load of noise going on to try and drown it out (which is the opposite of what I need, so that makes for an interesting discussion or two) - I suggested that he could be 'freezing' because he actually needs to run - he doesn't do the fight bit of the fight or flight response. And once he agreed that taking that literally could be worth trying, he found that exercise has helped enormously, including running.

We're genetically programmed to be able to fight for our lives or run away in times of danger, after all, but when we can't, our other natural response is to hide and hope we aren't noticed.

Would you be open to trying some form of exercise? We both use a cheap gym most times - it's not silent, there's air con, you can use earphones to give you music you like, you can use cardio machines or weights and the rhythmic repetitions can also be calming. You're exerting yourself and moving, so your body is being told 'I'm responding to the scary thing'. Running or walking/jogging does exactly the same in an open environment (parks rather than pavements at the moment, I'm looking to move on to trail 'running' later on as it's being outdoors that helps most, with daylight and weather and greenery/sky), as could swimming.

You can tailor exercise to what you are physically able to do right now, change it up if your fitness and strength levels change, go more or go less - it's something within your control. And if you get the endorphin release from exercise, combined with your body believing you have run away and escaped the scary thing, it can really help you relax and sleep better.

After all, the comfortable, non exertive, talking and swallowing things you've done haven't helped enough and have their own shortcomings - maybe it's worth giving a visceral/subconscious/physical thing a physical challenge to see if that helps?

@takemehometoasda

I have a colleague at work who is having counselling for PTSD (Abusive/violent relationship now ended and she didn't have a brilliant childhood either - stepfather emotionally abusive).

If people don't have counselling what are recommended routes to help deal with it?

I'm naturally anxious and have taken steps to address this (including CBT) . I did wonder if it was nurture as my mother was quite helicopterish and anxious herself but I'm very different to her and my son is so anxious - he came out anxious.

Could be the result of either nature of nurture, sounds like both have probably contributed to your anxiety. I would look at help for PTSD and once you've done that rather than try to get rid of your anxiety if you still have it then perhaps find ways to live with it if you can, work out everything that makes you anxious and remove as much of it as you can.