Is this a phase? I can't stand my DH anymore!

[pluygh]

I've been married 15 years and have DC. We've been through thick and thin over the years. We've plodded along in our relationship ok but lately I don't know how to explain it but I find him so off putting. His character, his habits, how he says the same predictable things every single time.

I find him so passionless - about everything. He doesn't plan for the future, think about how to bring up the kids, he can be so absent. He isn't a bad person or horrible to me but I wonder why I even married him.

He hasn't changed at all and I wonder if the problem is that I have. What I want I feel he cannot provide. I feel we're not compatible anymore which is crazy as when we first got together everyone we knew would comment on how we are such a perfect match. We really were but now I feel like I'm living with a stranger.

I know I shouldn't but I find myself looking at other husbands / dads and the way they are with their partners / children / families and my heart breaks.

I don't know where this has come from. Is it the boredom, the sameness of being with someone so long. Do we need to make some changes to shake things up or is this the beginning of the end.

Time to shake things up a bit. We've all had a weird restricted year so it may be that.

Can you get away by yourselves? Arrange to do something new, an activity holiday maybe.
Or maybe you need to be less available so he is forced to make some decisions.
Could be fun

Definitely make some changes, like a date night once a week. But it does get so you forget why you married them. Write down something hing about him that made you first like him. Ask people especially family, who knew you then if you seemed in love. They may have observed what you've forgotten cos you're wrapped up in house and kids and boredom.

I started feeling like this. Then I got the ick. It all just continued going downhill. I LTB and it was the best thing I ever did

Whether it's a phase or the beginning of the end after 15 years surely he deserves a chance.....
(The last 2 years of lockdown have been tough for everyone - we have spent more time together than we might like!!!!!).

So talk to him. Try to make some time together. Try to remember what first attracted you to him. Do some fun things and see what happens.

I know not everyone agrees with me but I believe relationships change over time. Where as in the first few years you might have wanted to rip each others clothes off all the time life moves on. What are his redeeming features? Is he a good partner? Does he support you mentally and emotionally and practically? Is he a good dad? (My husband isn't necessarily the dad I imagined him to be.....but he is still a good dad to the kids.) Remember as well relationships go both ways....

Good luck.

You probably have a passion for life, see the bigger picture, want to do things and get things done, and your dh just coasts along.
You probably haven’t changed. The difference has just become more apparent with kids.
I’m not sure what you can do, he just sounds like a settled old man!

Time for a honeymoon! Spending time together, ideally in new and lovely surroundings, and without the distractions and demands of normal life, would help enormously... either you would "find" each other again or realise that your relationship is dead in the water.

This is more common than you think.
Many go through this ...think "mid life crisis"
Kids need you less, more social media portraying what other halves do or don't do, wanting somone who treats you like a woman than a mother.
Yep, the grass isn't always greener.
People rarely stay the same as their younger selves. You do need to give things a chance before deciding it's end of the road

I went through this and decided to cut social media out - Instagram was the only one I used but was very toxic for me I think. No ones relationship is perfect but social media makes it easy to think that it is. Make some time for you and DH to spend time away from the kids, maybe a hobby you two can do together? If he's good to you and the issue is that you feel stuck in a rut, please don't compare him to others because that will just make it worse.

There have been times when I have felt like tbis about DP, and its usually because we just havn't spent any time together for a long time. We work opposite shifts for childcare so we are like ships in the night! What helps us is the occasional child free night away, or even just sending DD to my Mums for the night, so we can reconnect as a couple.

I try to role reverse this …
If you found out he felt the same about you but then just gave up trying or just gave up, would you be mad he hadn’t given you or the relationship a chance especially for sake of kids?.

2 years of lockdown? No it isn't.

Are you peri menopause age ?

@TowelStripes

2 years of lockdown? No it isn't.

From Feb 2020 to July 2021......goes almost all the way through 2020 (yes there was a bit in july/August where we could go out a bit....) But with social distancing, lots of places not open....I still haven't been to the theatre as all my shows have been cancelled including one for next week.....it feels like forever......I have been home far too much and spent more time than ever before with my OH. He hasn't left the house for work since March 2020 when 0reviously he would go visit different offices a few days as least every other month.... Lots of relationships have changed.

It was mid/end of March 2020 lockdown in England.

23rd March 2020, to be exact.

@BalladOfBarryAndFreda

23rd March 2020, to be exact.

I love your user name by the way....one of my favourites.

9th Feb the local hotel was used to house a plane full of Wuhan returnees....we played football at the pitch next door.

The following week football training was cancelled due to 'the risks'....and life hasn't been the same since.....

@DinosaurDiana

Are you peri menopause age ?

This is my question too!

I know more than one woman going through this and while I'm no expert I strongly suspect it's related to hormones.

Doesn't mean it's not real or valid though.

People do change ..

@Mumdiva99, ah. Well, I stand corrected!

It's 1yr 3months. Sorry to detail but two years it ain't.