What do you do when your teen is being a jerk

[everybloodyusername]

Tonight I've been told I'm a bad mum.
That I think I'm a good mum but I'm not, and a few other personal attacks.

Because I told him to turn computers off. I try really hard to get him interested in some things other than gaming and am met with anger all the time. I don't think spending all your time alone and on a computer is healthy.

I'm so hurt and angry. And quite frankly sick of living with someone who talks to me like dirt.

You leave it and have a conversation at an easier time.

Do you eat together? Drive him anywhere? They are good times to discuss respect and language.

If his gaming worries you then you need to articulate the why and what on a non judgemental way. As know what you want and what you can compromise on so they have room to negotiate and feel like they haven't been dictated to.

At the same time teens and parents always clash, it's part of growing up. As always pick your battles.

Personally if they make a hurtful comment I'll make light of it at the time and then throw it back later to make a point.

So calling you a bad mum - I'd have mimed being stabbed in the heart and dying and then next time they wanted me to do something for them that was inconvenient I'd say but I'm such a bad mum why do you want anything from me?
It's all done light heartedly to get the point across without a fight.

We use a lot of humour here and there is less shouting now than when they were younger.

I've also fostered some join activities- we paddle board together.

I also use the following phrases- these are outing!
I can be meaner!
Life's not fair.
I'm your mum not your friend.

Teenagers can be dicks

I tell him. "Hey, that was a really dickish thing to say/do". Pulls him up and makes him think a bit (sometimes anyway). He's pulled the crap mum card before as well - ashamed to say that one time when he did it I actually asked him what if it wasn't that I was a crap mum but that he was a crap child? It did upset him, obviously, and he said that I wasn't supposed to say that kind of thing, my job was just to love him. I did then ask if it cuts both ways and he did at least look a little bit sheepish.

@itsamegladon this. I cannot even tell you how much I love this statement. My is the same. 17. No ambition. Does nothing. Horrible person at the moment. Moans about everything and anything. He used to be lovely. I have been told he will get better. By then he will have no qualifications and no life.

Wait until they have left the room and cant see me, then stick my fingers up at them.

Its very satisfying.

It should be in parenting books.

You literally have to bite your tongue and walk away. I have learned this with my 15yr old ds, but only because I fucked it up so spectacularly with my dd

When my DS was 17/18 it was tough. He really believed that he could sit around and do nothing and I would provide him with everything including a new car. We had a really sticky patch and I thought our close relationship would never recover. But it did. The trouble is they are your heart.

He doesn't hate you. But I do know how much it hurts.

Luckily my 15 year old needs dh and I to be her taxi service. Any low level cheek gets a reminder that she doesn't speak to me like that along with a quick mention of said taxi service.

It does the trick.

I think the way people talk to each other is habitual so I am alert to nipping the low level disrespect in the bud.

So, my advice - find leverage.

Teenagers are often twats. They know it all, they can be very opinionated and they push the boundaries. Hard. It can make you feel as though your relationship with your once lovely and sweet child has been broken beyond repair. We've all been there at times.

I certainly never found all the solutions, or even half of them and I know I got off lightly with my three DDs. Pick your battles, I guess.

You really have to

I’m just putting it out there. Why the eye roll. Why do they think they know everything. Why the sarcasm. Why why why. I keep walking away. But I am really struggling with him at that moment.

Well he came in later and apologised and asked for a hug. Still I do wonder if deep down he really does think I'm terrible!!

Thank you everyone for your advice. I knew teenage years would be difficult but I didn't expect it to be hard in this way I guess. I took him out loads and always got him into sport and activities, so to now see him shut away gaming is a shock.

@Babababababybelll

Wait until they have left the room and cant see me, then stick my fingers up at them.

Its very satisfying.

It should be in parenting books.

😂😂😂 I must try this

@Paranoidandroidmarvin1350

I’m just putting it out there. Why the eye roll. Why do they think they know everything. Why the sarcasm. Why why why. I keep walking away. But I am really struggling with him at that moment.

I get a lot of 'whaaaaaat' and eye rolling too. What I really can't stand is when I say something and he says huh or what 3 times and I have to repeat myself. Drives me crazy.

Do you remember being a teenager and thinking your parents were the worst in the world ? I do and grew to love them again fairly soon after and continued to do so all my life. Teens can be a pain. If he thinks he can gain anything by having you question yourself as a mum he will play that card again and again. So don't take it on board. It's just his disappointment at having to leave the dam gadgets. It's good to give plenty of notice about coming off games and time to wind down otherwise they can get very angry.
Just forget about it now as every day is a new day and he will take his lead from you in that.

A friend's DS is doing the eye-roll...at 6! He learned it from his older brother (15) and it was even commented on (tongue-in-cheek) at parent's evening !

She's hoping he might have got over it by the time he's a teenager...