Disassociating/overwhelmed - how to stop?

[shatteredandtired]

Went out for lunch with a very, very good friend yesterday - known each other for years and years, she knows absolutely everything about me good and bad . I refer to her as being my second mum - send her a Mother’s Day card - so illustrates how close we are . Haven’t seen each other for two years due to Covid and severe mental ill health on my part .

Saw her yesterday and we had a good - long - yap but what’s thrown me is we were talking about my mental health and I happened to mention I thought I’d been sexually assaulted at some stage - she remembered a great deal more than I did and we did talk but it’s brought back lots of horrible memories .

Driving home she said she understood 100% about assault, she remembered helping me afterwards (I didn’t remember that), she knew how much I had been hurting and she knew how things had made me sad and angry - stuff about my mum and dad (both have serious difficulties and I was at times in childhood taken into care due to it) I wouldn’t ever dream of telling anyone else .

I haven’t seen anyone for two years, haven’t talked to anyone properly other than mental health professionals ! - don’t really have any good friendships other than this one - felt totally overwhelmed when she said she understood and remembered and I could have just sat and cried and cried (didn’t) like a huge weight off realising that she understands everything and knows everything . It was so strange to see her again, at one stage we met up every two weeks - it’s brought back lots of good memories but some very hard ones too .

Anyway since getting home have felt a bit strange - keep dissociating to a huge degree and blanking off, and absolutely exhausted . I know the dissociation is a protective measure; it’s been explained to me in therapy that your brain does it to cope when it’s overwhelmed but it feels so horribly uncomfortable; and I’m not sure how to get it to stop sort of? I suppose stuff like just managing self care and little things like watching familiar TV on Netflix and things like that?

I’m not sure why just going for lunch should overwhelm me so much like that, it’s so bloody stupid, but it has - feel so stupid .

Anyway - tldr; can’t stop disassociating/blanking off, how can I try and cope with it?

Sorry don't want to read and run. This isn't something I know much about. do you have a counsellor at the moment you talk to?

I do yes, due an apppointment on Tuesday thankfully which should help. Managed to sleep last night - was exhausted - but woken up feel much the same today . It’s such a horrible, horrible feeling; it’s almost same feeling I get immediately before I faint - but I’m not feeling faint, just weird .

You could always call and see if they have a cancellation and can fit you in earlier if you need to talk now?

Or just type on a thread like this. But obviously MN isn't an expert - well we are all experts on a million things (according to us ) - if you need expert support you get it.

Thank you; for some reason it hadn’t occurred to me to ring the office - that could work - and yes, probably does need expert help of some sort .

The difficulty is, and this is going to sound ridiculous; friend was (several years ago) my GP and so I’m in slightly awkward position that whilst my therapist knows (and has said she doesn’t think it’s a problem but wouldn’t tell anyone else) I cant really phone my present GP and explain/ask for advice - the only reason friend knows everything is because she was my GP for such a long time iyswim . That makes situation sound horrendous but it normally works, it’s just left me feeling totally overwhelmed this time . Maybe because it’s been so long I dunno .

First off, you’re not stupid, you’ve been triggered. It’s a huge thing that happened yesterday, not ‘just going for lunch’ - it sounds absolutely massive for someone to have validated your experience - so maybe positive in some way? But it’s also inevitably thrown up a whole lot of memories and feelings and of course your body/mind is going to use dissociation if that’s how it got you through the original trauma. I understand. I struggle with this too. I hate that I can’t control it. What helps me is to accept that it’s what’s happening and hunker down until it’s over. I had a day like this yesterday and I just had to go to bed, get under my weighted blanket and cuddle soft toys until I felt better, more real. And yes, like you said - trying to manage self care and comfort TV are absolutely the right things. Do you have anything you have to do today or can you just focus on looking after yourself? Is there someone you can talk to before Tues if you need extra support (care coordinator or someone?) Hope you feel better soon

@glitteringfishy

First off, you’re not stupid, you’ve been triggered. It’s a huge thing that happened yesterday, not ‘just going for lunch’ - it sounds absolutely massive for someone to have validated your experience - so maybe positive in some way? But it’s also inevitably thrown up a whole lot of memories and feelings and of course your body/mind is going to use dissociation if that’s how it got you through the original trauma. I understand. I struggle with this too. I hate that I can’t control it. What helps me is to accept that it’s what’s happening and hunker down until it’s over. I had a day like this yesterday and I just had to go to bed, get under my weighted blanket and cuddle soft toys until I felt better, more real. And yes, like you said - trying to manage self care and comfort TV are absolutely the right things. Do you have anything you have to do today or can you just focus on looking after yourself? Is there someone you can talk to before Tues if you need extra support (care coordinator or someone?) Hope you feel better soon

Thank you so much , yes it’s a horrible horrible feeling, I keep getting panic sensation and thinking something must be seriously physically wrong with me which I’m sure is not helping!

Hunkering down makes sense; am huddled under duvet at the moment with friends on Netflix so hopefully it’ll pass soon . Don’t have to do anything today thank goodness . It is a positive thing in some ways, felt so loved and safe and yes huge to have experiences validated - but now very vulnerable and scared . Probably won’t see friend for another few months and that’s difficult too . Missing her already !!

Thank you , I will phone therapists office at 9ish and see . Might ring GP surgery and see if they can help but won’t give details, can just say saw a friend and that should be OK . Seems daft that she’d get into bother for doing a lovely thing but I can imagine they’d not see it in a positive light .

Dissociation is a protective measure, as you know but it feels horrible. I’d echo the advice to hunker down if you can. Anything sensory will help your brain reconnect with your body, which is why a weighted blanket works so well. You could also have a warm shower - pay attention to the scent of the shower gel/soap, the water in your body etc. Doing something gently physical - like baking or drawing/colouring can help and be quit therapeutic too as can being outside, if you have a garden maybe some weeding or pottering about. Make a hot drink and feel the warmth in your hands holding the cup, pay attention to how it tastes as you drink it. Basically anything that connects you back into your body.

Have a slow day today, get some rest and don’t pressure yourself to do anything much - the internal pressure to get moving, telling yourself off etc prolongs the stress and internal panic which makes your body continue in fight or flight (which is what the dissociation is a reaction to). Gentle breathing exercises help too - google four square breathing, it’s a breathing pattern which acts to resettle your autonomic nervous system and so helps with dissociation.

@Jellycatspyjamas

Dissociation is a protective measure, as you know but it feels horrible. I’d echo the advice to hunker down if you can. Anything sensory will help your brain reconnect with your body, which is why a weighted blanket works so well. You could also have a warm shower - pay attention to the scent of the shower gel/soap, the water in your body etc. Doing something gently physical - like baking or drawing/colouring can help and be quit therapeutic too as can being outside, if you have a garden maybe some weeding or pottering about. Make a hot drink and feel the warmth in your hands holding the cup, pay attention to how it tastes as you drink it. Basically anything that connects you back into your body.

Have a slow day today, get some rest and don’t pressure yourself to do anything much - the internal pressure to get moving, telling yourself off etc prolongs the stress and internal panic which makes your body continue in fight or flight (which is what the dissociation is a reaction to). Gentle breathing exercises help too - google four square breathing, it’s a breathing pattern which acts to resettle your autonomic nervous system and so helps with dissociation.

Thank you - you and I have ‘met’ on another thread, haha, I recnfoiss your name . It is a horrible, horrible feeling. I slept through til 11am in the end; have had a couple of biscuits and going to try and get a wash - am still covered in yesterday’s make up and hair products 😩 . I keep thinking there has to be something physically wrong causing this as it’s such a strange overwhelming feeling, but can’t think what it would be . I remember the square breathing; thankfully therapist has sent me some links before so will go through them .

It’s daft, I haven’t seen that friend in years and I think I’d forgotten how much I love her if that makes sense/doesn’t sound too weird - as she was driving away I thought; oh God, can you not just stay there forever, because she gets it, she understands and she seems to know without me telling her exactly how I feel and think.

*recognise

GP phoning me at 4pm and have left a message with mental health team too . Will just sit it out until one of them rings me back . I don’t think it is something physical l, if it is probably a bit dehydrated/low blood pressure (am on propranolol) but suppose better to get checked just in case .

It’ll feel physical because we have a physiological response to trauma in that our response involves psychological reactions which elicit a physical response (quicker heart rate, shortened breathing, adrenaline rush etc etc), but it’s all trauma related. Hope you’re having a calm, relaxing day.

Diazepam tablets until I speak to mental health team on Tuesday - they said it’s just a bit of trauma response and my brain couldn’t cope with conversation in the car completely; not my lovely friend’s fault at all .

Just waiting to see if someone can pick them up for me . MH team and GP were very understanding on the phone which helps - both said it will pass and speaking to psychologist on Tues will help .

Managed to eat and have a shower too so that’s positive .

Glad to see your update that you have got some help today. I hope your tablets come.

@Mumdiva99

Glad to see your update that you have got some help today. I hope your tablets come.

Thank you, they have . Taken 2mg so feeling a bit calmer, had a good cry as well which helped . Male GP was very understanding which I didn’t expect at all . It’s calmed some of the more horrible sensations down and given me space .

Glad to hear you’re feeling a little better. Diazepam is an absolute godsend when things are so intense. Well done for reaching out for support, great that you have been reassured, they’re absolutely right it is a trauma response and will pass. Hope you manage ok over the weekend.

@glitteringfishy

Glad to hear you’re feeling a little better. Diazepam is an absolute godsend when things are so intense. Well done for reaching out for support, great that you have been reassured, they’re absolutely right it is a trauma response and will pass. Hope you manage ok over the weekend.

Thank you, it’s a wonder drug isn’t it . Only got 5 x 2mg and taken two tonight but that horrible horrible feeling isn’t as bad now. I think crying, and crying earlier helped too sadly !

Can you find simple absorbing tasks to give your brain something to focus on such as an adult colouring book, cooking or even folding clothes. Also try focusing on something like all the sounds you can hear around you or the colours you can see outside to bring you out of your head and back to the present.

Managed to do a wee bit; diazepam making me feel a bit strange so sat and stared blankly at the TV for a few hours .
Desperate to sleep it off but I’m a carer to my mum so can’t really . Waiting on Sainsbury’s shopping between now and 6.30 . Haven’t eaten much at all since Thursday, just a sandwich yesterday and then a slice of toast this morning . Good news is my neighbour’s cat has had kittens, and she’s offered me one on Monday, so kitten snuggles might give me some distraction at least .