Positive stories about having 3 kids

[ohfook]

So I've been broody for a third child for ages, but didn't go for it because it didn't make sense for our family.

A little while ago dh said he was sick of me going on about it and let's just go for it. We did then a couple of days later common sense seeped in again and we realised it was a shit idea. I think you can see where this is going. After taking ages to get pregnant with my first two I wasn't worried that 2 unprotected shags would get me pregnant with number 3 ... but it has.

My specific worries are we're an average earning family (but both from poor backgrounds) and not sure with three if we could afford to give them the life that we want. Ie hobbies now, afford uni fees when they're older, help with house deposits etc. Basically the things dh and I didn't get which we think would help our two immensely.
Not being able to give our two existing children the attention that they need (she said while typing on her phone while her kids play in another room).
Im 38 is that an age where I should be worried about my age raising the likelihood of a baby having additional needs.
Twins - two more kids is definitely above my parental capabilities!

So please if you have 3 kids (and especially if you're a bit old and not rich). Tell me how it all worked out ok in the end. I don't mind a bit of reality about some of the difficulties you met along the way, but if you really regret it and your third child ruined the lives of your first two and led you into financial destitution then I am not the person to tell! I need something to stop me spiralling a bit today please.

How old are your other dcs?
Dh wasn’t sure for ages, gave in then I had a panic attack when I got pregnant and thought I’d made a huge mistake. I was a year older than you too.
But dc3 is a lovely child, dcs loved having another sibling and generally it’s been fun.
We managed by doing lots of free and cheap stuff. Dcs don’t need to attend clubs. Although we did pay for swimming lessons, scouts and bought the dcs bikes.
Libraries are free and often have events (Covid affecting things currently though). Parks are free and you can take balls, frisbees, kites and picnics.
Your financial status doesn’t have to be the same in the future as it is now. You can get pay rises and new jobs.
Dcs can also get part time work when they’re older and can apply for student loans.
Don’t worry too much about all that. Just do your best with them while they’re young. Give them a good work ethic, have fun and limit screen time from when they’re young

That's a lovely post @UnwantedGain thank you. My dcs are 7 and 4.

I'm also worried because I read that you lose your maternal feelings when you hit menopause and I don't want to have to fake it with one of my kids!
And that I've basically increased dh's anxiety.
And in a completely shallow way that this pregnancy will just drain the last of my youthful looks away.

In real life I present as really laid back and rarely fazed so it's very cathartic typing all of this out!

I’ve no idea about losing maternal feelings but if dc 3 is a crap sleeper, then I can vouch for that drain of youthful looks
But looking after yourself helps, they keep you young mentally and your family will think youre beautiful anyway

Just had DC3 a month ago! So I can't really comment on managing finances etc, but our plan is saving an amount each month for each child for future uni costs etc - it obviously won't cover everything but better than nothing. Trying to save an equal amount based on child benefit, but will aim to increase in the future as I go back to full time work.
Mine are 5 and 2. Currently managing football club for DC1 and want to do swimming lessons. We haven't had a holiday for a couple of years, then not withcovid etc, but the way we are looking at it is childcare is a massive expense for the next couple of years even though I'm part time,once they are in school it frees up money for classes, holidays etc, and I will hopefully go full time.
I'm 40 btw. I can't say I didn't have a few wobbles during pregnancy wondering what we were getting into, and birth was not great due to complications but I don't think these were age related. And a newborn is hard even without older children! But we're all so happy and pleased she's here even my oldest keeps saying how great it is. My youthful looks are long gone though, I've not had a full night's sleep in years

I mean on a site with 119 million users, the fact that only 2 people had positive stories is a bit worrying.

Hopefully it's because this topic has been done to death and not because everyone is so busy with their three kids that they don't have time for a quick browse on MN.

We've got 3!! And I wouldn't change anything. We were living in a tiny flat above DH's business at the time as we'd sold our house to purchase the business premises, and both of our families thought we'd gone mad. But our 3rd was just such a gift, always happy and content and I honestly enjoyed every second with them knowing we wouldn't do it again. We managed to scrimp for a house deposit by the time that the baby was 1, and although we had many years of no holidays/driving old bangers, I wouldn't have done it any differently. Now they're all young adults, and there have been a few times lately when they're all home with their DH's /DPs/DC and my heart has almost burst - I'm so so glad we had 3 and am so proud of them all. And whilst we're not millionaires, we can help them all financially when they need it and when we retire we intend to then give them the bulk of their inheritance so we get to see them enjoy it.

I had DC3 when I was 36. He was the best thing ever even though he didn't sleep. We had plenty of worries about how we would afford another child especially as it wasn't planned and we'd got rid of a lot of the baby stuff. But we managed and wouldn't have it any other way

Hi OP, I’m due to have our third child in 4 weeks. We live in a 3 bed house, I’m a SAHM and DP is self employed.
Our third wasn’t planned and money was tight anyway, so we looked at our finances, we’ve changed from a 4x4 to a car that has as much room in the boot and inside, it’s saved us hundreds of pounds a month, we’ve also tweaked other things to save money and it all adds up!
I’m looking forward to three children because they will always have each other to play with, talk to, and have a great bond when older. Instead of treats from grandma she pays for the weekly martial arts class (healthier than sweets or toy clutter), so for birthdays etc you can ask for money off family and put towards their club fees.
In terms of uni, even if you put £5 a month away for each child it’s something towards it, also there are tuition loans and also so many great employment opportunities like apprenticeships so they may not all even want to go to uni.
Hope this helps a little xx

@Mumoftwo2021 that is such a good idea about money towards classes, we definitely don't need more toys etc and o know family we haven't seen for a while with lockdown struggle to think of gifts.

We've got three, it's the magic number for us.

Our third is quite a character and she keeps us all laughing. It also means if they fall out with one sibling there is always another one around.

Life is not designed for a family of five but we just embrace it and adapt. Holidays are usually self catering places but that suits us as we like our own space.

Def. couldn't have four, but that's because I couldn't give them enough attention, three is doable.

It is expensive. We both work full time (wfh) but we enjoy our jobs, kids understand that you have to work hard to earn decent money, good life lesson already!

We even have two dogs, so perhaps we just like a challenge!

I have DC ages 9, 6 and 3.

DC3 has some special needs however he is my little shadow and has enriched the lives of his siblings massively. DC1 learnt sign language so he could communicate with him and we wouldn't be without him.

Financially ok, the older ones have swimming lessons and a club each. I save the child benefit for them each month. It's doable if you change expectations, with DC1 we were always paying for expensive days out but now they all love putting wellies on and wading through rivers and digging holes in the garden, we've got a caravan holiday booked so it's all good.

I'm due my 3rd dc in a few weeks and to be honest I'm shitting myself about how it's all going to turn out. It happened for us pretty much the same as for you; we'd talked about a 3rd for a while, in a fit of madness decided to go for it but soon came to my senses but was too late. Never dreamed that one unprotected shag was going to do the job!

I've tried to just remember the reasons we said we wanted a third in the first place but to be honest I don't feel convinced by them anymore and often all I can think of are the negatives.

Sorry, no advice but just wanted to let you know that you're not alone in the way that you feel. Also, thank you for starting the thread as it's helping me to feel a tiny bit better too. Good luck with everything, I'm sure it will all work out & soon we won't be able to imagine life without our no.3

We had dc3 in similar circumstances - I'd gone on about of for ages and DH relented one eve.. By morning I'd decided it was a silly idea... You know what happened!

Dc3 is a brilliant addition to our family, has given the older ones longer being little imp as they can still play with younger toys and in younger games without feeling too self conscious. I've noticed friends who have 2 older ones have swiftly left a lot of stuff behind that mine still get to enjoy and I'm glad of it for them.

Money was tight for a few years, we decided I'd go v part time for a while rather than paying massive childcare bills, but I've gone back to a higher paid job nearly ft now dc3 is in school. DH has since changed jobs and got promoted and money is now not really a problem. We don't have a lavish lifestyle and have fairly cheap tastes but our dc are having a lovely time!

We have three. They're now 26/24/22. Our family wouldn't have been complete with only two. It was difficult sometimes - things like family holidays are really for 2 parents, 2 DC. They are now great friends.

Ooh, my surprise third is 15 months old now, we had firmly decided to stop at two and then DD made herself known via my thickening waistline.
DH thought we should terminate, I didn't, she was 14 weeks by the time I took the test.
Anyway, it's been brilliant, the older two (6 and 8 when she arrived), they love her to bits, she just slotted into family life. I was 36 when I became pregnant, I was about to start my course at uni and had to postpone it. We are also fairly low-income, but you know what? We've managed fine

Good luck!

My third was in similar circumstances.

Honestly she’s the best thing to have happened to us.

Life is a lot of crazy and I miss the simplicity of two or one, but it’s great.

I have 3! I'm a single mum who has a good job (equal to 2 average earning salaries so no different to having 2 working parents). Yes it can be hard at times, and I do limit them to 1 extra activity each because of time constraints. But they are an absolute joy to have. Theyre 8, 5 and 3 and they make me laugh. My youngest is an absolute character, a game changer with parenting but I wouldn't be without her. You'll be absolutely fine.

Congratulations on DC3. You really don't need to worry about university... my parents were affluent in my childhood (freelances), then we really really struggled financially in my teens. Me and my sister went to university with government loans and muddled through. No we didn't go out drinking or have lots of social events, but we definitely made it work, got good degrees (I am now doing a masters she is in banking). Our parents didn't support us financially because they simply couldn't. I didn't expect it either... although our hard financial circumstances in my teens really helped me learn to budget at university.

sorry to have gone off on a tangent there... ultimately, if you love your child and have a strong family unit, you will be fine. Siblings also tend to get very excited about a new baby.

I have 3, with a big gap after having 2 very close together. He’s definitely made our family complete, and I absolutely love the watching the 3 sibling dynamic, he’s definitely a positive influence on the older two.

I was over 40 when I had him, which whilst slightly concerning re potential issues turned out to be no problem at all, it was actually my easiest pregnancy!!

Another positive third here! Big gap between 1 and 2, terrible trouble ttc #2, then bam, one accidental moment = #3 with only 19 months gap. Financially we are fine, I'm now sahp, although we are stretching ourselves to an extension to accommodate. Mostly everything gets saved to pass on, and I'm of an age where what we don't have, friends are desperate to pass on too. We are saving a bit for all 3, but honestly more from a property deposit perspective. If they want uni there is help but who knows what it will be by then.

Age wise, I was 42 when he was born, and yes, I maybe look like shit. He's a dream baby though, almost 1 and a lovely sleeper, gentle, always laughing and kissing. The older two adore him and he is such a joy I cannot imagine life without him.

The absolute best thing ever.

I have 3! I feel like he is the one I was always waiting for! He’s 9 weeks and just fitted in our family. The other kids are 5 and 3 and love him to bits.

I had my 3rd at 41. Unplanned and after 2 girls conceived with fertility treatment. My 3 get in brilliantly (now 26, 18 and 10) and he is the best surprise we've ever had. Our house is so much more fun with him. We obviously would have had more money if we only had two children but I'm so glad we haven't. With regards to uni, I never understand people saying people from low income families can't afford it. They are the ones who get the higher maintenance loan. It is the middle income families who get hit harder. The children get low maintenance loans and they have to find the balance to support their child. I reality, everyone lives within their means and don't have lots of spare money left at the end of the month.

I have 3. Very similar to you after always thinking we wanted 3 or 4 we had a wobble the first month we started trying for a third, I thought it was unlikely I was pregnant but I was. DC3 is nearly 6 now and while we have had ups and downs those years having DC3 is never something I regret, they have made my life better in so many ways. As for the future, who knows what it will bring re uni etc we dont tend to worry about that based on last few years and are a happy family of 5. Good luck.

Just came across this post and I'm in a similar situation debating whether to go for it or not and heartwarming to hear so many positive accounts of having a 3rd child in similar situations to myself age and income wise...just wondered how many of you went for it and how things turned out for you??
If any of you are still on here I'd be interested to know :)